Parenting Toward Your Goal

Raising Thriving Children Series

Wrapping up our series on raising thriving children.Start with where you want to end.  Always a good plan for any trip.  Including the long-range trip of parenting.  We need to know where we want to go, if we want any hope of getting there.

This week, we close out the series on Raising Thriving Children with a few reflections and final thoughts.  And the first comes straight from Stephen Covey:  “Start with the end in mind.”

And then course-correct as you go!  Because that is part of good navigation.  It isn’t a straight path.  Clarity of the destination is important.  Being exactly on-track is not so important.

As you are going through those stages, remember this:  Parenting is always toward your own obsolescence.  Your task as a parent is to make yourself unnecessary (not absent, just not needed).  We are here to raise self-sufficient, capable people.  And that requires recognizing that parenting is toward obsolescence.

I provide 5 final thoughts in this week’s podcast.

Raising Thriving Children Series
Introduction
Eggs, Balls, And Turtles
The Important Influence On Children
Ingredients To Thriving Children
Antidote To A Narcissistic World
Teaching Thrive Principles To Kids
Shift From Expectation To Agreement

Teaching Thrive Principles To Kids

Raising Thriving Children Series

Teaching Thrive Principles to children and young adults.In my recent book, Thrive Principles, I provide 15 strategies for living a thriving life.  In that book, I note that this does not mean an absence of struggle and tough times.  I suggest, instead, that these tough times are the fuel for thriving.  They are the times we build our thriving muscles — IF we understand how to thrive.

Guess what?

This is a great list of strategies to teach children and young people.  Imagine entering adulthood with those strategies and skills at the ready.  Imagine that when the tougher times come, young adults already know how to move through them — and thrive!

I’ve noticed that many people never learn to thrive.  And many learn to thrive only when they are at a tough point.  Then, when nothing is working, they finally have to find a way to thrive — in the midst of struggle!

Wouldn’t it be easier to master those skills along the way, when we are just trying to figure out the skills of life, anyway?  What if we just learned the helpful skills — not the unhelpful coping strategies that usually cause more struggle down the road?

Take a listen to the podcast to hear how those Thrive Principles can help your child.  (And if you think YOU might benefit, LEARN MORE HERE or grab Thrive Principles wherever you like to buy your books.)

Raising Thriving Children Series
Introduction
Eggs, Balls, And Turtles
The Important Influence On Children
Ingredients To Thriving Children
Antidote To A Narcissistic World

Antidote To A Narcissistic World

Raising Thriving Children Series

For parents:  An antidote to the culture of narcissism.Have you noticed that the world is getting more and more narcissistic?  More “Me-Me-Me” thinking is infecting society — to the detriment to the environment, civility, and those at risk.

We can’t stay on this course.

Is there an alternative?

I believe there is a clear antidote to the narcissistic culture.  And I believe parents play a roll in inoculating their children from the narcissism.

Let’s discuss the family antidote to the culture of narcissism.

Raising Thriving Children Series
Introduction
Eggs, Balls, And Turtles
The Important Influence On Children
Ingredients To Thriving Children

Ingredients To Thriving Children

Raising Thriving Children Series

What are the ingredients for a thriving child?Have you ever made a recipe — but forgot a key ingredient?  Or maybe put in the wrong ingredient?  One time, I left salt out of a cookie recipe.  It was pretty bad.  Another time, I accidentally put salt in instead of sugar.  It was awful.

Ingredients are important.

So, what are the key ingredients to help instill in a child?  To help them thrive?

Let’s face it:  we will be adding ingredients, whether we mean to or not.  That’s just what happens in the parenting process.  The question is whether we are intentional about the ingredients — and if we have the RIGHT ingredients to put in.

Our goal:  A Thriving Person.

The starting point: A child learning to thrive.

Listen to this week’s podcast for the 5 key ingredients to raising a thriving child.

Raising Thriving Children Series
Introduction
Eggs, Balls, And Turtles
The Important Influence On Children

Raising Thriving Children

Raising Thriving Children Series

Raising thriving children. A new series on parenting resilient kids.If you are a parent, you know that hope/fear.  You hope to raise a wonderful human being, and you fear making a mistake on the way.

This week, we begin a series on raising thriving children.

During this series, we will look at the goals of parenting, the limits of parenting, and what a parent can do to help a child learn to thrive.  Thriving is not an innate skill.  It is learned.

But it can also be lost in the shuffle of life.

I believe there are two paradigms of parenting:  children are like eggs or children are like balls.

Since eggs can shatter, they must be protected and insulated.  Balls, on the other hand, bounce.

Which model do you see in your own life?

(By the way, if you missed it, I challenged our common understanding of self-confidence just last week.  You can learn about that by CLICKING HERE.)

Listen below for the two theories of parenting and an introduction to this new series.

Finding Your Confidence

Tools To Thrive Series

The truth about self confidence.  How to find it.  How to build it.  How to have it.Confidence.  We all want to feel it.  We are in a culture dedicated to the importance of strong self-confidence.  And yet, it always seems out of grasp.

Why is that?

Because we want confidence to be “there,” already present.  We want it to be a preset of living.  You know, just an innate part of you.

But it isn’t.

If you have self-confidence that you can do something — regardless of preparation, training, knowledge, or skill — that is false self-confidence.  And it will fail at the first moment of challenge.

Which is the innate problem in our current model of raising “self-confident children” (and, by the way, next week is the start of a series on Raising Thriving Children).

And it is why we keep hoping to feel confidence, first, rather than having to build it as we go.

Listen to this week’s podcast for the Thriving Tool of Confidence — and we will be wrapping up the Thriving Tool Series with this tool.

Tools of Thriving Series
Introduction
Thought Awareness
Only Control What You Can

The Responsibility Formula
The Perspective Shift
Your Built-In Importance Indicator
The Importance Matrix
The Appreciation Approach
A Thriving Breath
Systemize Your Life
Using Mindfulness To Thrive

Systemize Your Life

Tools To Thrive Series

Systemize Your LifeGoals are great.  Except they give you no path to get there.  And goals can interfere with your happiness.  If you can’t get there, you feel frustrated.  Once you do get there, you can feel let down, not sure what to do next.

But you need goals, right?

Well, they are a starting point.

But what if you put “systems” in place to move you toward your goal?

Some people believe they need habits that move them forward.  But habits are formed through systems you create to move you forward toward some goal.

Want to write a book?  Don’t focus on the book every day.  Focus on writing every day.  Set aside 15 minutes, maybe an hour, and write.  Or decide to write 500 words per day.  That is your system.  Follow it, and soon you have a book.  But then there is a system that moves you forward, past the goal.

Make sense?

Listen to this week’s podcast for more info on “systeming” your life.

 

Tools of Thriving Series
Introduction
Thought Awareness
Only Control What You Can

The Responsibility Formula
The Perspective Shift
Your Built-In Importance Indicator
The Importance Matrix
The Appreciation Approach
A Thriving Breath

The Importance Matrix

Tools To Thrive Series

The Importance MatrixDo you find yourself chasing after all of those “urgent” tasks, only to discover that they really don’t matter?

President Dwight Eisenhower said, “I have to kinds of problems.  The urgent and the important.  The urgent are not important and the important are never urgent.”

Sometimes, the urgent things ARE important.  They probably get done right then and there.  But then the urgent (but not important) tend to crowd out the important (but not urgent).  For example, those meetings and tasks at work that you take on can seem urgent.  But they might not be important.  On the other hand, relationships with a spouse or children can get pushed to the side because they are not urgent.  Yet they are important.

The sad part is when the important (but not urgent) get shuffled off to the side for so long that they become no longer important.  Broken relationships, hurting spouses — they drift away.

The Eisenhower Box is named for President Eisenhower.  It is a powerful tool in your Thriving Toolbox, as you work to get priorities clarified.

Listen in to learn how to use it in your life.

Tools of Thriving Series
Introduction
Thought Awareness
Only Control What You Can

The Responsibility Formula
The Perspective Shift
Your Built-In Importance Indicator

Your Built-In Importance Indicator

Tools To Thrive Series

Your Built-In Importance IndicatorWouldn’t it be nice if you had a built-in detector that let you know when something is important?  Kind of like a treasure detector to point out when to pay attention and dig in?

Guess what?

You do!

But you probably aren’t using it the way it was designed.  Most people aren’t.  In fact, most people use this indicator as an Avoidance Indicator — using it to AVOID things, even important things.

Used correctly, this built-in indicator will help you decide what is important and what is trivial.  It will also guide your choices.  Used incorrectly, and it will keep you stuck, small, and missing opportunities.

Ready to learn how to use it?  Listen below. . .

 

Tools of Thriving Series
Introduction
Thought Awareness
Only Control What You Can

The Responsibility Formula
The Perspective Shift

The Perspective Shift

Tools To Thrive Series

Shift Your PerspectiveAs I ran through the woods, I could only see the trees and path right in front of me.  I had no idea how far up the mountain I had climbed.  I had no idea about the turns in the trail ahead.  And I couldn’t even see very far back, given all the twists.  My vision was only the few yards ahead.

Sometimes, life is like that.  We are so close to something, we lose perspective.  We can only see the next little period of time.  Which means that some things seem bigger than they are, and some things seem insignificant, but prove important.

Fortunately, one tool in your Thrive Toolbox is the capacity of changing perspectives when you want.

This week, to equip you, I want to provide you with 4 perspective shifts you can use.  Then, you can see the forest, even when the trees are right in front.

Tools of Thriving Series
Introduction
Thought Awareness
Only Control What You Can

The Responsibility Formula