Is the Present Perfect?

Is the present perfect?  Yes.  Find out how in this episode of the Thriveology Podcast.My client was telling me about lots of struggles, difficult times, and a few positive moments.  I noted, as I have many times with many clients, “It sounds like your present is perfect.”

She went silent.  I was silent.  But I could see her processing and struggling with my words.  I sat quietly.

She finally erupted: “Perfect?!? How can you say that?  After all the stuff I told you… how can you tell me that things are perfect?”

I told her, “I didn’t say great.  I didn’t say it was how you wanted them to be.  Only that the present is perfect.”

In that moment, I could see her gears turning… but she still couldn’t make sense of what I was saying.

How can things feel upside-down and inside-out, and be perfect?

“Perfect” does not mean preferred.  It means something is complete.  A perfectly cooked steak is complete. It is cooked to a certain level.  But also consider a “perfect storm,” the perfect combination of  circumstances that mean the storm is more powerful than when those circumstances don’t combine.

The idea of the Present Perfect, which sounds like grammar, comes from life coach, Thomas Leonard.  He noted that the Present Perfect is the fact that this moment perfectly reflects everthing that has come before, up until now.

Why does that matter?  We explore it in this episode of the Thriveology Podcast.  Listen below

RELATED RESOURCES
Medium Article on the Present Perfect
Importance of Acceptance
What Can You Control?
Accept or Act
My Books

How NOT To Thrive: Top 5

5 ways to guarantee that you don't thrive... and what to do instead.Over the years, I have tried to learn to thrive.  And I have tried to teach others how to thrive… even getting other experts to do the same.

But today, just for a moment, let’s assume you DON’T want to thrive.  In fact, you want to… well, do the opposite of thriving!  You want to be miserable and live a smaller life.  You want to feel stuck and frustrated. (I’m not going to even explain WHY you would want to do that… let’s play a little mental game and pretend you just don’t want to thrive.)

What then?

How would you go about NOT thriving?  How would you really make yourself as miserable as possible?

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I start in on my Top 10 List of How NOT To Thrive.  I cover 5 top ways to NOT thrive in this episode, and follow up with the other 5 in the next episode.

Why in the world would I do this?

Because if you know how to NOT thrive, then you can NOT do the NOT’s.  You can do the opposite, and move toward thriving.  It is also a good way to run through the list and see if you find yourself falling into any of the non-thriving traps.  They are all around us!  And sometimes, we are doing them… not even realizing it.

Listen below for part 1 of How To Guarantee You Don’t Thrive.

RELATED RESOURCES:
It Isn’t Personal
It IS What It IS
Forgiving
Hard Isn’t The Question
Dealing with Fear
Book:  Thrive Principles

 

Paths to Mindfulness

Mindfulness is such a buzzword these days that you may find yourself “tuning out” when you hear the term.  Ironic, since that is quite the opposite of being mindful!

Simply put, mindfulness is the state of being present with your body in the present moment.  In other words, you are aware of your bodily experience of this immediate moment.

The nice thing about mindfulness is that it is easy to practice, wherever you are and whatever you are doing.  It is simply a matter of calling yourself back to this moment, in your own body.

And then… it slips away again, through distractions and thoughts.  Thoughts about the past and future pull us from the present.  We distract ourselves right out of the experience of living in this moment.

Joanne King, Pathways to Mindfulness.  Mindful eating and ending dieting.My guest on this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, Joanne King, offers a number of pathways to mindfulness.

Of particular interest is Joanne’s approach to mindful eating.  How often do you find yourself scarfing down a meal, not even noticing the taste, texture, spices, smells, and ingredients… the experience of eating?  I have.

According to Joanne, this means that we often eat beyond what we need… and not necessarily even what we need to eat.  When people shift to mindful eating, Joanne reports, they eat better and naturally lose weight.

And… it is an opportunity to enter into mindfulness.

Join me as I discuss pathways to mindfulness with Joanne King.

RELATED RESOURCES
Joanne’s website
Using Mindfulness to Thrive
The Importance of Being Present
Confidence… in the Moment

Choosing Health

Most people want to be in better health.  In fact, I have yet to run into anyone telling me, “I just wish I was in worse health.”  We all want to be in better health!

But for many, that is confusing.  There is so much conficting information.  One day, you eat one thing or drink one thing, and it seems that just a few days later, that is detrimental for your health.  Or vice versa!

How confusing it can be!  It can be hard to feel confident in your choices.  And yet, health is always about choices.  Sure, we have those pesky genes that we are born with.  But did you know that much of our health is not based in the genes we have, but how they are expressed?  And did you know that the expression of genes is based in what we are exposed to in our environment?  What is around us, and what we put in us, affects how those genes affect us.

When I got sick, I kept digging for information (and found lots of mis-information).  I felt like I was guessing.  But I kept on guessing.  I got lucky and found some decent resources.

How to find your best health choices to bring healing to your body.  Interview with Maureen Vincenty.What I would have loved was someone who brought a scientist’s mind, and a fellow traveler’s heart, to the process.  Someone who could point the way with some clarity to me.

This week, my guest is Maureen Vincenty.  A former scientist with NASA and the EPA, Marueen used her inquisitive mind to find the resources.  And she used her experimenting mind on herself as the guinea pig.  Suffering from auto-immune illness and issues, Maureen was determined to figure out her path to health and healing.

Long into having found her own healing, Maureen has worked to help many others find their own health and healing by discovering choices that make a difference.

That approach allows Maureen to tackle what amounts to 90% of healthcare these days:  lifestyle-based diseases.  And that approach can help you find healing, too.

In our interview, Maureen offers her 5 Pillars of Health, telling you exactly how to activate each pillar.

It turns out that much of my stumbling and guessing lines up with exactly what Maureen suggests.  I just wish I had the information at hand when I needed it.  You do.

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Maureen Vincenty’s Website for Resources
The Thriving Body Series
Your Thriving Breathing

Having Tough Conversations

Tough conversations are, well, tough.  You know, those conversations you know you need to have… but avoid having them.  Maybe you aren’t comfortable with the topic.  Or maybe it feels risky to have that conversation.

Here is the problem:  when we avoid tough conversations, we also avoid real engagement.  And we miss the opportunity for deeper connection, more intimacy… and importantly, the opportunity for resolution!David Wood, Playing Life For Real, playforreal.life, how to have tough conversations.

My guest on this episode of the Thriveology Podcast is a returning guest.  Always about “keeping it real,” David Wood returns to discuss how to have those tough conversations.  David says he is an evangelist for tough conversations, trying to spread the word on how important those convos are!

But more than that, David wants to share a process of how to have those tough conversations on difficult issues. In his 4 step process (plus 1 “pre”-step), David reveals a method of how to have the conversations you’ve been ducking and avoiding.  You just have to follow the steps (and he has a special tool available to help you with it).

Stop avoiding the tough conversations.  Learn how to have them.  Learn to resolve the underlying issues.  And watch your life expand.

RELATED RESOURCES
David’s Website for Free Resource
Earlier Podcast with David
Dealing with Anxiety
Showing Up in Live
Finding MORE in Life

How To Guarantee You DON’T Thrive

Part 1

5 ways to guarantee that you don't thrive... and what to do instead.Over the years, I have tried to learn to thrive.  And I have tried to teach others how to thrive… even getting other experts to do the same.

But today, just for a moment, let’s assume you DON’T want to thrive.  In fact, you want to… well, do the opposite of thriving!  You want to be miserable and live a smaller life.  You want to feel stuck and frustrated. (I’m not going to even explain WHY you would want to do that… let’s play a little mental game and pretend you just don’t want to thrive.)

What then?

How would you go about NOT thriving?  How would you really make yourself as miserable as possible?

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I start in on my Top 10 List of How NOT To Thrive.  I cover 5 top ways to NOT thrive in this episode, and follow up with the other 5 in the next episode.

Why in the world would I do this?

Because if you know how to NOT thrive, then you can NOT do the NOT’s.  You can do the opposite, and move toward thriving.  It is also a good way to run through the list and see if you find yourself falling into any of the non-thriving traps.  They are all around us!  And sometimes, we are doing them… not even realizing it.

Listen below for part 1 of How To Guarantee You Don’t Thrive.

RELATED RESOURCES:
It Isn’t Personal
It IS What It IS
Forgiving
Hard Isn’t The Question
Dealing with Fear
Book:  Thrive Principles

 

Rules For Living Series

What Are The Rules For Living?Do you have any “rules for living”? Thoughts or ideas that you follow as guidelines for living? Maybe you don’t always follow them… but you intend to. You treat them like rules. They aren’t really “laws,” concepts you MUST follow, or you find yourself in trouble. (See my Immutable Laws for Living book for these.)

Rules just make life easier. They keep you moving forward, in the direction you want.

If you have some, great! See how they compare to my 10 rules.

If you don’t have rules, consider trying out my 10 rules.

Below are links to trainings on each of the 10 rules for living.

RULES OF LIVING SERIES
#1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct
#2 Be Present In The  Present
#3 Accept the Past and Revise the Future
#4 Grieve Losses and Celebrate Gains
#5 Forgive to Live
#6 Listen to Your Higher Self
#7 Teach Others How to Treat You
#8 Control What You Can; Release The Rest
#9 Do Your Part and Wait for the Moment
#10 Live Each Day As THE Day

Surviving To Thriving

FromSurvivingToThrivingWe always start at survival.  You have to survive to do anything else.  Surviving is based in dealing with scarcity and threats.

Sometimes, people get stuck in survival mode… whether it is necessary or not.  For most people, survival mode is less a necessity and more a habit.

Then, we live.  Living is about finding comfort.  People to support you, work to do, things to enjoy.  And for many people, this is the stage that feels like success.  The paycheck and opportunity gives enough comfort to enjoy life.

So, many people get stuck in the live mode.

But then, there is the opportunity to thrive.

Survive >>>> Live >>>>> Thrive

What makes the shift?  Realizing that the living isn’t enough.  There is something more.  Something deeper and more satisfying.  It’s about finding your purpose, finding your deeper meaning, making an impact in the world.

It requires taking on the challenges, looking for the opportunities… growing and stretching.

While surviving is about scarcity, living is about comfort, thriving is about abundance.  It isn’t a change in what is around you, as much as a shift in perspective.

Listen to this week’s episode to learn more about making the shifts.

RELATED RESOURCES
Meaning and Purpose
Making An Impact
Building A Thriving Life

The Appreciation Approach

Tools to Thrive Series

The Appreciation ApproachYour brain is really only capable of being in one of two modes:  fear/threat or love/appreciation. Unfortunately, the fear/threat mode is pretty much the default and automatic.

Fortunately, changing to manual and shifting to love/appreciation is not complicated.

More than that, there is plenty of research to point to the specific benefits of that shift:

  • Better emotional health,
  • Higher pain tolerance,
  • Higher sociability,
  • Greater life satisfaction,
  • More sleep,
  • More exercise,
  • etc., etc., etc.

There really isn’t much of a downside to gratitude and appreciation.  It just requires a shift in habits to get there.

Got 10 minutes or so per day, just for the next month?  YOU can build your appreciation/gratitude  toolkit and add it to your Thriving Toolbox.

Tools of Thriving Series
Introduction
Thought Awareness
Only Control What You Can

The Responsibility Formula
The Perspective Shift
Your Built-In Importance Indicator
The Importance Matrix

Your Thrive Toolbox

Tools To Thrive Series

Your Thrive Toolbox.Having the right tool can make ALL the difference.  Ever tried to drive a screw with a hammer?  I have.  It didn’t go so well.

A few years back, I was changing out some faucets.  After stripping the skin off my knuckles and muttering a few choice words, I decided there HAD to be a tool that would help me get those faucets loose.

Turns out there was!  Once I had the tool, everything was easier.

The other day, as I was taking my morning walk with Ziggy (my dog), it occurred to me that there were some tools that help you to thrive.  You might need these tools in your “thrive toolbox.”

Some are mindset shifts.  Others are processes.  And others are exercises.  They all help you build toward a thriving life.

This week, we launch into a new series on these Thriving Tools.  What they are.  How to use them.  How they help you to thrive.

Listen below.