2 Targets To Thrive

Two targets for thriving in good and bad times.“But where do I start?”, he asked. I was at a conference talking about thriving. I’d spent a good amount of time discussing some principles of thriving. But I could tell it was a bit overwhelming to my new friend.

He challenged me, “You said I could thrive, no matter what life is throwing my way. So, where do I start if things are going well, and where do I start when things are not going so well?”

I thought for a brief moment and said, “Either way, you aim at two targets. They both apply, whether things are going well or not so well. When you are at the top of your game or at the bottom, these two targets remain.”

“It can’t be that easy,” he replied.

“Easy? I never mentioned ‘easy.’ I just said that there are two targets, no matter where you are,” I offered.

“OK,” he responded, “I’m all ears. What are the two targets?”

Gratitude and Growth.

Those are the two targets. Targets… you aim at them. You may not always hit them. But you aim at them.

When things are good, it is easier to remember to practice gratitude — and yet, we often forget to do it. When things are tough, there are still things for which to be grateful. But it can be a challenge.

When times are tough, growth is often the outcome. But it isn’t always fun to find the lessons. And when things are good, we think we have it down — no need to learn. And yet, there are plenty of things to learn at the top. And at that bottom. And in between.

In this episode of the podcast, I discuss these two targets. And how to hit them.

RELATED RESOURCES
Gratitude
Lessons To Learn
Thoughts
Thrive Principles

How To Start Fresh (in the New Year)

A fresh start to your new year.If you haven’t heard it yet, let me be the first to say, “Happy New Year!”  I doubt I made the cut, but just in case….

One of my favorite things about school, way back when, was that the semester ended.  Each semester stood by itself.  No matter how poorly the semester had gone (and there were several), it was over.  Classes ended, assignments were in, tests were over.  Nothing I could do would change it. So, I might as well turn my attention to the next semester.

It was nice to have a fresh start.

Which, by the way, is available to any of us at any time.  We can always choose a fresh start.

It won’t wipe the past away.  But we do have the option of starting where we are and moving forward.

In the moment, we have that option.

Each day, we have that option.  We get up to a new day, and can start fresh.

Every month, we can do the same, closing out the month and moving into something new.

But the new year… that is when we really feel it!

So, how do we make the New Year a Fresh Start? Let’s talk about how to do it in this episode of my podcast.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Resolutions
Forgiving
Apologizing
Letting It Go
Thrive Principles

3 MORE Ways We Get Stuck

Getting Unstuck

MoreWaysWeGetStuckIn the last episode, I discussed 3 ways we get stuck. This week, I cover 3 MORE ways we get stuck.

As it turns out, we humans are pretty darn creative in how we get ourselves stuck.

And how we manage to think it was someone else who did it!

So, in this second round of ways we get stuck, I turn my attention to 3 ways that seem to be outside of ourselves, and outside of our control.

Which is why they are such problems.  If you believe the problem is “out there,” it is hard to know how to change things “in here.”

So, let’s take a look at these three ways we get stuck, and how to turn it around.

Forgive To Live

Immutable Laws of Living Series

Forgive to live:  Immutable Law of Living.Here’s a concept that trips up many people:  Forgiveness.

Oh, sure, you know you should forgive.  But you just don’t know if that is the best idea.  Maybe you believe you just can’t forget what happened (myth:  “forgive and forget”).  Or maybe you don’t think that person deserves to be “let off the hook” (also a myth).  Or perhaps you don’t want to have anything to do with that person (forgiving and connecting are 2 different things).

In this week’s podcast, I discuss the myths of forgiveness — and how important it is to practice forgiving.  And if you need a process to follow on how to forgive, check out this earlier podcast or you can check out this one.

Immutable Laws Of Living Series:
Life Isn’t Fair
Life Has Challenges
Life Isn’t About Happiness
A Thought Is A Thought
Every Perspective Is Limited
Change Is Inevitable
People Do The Best They Can
We ALL Have Fears
Life is YOUR Responsibility
“What Is” IS What Is
Control What You Can (Release The Rest)

 

Get Unstuck Wrap-up

Final Installment in the Get Unstuck Series

BeyondStuckPeople get stuck for several reasons:

  1. The Past
  2. The Future
  3. Your Energy

None of the 3 have to keep you stuck.  First, you have to identify the source of “Stuck,” and then decide how to move through it.

Unstuck becomes a choice — but only after understanding the Stuck.  Stare at the Cost-Benefit and decide if you are just choosing to be stuck.  Or if you are ready to move beyond it.

As we wrap up the Get Unstuck series, I provide some specific steps to take in order to be free from the pains of the past, the anxieties of the future, and a lack of energy.  Join me as we move beyond Stuck.

GETTING UNSTUCK SERIES
Intro To Getting Unstuck
How You Get Stuck
You Are Not As Stuck As You Think
Give Up Your Goals & Get Unstuck
Loops
Shift Your Perspective
When Fear Has You Stuck
The KNAC Protocol For Getting Unstuck
4 Steps To Changing Limiting Beliefs

Getting Unstuck Intro

New Series Introduction on How To Get Un-Stuck

How we get stuck.  And how we get un-stuck.During my career as a therapist, person after person came to figure out why they were stuck.  As I transitioned to coaching, I realized my focus was on how to get unstuck.

How we get stuck is merely a starting point.  The real task is how to get un-stuck and moving toward our aspirations.

When we are stuck, we can’t be thriving.  But the process of getting unstuck is also the process of thriving.

I believe that we all have the capacity of being un-stuck, regardless of circumstances and situations.

How you are stuck is similar for all of us.  What you do when you are un-stuck, that can vary greatly.  But the process of getting unstuck is the same.

Today, listen in as I tell you how Bill got stuck.

If this strikes a cord in you, please share this episode with the social sharing buttons below, and consider giving a review of the podcast in iTunes or in Stitcher.

Let’s thrive!

Can’t Change The Past So Stop Trying

Let your past stay in your past.  Focus on the present and future.It is an interesting human characteristic that we spend lots of energy trying to rework and change the past — at the same time, we fail to believe we can change our future!

A belief that the future is unchangeable (and actions/inactions that often reveal this hidden belief) is called fatalism.  It is a belief that fate is set.  The ancient Greeks and Romans believed in the Fates, three women who created the thread of life for each person, measured it out, then cut it, when it was time to die.  No beating the fates.

Que sera sera.  

“Whatever will be, will be.”

I think I much prefer (please excuse my attempt at translation),  Que fuera era. Whatever was, was.  That might be “reverse fatalism.”  The past has happened and can’t be changed.  But we do have some choice about how the future plays out.

We don’t have FULL control of our futures.  But we have much more than we often like to claim.  And that might be the better focus:  changing what we CAN change, what we CAN control.

The past is NOT part of what we can change.  The future (starting in the present) holds much more potential.

Join me as I explore this “Reverse Fatalism.”

RELATED RESOURCES:
Interview With Jack Canfield
Accepting What Is
The Control Paradox
Forgive
Show Up
Responsibility
Gratitude
Consider Being A Patron


You’re Gonna Die!

You are going to die.Let’s just say it and get it out of the way.  You, I, and everyone else, is going to die.  An inescapable fact of life.  We will die.

A morbid thought?  I don’t think it has to be a morbid thought, as much as an organizing thought.

Reality.

It brings things into focus.

Years ago, I met a man who was dying from cancer.  He was focused, determined.  His prognosis was terminal, so that was not his determination.  He was determined to live out the rest of his life to the fullest.  He spent his time working on projects dear to him.  He made apologies and amends to those whom he felt he had hurt.  He was letting his loved ones know they were loved.

His imminent death gave him focus.

One day, he turned to me, after I told him how much I respected how he was facing death, and said, “What about YOUR death?”

“What?,” I asked.  I wasn’t the one dying, after all.

Then he said, “YOU are going to die, too.  Maybe after me, maybe before me.  But you will die, too.  Don’t wait.  There may be no waiting.”

Death has a way of rearranging your priorities.

Listen to this week’s podcast to ponder death and YOUR life.

Why Self-Compassion Is More Important Than Self-Confidence

Self-compassion is more important than self-confidence or self-esteem in having a thriving life.So much press on self-esteem.  And so little evidence that self-esteem predicts success or mental health.  A higher-than-average level of self-esteem is, however, associated with juvenile delinquency and narcissism.

Then why do we find schools, parents, and other organizations focused on building self-esteem in ourselves and our children?

There is something else that has been demonstrated to help with mental health and well-being.  That “something else” is self-compassion.

When things are tough, do you give yourself a break?  Not “let yourself off the hook,” but remind yourself that you are doing the best you can?

My guess is you have the same thing in your mind that I do:  a critical voice that is happy to point out my shortcomings and foibles.  You might even listen to the same critical voice that you would tell a friend to ignore.

Self-compassion is about understanding that you (and others) do the best you (and they) can do, given current state-of-mind and situations.  Instead of listening to the critical voice, how about the loving voice that knows you are, like it or not, human.  And that you are trying.

This is not about saying “I have no need to change, here I am.”  But it is about saying, “here I am, and I need to accept that.  I need to give myself a break!”

Learn about self-compassion — what it is and how to extend it to yourself.

What Thrivers Do To Nurture Spirituality

NurtureSpiritualityWe all know it:  there is an essence deep within.  There is something that calls us to a higher place, a deeper perspective, a need for purpose.

Thrivers know they must nurture and protect their sense of spirituality.  That is the essence within each of us.

When we speak of spirituality, some people get a bit nervous.  Some even react with anger.  Some claim there is nothing there.  Many confuse it with religion.

I believe that this essence within us is quite obvious.  We are drawn toward meaning.  We experience moments of amazement and awe.  We become aware, even briefly, of how each of us are connected to everything else.

Those glimpses, those moments, are experienced by us. . . and then we try to rationalize it or distance from it.  But it is there.  Like it or not, it is there.

People who thrive know this and accept it.  More than that, thrivers work to nurture their spirituality — not their religion, but their spirituality.

Here is why it is important, and how to do it.