How to Live a Meaningful Life

Just a little rant here:  philosophy classes turn off many college students for a simple reason — they never get around to saying how philosophy can shake your living.  Some classes might teach more on “how to think philosophically,” or “here are the old philosophers.”  Some may speak to ethics or arguments, logic or some other esoteric area.  But how to live, day-to-day?  That is often lost to the student.

(By they way, I would offer this as an issue with much of theology, too.  Lots of talk about what not to do, what God (or gods) might be like, and how to judge how others live… but not so much clarity on living day-to-day.  But that is a rant for another day!)

Anyway, philosophy, as originally taught in ancient days, was exactly for deciding how to live.  How should you act, feel, and think?  As different schools of philosophy might point out, that all depends upon your basic ideas of what a meaningful life might be.

Sometimes, we are already acting in ways that point to our idea of meaning, even without a philosophical basis.  I think of this as our “natural philosophy” — how we have made sense of the world.

After my first book, many people asked if I was a Stoic.  At that time, I had only a passing concept of that philosophy.  Just one of those old schools of philosophy from a bygone age.  But after hearing it a number of times, I started investigating.  Sure enough, much of my approach to living day-to-day was Stoic.  Huh.Vitali Katsenelson, author of Soul In The Game

Then, I started finding others that had this same experience.  One of those is Vitaliy Katsenelson.  He is the CEO of an investment company.  But his story goes back to his family’s immigration to the United States, from Russia, when Vitaliy was a child.  He was old enough to still remember those memories of a dying USSR (and to hold onto a bit of an accent), but young enough to find his way through American culture.

After writing several books on investing (including the psychology of investing), Vitaliy took to talking about life.  Not just professional life.  But other areas of life.  Art, music, chess, and family life were grist for the mill of exploring meaning.

This led to Vitaliy’s latest book, Soul In The Game.  While in the process of writing, Vitaliy stumbled upon Stoic thought and found a new home there.  He incorporates that into this book, to further his exploration into the meaningful life (a slightly different question than the meaning of life).

I had a chance to sit down and chat with Vitaliy about a wide range of issues and topics, all related to how life becomes meaningful, and how to find that meaning.  Listen to this episode of the Thriveology Podcast to find out more.

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Vitaliy’s Website
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Is Micro-Quitting Keeping You from Thriving?

Are you Micro-Quitting?  How to stop the micro-quit habit.Do you micro-quit?  I sure do.  And I need to quit micro-quitting!  Maybe you do, too.

It undermines my goals (and likely, your goals too).  And it keeps you from thriving.

What is micro-quitting?  Well, if you quit something (an activity, a job, a sport, a hobby, etc.), you stop doing it.  You step away from it.

But when you micro-quit, you don’t follow through on the smaller building blocks of the bigger thing.  You don’t quit.  But you chip away at that bigger thing.

For example, you are exercising.  Maybe you like to.  Maybe you want to be in better shape.  But either way, you have decided to exercise.

You set your alarm for an early workout.  It goes off.  You decide to hit the snooze button and do a shorter session.  Or you give up on that next set of reps.  Even though it was in your plan… and it was your intention to do it.  You don’t.  You micro-quit on that plan, on that action.

And in the process, you may be undermining your goals.  A little at a time, a micro-quit at a time.

It might just be keeping you and me from thriving!

I discuss micro-quitting (and how to micro-commit) in this episode of the Thriveology Podcast.  Listen below.

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Your Fierce Life
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Start Here

YouAreHere“Where should I start?”, my client asked.

Lots of times, we want to make changes, we want things to be different.  And sometimes, we want things to be different before we make any changes.

We want a different starting point.

If you’ve ever been at a park or mall, looking at the map to figure out where to go, you might notice that one very important feature, “You Are Here.”  It points to the spot where you are now.

Not where you want to go.  Not where you want to be.

But where you are.

If you are at the mall and see the store you want… on the other side of the mall, you might wish you were standing nearby, near the destination store.  Not all the way across the mall.

But if you are on the other side of the mall, that is where you are.  Navigating to the destination from a closer point — a point where you are NOT — is not likely to be effective.

You start where you are.

And you might just find… it is a pretty good place to start.

Listen to this podcast episode for how to start where you are, and why where you are is a pretty good place to start.

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Book:  The Immutable Laws of Living

The Forgive Habit

Build your habit of forgiving, so that you can move forward and thrive!A few weeks ago, a coaching client noted her resistance to forgiving for fear that she would be vulnerable to being hurt.  I told her that was not at all true.  In fact, being alive leaves you open to hurt!

But not forgiving?  It offers no protection.  It does, however, prolong the pain caused by some person or event.

This client was not the only one who told me about her concern of forgiving.  I have heard it over and over through my three decades of counseling and coaching.

Most people have fallen into a habit of hanging on to the hurt, of not forgiving.  They have a habit of UN-forgiving.

Let me suggest that, just like any other habit, you can change this habit.  You can foster a Forgive Habit.  There, you more quickly work toward forgiving the hurts and pains you feel from events and others.  And in the process, you find freedom to move forward with a thriving life.

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I discuss The Forgive Habit and how to foster it.

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Calm in Crazy Times

Have you seen the meme that caught my eye?:

I really wish I weren’t living through a major historical event right now!

How to stay calm while the world is in chaos, and while you are living through some “historic times."I feel that!  But here is the thing I am realizing — historic events are happening on a very regular basis.  We aren’t living through the first pandemic (nor will it be the last).  This isn’t the first time we have had political upheaval and polarization (nor will it be the last).  This isn’t the first time an unpredictable war has rocked a nation (and unfortunately, it won’t be the last).

I could go on and on.  But you get the point.  We are living through historic events.  As have others, through every other historic event.

Sometimes, I wonder how future generations will look back on us, what we are going through, and how we went through it.  Will they believe they could have done better?  Will they think we learned anything?  I wonder….

We get caught up in worrying about events all around us.  And that can lead to anxiety, frustration, and inaction.  Nothing changes.

As a client told me years ago, “Its not like I’m not doing anything!  I am worrying!” My client felt like that was doing something.  Indeed, her brain was spinning.  But nothing was changing.  Nothing was happening.

How DO you find calm in these crazy times?  We talk about it in this episode of the Thriveology Podcast.  Listen below.

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Finding Compassion

Over the past 7 episodes, we have been building our Thrive Code.  The code to follow that allows us to thrive, and also the code that runs your system, like computer code.  And we are closing in on the finish line!

How to find compassion.  Build your compassion for others and yourself as a path to thriving.We bring the series to an end in this episode. The final piece of the Thrive Code is all about how we feel about others.  Do we see others as “other” or as connected to us?  Do we use compassion or do we objectify?

I have a built in belief that we are born with compassion.  Babies and children have a natural compassionate response to others in pain.  But many times, people are taught to not have a compassionate response.  We are taught beliefs about why others are having problems.  Often, those beliefs are based in blame and condemnation.

It is no surprise, then, that we are living in a compassion crisis.  Both in terms of compassion for others and self-compassion.

Is there a way back?  Yes!  And it starts with understanding exactly what compassion is, where it comes from, why we lose it, and how we can cultivate it.  Learn more in this episode of the Thriveology Podcast.

Listen below.

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Lee’s Books

Seek Clarity

If you want to thrive in life, seek clarity in what is important and what creates fulfillment for you.Did you ever have one of those Magic 8-Balls when you were growing up?  I never had one, but a friend down the street did.  You were supposed to ask Yes/No questions of the ball, then turn it over and a die would float to the surface, revealing your answer.

For whatever reason, we could spend lots of time asking a question, shaking and flipping the 8-Ball, and study our answer.  Of course, if we didn’t like the answer, we would just shake it again and get another answer.

On a side note, I always wondered why an 8 ball from billiards was ever supposed to be “magical” in answering questions.  I recently read that Brunswick Billiards bought the rights to the toy as some point.  So, no, nothing magical about an 8 ball, except for the billiards company being involved!

Anyway, there was this one answer that always left me frustrated:  Reply hazy, try again.

Naturally, I would.  I’d just shake again and try for another answer.  But I remember this one time… I just kept getting the same answer — Reply hazy, try again.  So, I kept trying again.  And I didn’t get anywhere!

Well, life can be that way.  When things aren’t clear, it can be frustrating and paralyzing.  If we don’t have clarity about some decisions, sometimes we do nothing.

It turns out that having some clarity helps to make life easier. It helps us to thrive.

But, and this is important, seeking clarity is quite a help in thriving.  In fact, when we seek clarity, we tend to find enough of it to move forward.  And sense clarity changes over time, you do have to keep seeking it.  What was clear… what made sense… at one point or stage in life, may no longer make sense at another point.  So, we have to keep seeking clarity — and finding it along the way.

This is the code.  The Thrive Code.

Listen for more about seeking clarity below.

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Lee’s Books

Contribution

What are you giving (versus what you are getting)?  And why contributing to leave the world better leads to thriving.When I talk about Thriveology, many people say, “Oh, that is more of that ‘being happy’ stuff, isn’t it?”

My response:  No. Well, not just that.  Sure, being happy is fine.  No need to avoid being happy! But that is only one dimension of life.

It IS the dimension of life that hedonism celebrates and pursues.  If it feels good, do it.  Enjoy life.  Have a good time.  Seek out pleasure and avoid pain.

Except that doesn’t lead much to thriving. It posits your satisfaction with life externally to you.  It is THAT thing that makes you happy, brings you pleasure, makes life worthwhile.

Eudaimonia was the counterpoint in greek thought.  This is the pursuit of life satisfaction by what things mean to you internally. It is how you bring meaning, enjoyment, and satisfaction into your life from within.

And there is a cornerstone of that:  Contribution.  What we GIVE to the world, versus what we GET from the world. Giving versus Taking.

Research has long pointed out the power of giving and contributing to the mental health, wellbeing, meaning/purpose, and satisfaction of people to their lives.  Which is why it is part of The Thrive Code.

Listen below to learn why contribution matters and some principles of doing it.

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Lee’s Books

Community and Connection

We all need connection and community in our lives. Where is your connection? Where is your community?It’s in our DNA.  We have a need to connect with others, to have connections and relationships.  We express that in close relationships and larger groups.

And unfortunately, lately, we have often allowed tribalism into our connections.  When we slip into our tribal thinking, we work from a place of exclusion.  This leads to a greater illusion of connection.  In reality, that connection is based in being the same as others in the tribe.

Community, on the other hand, allows others to include themselves.  It is not about differences.  Lines are not drawn to separate.  Differences have room for inclusion. And true connection can grow.

Speaking of connection… we need connection in life to thrive.  Those who are caught in isolation suffer, both emotionally and in their health.  It is also deeply wired into our DNA.

Where is YOUR community?

Where is YOUR connection?

Listen to this episode of Thriveology Podcast for why community and connection are so important.

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Challenge:  Thrive Code #1
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It’s A Challenge!

Life is a challenge, isn’t it? I don’t think I am saying anything that is a surprise these days. We’ve been dealing with a pandemic now for over 2 years. For many people, that has led to many challenges throughout life.

Which brings me to my word for 2022. Each year, my family chooses one word to live into for the year. And this year, my word is Challenge. Not just to acknowledge the challenge of these days, but to claim that I am going to live into and lean into the challenge!

Even without a pandemic, life would still be a challenge. Why?

Challenge is my word for 2022. Life’s a challenge. Challenge Accepted.Because that is the nature of life. Life challenges us.

We can see it as an obstacle. We can even stomp our feet and proclaim that “it shouldn’t be this hard.” But that won’t change the fact that life is just a challenge. So, philosophically, I just acknowledge and accept that it is a challenge. Not an obstacle; a challenge.

Also, I need a challenge. If I don’t have something to take on, some challenge to work toward, I tend to get stagnant. I’ve learned this several times over this past year. Looking back, I see the challenges along the way. I see how they have helped me to grow and expand. A challenge is part of my growth.

But guess what? That is true for all of us. Our bodies and minds have evolved to be at their best when under a challenge. Too little challenge, and the body weakens. So does our brain. So does our mind.

Which is why I will also be doing more challenges (of myself and of clients) in the coming year.

What is YOUR challenge? (Listen to the podcast below for more on why we need a challenge, and how to take one on.)

 

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Thrive Principles book
Podcast Episode: What’s YOUR Challenge?
Immutable Law episode: Life Has Challenges