Learn or… Learn

Win or lose... or learn and learn.I don’t know about you, but I was raised around competition.  Not so much from my parents, but from culture.  In school, you compete in all sorts of tasks… trying to prove how smart, how good, how talented, how athletic, how whatever you are… compared to the others.

It doesn’t stop there, but keeps on going.  Win or lose.  That’s all that matters.  Well, winning.  That’s what matters.

Remember Ricky Bobby from the movie, Talladega Nights? “If you ain’t first, you’re last!”  In other words, you win… or you have lost.

(Do remember, though, that at another point in the movie, Ricky Bobby is talking with his Dad… and gets challenged:
Ricky Bobby: “Wait, Dad. Don’t you remember the time you told me ‘If you ain’t first, you’re last’?”
Reese Bobby: “Huh? What are you talking about, Son?”
Ricky Bobby: “That day at school.”
Reese Bobby: “Oh hell, Son, I was high that day. That doesn’t make any sense at all, you can be second, third, fourth… hell you can even be fifth.”
Ricky Bobby: “What? I’ve lived my whole life by that!”
There you go… a first… a quote in a Will Ferrell movie to make a point about thriving!)

We grow up on that whole “win or learn” thing… which ties us tightly to our ego.  If we win, ego boost.  If we lose, ego bruise.  What will others think??

Maybe it is worth making a shift.

Nelson Mandela said, “I never lose. I either win or I learn.” When you don’t win, you can learn! Great shift.  “Losing” is an opportunity for learning.  When you don’t win, there is an opportunity for growth, for learning… for being better.

But it is still bound by ego. What if it isn’t even the win? But the learn? Then, we either learn… or we learn.

Listen to this episode for more on winning/losing versus learning/learning.

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How To Guarantee You DON’T Thrive

Part 2

How to NOT thrive... and what to do instead.Well, you are on to me!  Last week, I started talking about things you can do to guarantee that you DON’T thrive.  I’m sure you knew I didn’t really want you to NOT thrive.  But I wanted to point out some ways people make themselves miserable… and what they might do to shift.

If you missed that episode, JUST CLICK HERE TO HEAR IT.

It is interesting to notice how we humans can really mess up our lives!  Life throws us enough to deal with.  Then, we tend to multiply it with our own blind spots and stuck points.

With my Top 10 List To Guarantee You Don’t Thrive, I wanted to point out 10 ways that people really do keep themselves stuck.  And the fact is, I see these same patterns repeated over and over by many people.

So, if you see yourself in one (or more) of the stuck points, that just means you are… well… human.  Congratulations on being able to spot it!  That is the first step in doing something different… something new… something more… THRIVING!

Listen in below for the REST of the ways you can keep from thriving… so you can thrive!  (Unless you don’t want to… then just follow my suggestions.)

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How To Guarantee You DON’T Thrive

Part 1

5 ways to guarantee that you don't thrive... and what to do instead.Over the years, I have tried to learn to thrive.  And I have tried to teach others how to thrive… even getting other experts to do the same.

But today, just for a moment, let’s assume you DON’T want to thrive.  In fact, you want to… well, do the opposite of thriving!  You want to be miserable and live a smaller life.  You want to feel stuck and frustrated. (I’m not going to even explain WHY you would want to do that… let’s play a little mental game and pretend you just don’t want to thrive.)

What then?

How would you go about NOT thriving?  How would you really make yourself as miserable as possible?

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I start in on my Top 10 List of How NOT To Thrive.  I cover 5 top ways to NOT thrive in this episode, and follow up with the other 5 in the next episode.

Why in the world would I do this?

Because if you know how to NOT thrive, then you can NOT do the NOT’s.  You can do the opposite, and move toward thriving.  It is also a good way to run through the list and see if you find yourself falling into any of the non-thriving traps.  They are all around us!  And sometimes, we are doing them… not even realizing it.

Listen below for part 1 of How To Guarantee You Don’t Thrive.

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Look Up!

Look up!World got you down?  Maybe even looking down?  It can feel overwhelming, like you just need to keep plodding ahead, keeping your head down.

But often, that is just the time we need to look up.

To the sky.

Physically and metaphorically.

When I am feeling a bit overwhelmed and flustered, when it seems there is just too much going on, too much to get done… I take a step back and look up.

And then I have a little more perspective.  Little ol’ me in this big ol’ universe.  In a world with lots more troubles than I have.  Not that mine aren’t important.  They just aren’t as grand as I can make them feel.

And metaphorically, I look up.  To a higher perspective.  My higher Self.  I remember that it really isn’t all about me, but how I bring myself into the world.

It also reminds me to be grateful.  To be grateful for being in this moment, in this space.  Who I am, with what I have, where I am.  And to see that as “enough.”  It is too easy to let the “not enough’s” call out to me, call me down, scare me.

But then, I look up.  To pivot me out of my little thoughts and into bigger thoughts.  From a higher perspective. From a place of connection.  From awe.

Look up.

I discuss this more in this week’s Thriveology Podcast.  Listen below.

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Course Corrections and Course Changes

Do you need to make a course correction or a course change?“How did I end up here?,” my client asked.  He told me that for so long, he thought he was headed in the right direction.  Now, he thinks maybe it was the entirely wrong direction.

I asked him, “Did you course correct along the way?”  He looked at me rather quizzically.  So, I elaborated, “If you are sailing, you point the boat toward some object in the distance, in the direction you want to sail.  You sail toward it.  But the winds push, the current pushes, and you end up a little off-course.  So, you course correct.”

But then, I added: “Sometimes, you realize that where you thought you wanted to go is not really where you want to go… or maybe it isn’t safe to go.  Maybe a storm or something else.  But you have to go somewhere else.  So, you change course.”

And I continued, “Then there are the times when you don’t course-correct as you go, and the small space of being off-course begins to broaden as you go.  What might have been just a course correction at the beginning is now a course change.”

Then I returned to our dialogue and asked, “So, did you course correct… or is this a course change?”

Just to be clear:  either is fine.  We all have the option of course changes in life.  Sometimes, it is just a course correction.  But it is okay if you need a course change.

It’s a part of life.

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I explore the difference between a course correction and a course change.  What does it look like, and when is it time for a change?

Listen below.

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Playing Life For Real

David Wood, Playing Life For Real, playforreal.lifeHow’s your life going? The way you want?  Or not quite?  Do you want to “level up” and play a bigger game?  Have a bigger life?

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I chat with David Wood, successful-entrepreneur-turned-life-coach.  Nope, not a business coach (although he does some of that), but a life coach.  Helping successful people “level up” to more success.

While David had been successful in his work, something was missing — connection.  Tied to an early childhood trauma (we talk about it), David decided to “play it safe” with relationships… and then realized that “playing it safe” kept him disconnected and distant.

How?

Playing bigger.  Taking risks.  Daring.  And Caring.

David starts with a question, “What if we are living in a maze, running it every day?  We can keep doing that, or we can step back and decide to play it bigger.”

Using his 3 Pillars and 4 Point Plan, David points the way to anyone wanting to play on a bigger field.  To play “full out” in the game of life — which David notes is a very important game!

Listen below.

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The Myth of Life Balance

Jarrod CastilloWe have a sectional couch.  My spot is right in the corner.  I can sit one way, stretch my legs out the other way.  And my dog, Ziggy, settles in right beside me.  Why do I tell you that?  Well, when I am crammed into that corner, you might say I am “balanced.”  No way will I fall over, in any direction.  I’m propped up and held in position.

Other than that, balance is something I work at.  You do, too.  Even if you aren’t aware of it.  We humans stand on two feet.  Quite a balancing accomplishment.  Your legs and feet are constantly readjusting, trying to keep you upright.  You are, in other words, always a bit off-balance.  Walking?  Simply falling forward and catching yourself.  Balance… not so much.

Then, you open up tons of self-help literature that tells you that happiness comes from “balance in life.”  But what if balance is… well… a myth?

The challenge is in trying to find some balance, deciding what to balance, and when to be off-balance.

If you follow me and my podcast much, you know that I have been doing jiu jitsu for nearly 1 1/2 years.  That pretty much makes me an advanced white belt (soon to be blue, though).  And along the way, it became clear that the moves work sometimes because I have established a balanced spot (“base” would be the term), and at times because I am willing to be off-balanced, shifting momentum in my favor.  Same in life.  Sometimes, I need to find my base.  But many times, to get the momentum, I need to be a bit off-balance.

And if you have found yourself thinking, “I need to find balance,” let me (and my guest) go ahead and shoot that down.  It is the myth of balance you need to know and understand.

This week, I interview Jarrod Castillo.  When I first met Jarrod, he was in the middle of a ballroom, doing a handstand.  And he was the only one doing it.  That caught my attention.

Jarrod and I discuss the myth of balance and why that is so important to understand.  Join me for a great interview with Jarrod (Wolf).

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Listen to the Wisdom of Your Body

GregLeeAndAntoniaVanBeckerSometimes, we spend so much time trying to think through a problem that we just get stuck.  Our minds tend to spiral on the same thoughts over and over… not really giving any new information or help.

“What should I do?” is usually followed by an almost endless loop of “What should I do?”  Or worse yet, we take action, but then realize that our thinking was more limited than we thought.

There HAS to be a better way, right?

According to Greg Lee and Antonia Van Becker, there is!  We just have to shift from listening to our thoughts.  It is not shifting to listen to someone else… not a friend, spouse, relative, or even a therapist or coach (OK, you may want to consult with someone else, but that is not the only place).

So, where do you turn?  As it turns out, not too far from your mind.  Just a bit, ummm, down.

To your body.

Let me freely admit that for lots of years, I chose to NOT listen to my body.  I lived from the neck, up.  It would seem that one day, my body decided to get my attention.  And let’s just say that the resulting mess was painful and scary.  But my body got my attention!

Even if I didn’t know how to listen at that moment, I knew I needed to pay attention to it.

Greg and Antonia take it much further.  They suggest you can even ask your body for guidance… and your body will, well, guide you.

In this episode of the podcast, Antonia and Greg share what it means to “listen to your body.”  And they share 6 steps to follow when you hit a tipping point in your day (or your life).

Listen below!

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Goodbye and Hello – Passing Through Grief

Terese CastellanosLife is a fairly constant flow of goodbyes and hellos.  Sometimes, those goodbyes are incredibly painful.  The death of a loved one, the loss of a relationship, the loss of a job or role.  All can be painful.

And sometimes, those goodbyes feel like the end of the story.  But many times, there is more.  More to the story, more to life.  More to live.  Those are the hellos.

When you are caught up in the grief of a goodbye, it may seem like a hello is impossible.  It takes courage.  Vulnerability.  A willingness to live again.

We can live behind a fortress, trying to protect ourselves from hurts.  But that also keeps us from connecting and loving… living.

Sure, the goodbyes hurt.  But that is part of the deal with life.  Sometimes, the pain breaks us open to new possibilities and new people.

In this Thriveology Podcast episode, I interview Terese Castellanos.  As a therapist, Terese helped people through losses and life struggles… and one day realized that she, herself, was faced with the same thing.  Her husband was dying.

In our interview, Terese and I look to her story of goodbye… how that felt like the end of the story… but it wasn’t.  So, we also discuss hello.  And how to live through the goodbye, open to the hello.

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Perfect Imperfection On The Path To Thriving

AngelaStillwellMany times, life just kind of, well, hits us.  We have a major transition. Or we just hit a plateau.  What if you know there is more… you just can’t get there?  That’s when we have to find our “untapped strengths.”

Angela Stillwell is the “Vulnerability Warrior.”  Why?  Because she discovered that struggling with tough times can keep in in “survivial mode.”

Angela came from a dysfunctional family situation, with divorce and affairs, abuse, and the loss of her mother when she was young.  Yes, she “survivied” (as people would tell her), but that was not enough.

She knew there was more;  passion, purpose, perspective, service.  And Angela set out to find it.

As Angela shares with me, there are 3 steps to thriving:

  1. Connection
  2. Perfect imperfection
  3. Resurrection

Sounds like a pretty good formula to me!  Listen to this week’s podcast, as Angela shares her formula, step-by-step.

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