Finding Self-Confidence

HowToBuildSelfConfidenceWe all want confidence — SELF-confidence.  We want to be confident before we act.  In other words, I want to feel confident of myself before I move toward something.

Or maybe that’s just me!  🙂

But I think that comes at it from the wrong direction.  FEAR seems to be between us and action.  Mostly because of the order we have for action:

Confidence ==> Action ==> Success.

But instead, we have:

FEAR ==> Wait for Confidence ==> Keep Waiting

If you understandt the real flow, then you can step aside and let fear pass you by, letting you take action AND gain confidence.

Listen to this episode of the Thriveology Podcast to learn more.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Getting Un-Stuck
Fear Is A Given
New Book:  Immutable Laws Of Living

How to Forgive Yourself

HowToForgiveYourselfForgiving is an important skill.  When we forgive people for hurts and slights in the past, we get to free ourselves from those events.

(That skill is so important that I wrote a book about the process I created.  That book is The Forgive Process.)

But what about forgiving yourself?

Why would you need to do that?

Because we all do thing, say things, fail to do and say things, that we regret. And those regrets can haunt us.  They can keep us stuck in the past… in events that are already over.

Sometimes, if another person is involved, they might not even remember what happened or what was said.  But you might continue to torture yourself, chastising yourself for what you said/did, didn’t say/didn’t do.

This requires another skill:  self-forgiveness.

Not just a way to get yourself off the hook.  Not just a way to gloss over what happened.  But a way to move forward.

How do you forgive yourself?  Listen to this podcast episode to find out!

RELATED RESOURCE:
Finding Self-Confidence
Building Self-Esteem
How to Forgive
Book:  The Immutable Laws of Living
Book:  The Forgive Process

Clean and Dirty Pain

Which one are you feeling?

CleanDirtyPainAnyone who tells you that you can go through life without getting hurt and feeling pain is either lying or hiding.

Life is rough-and-tumble.  Pain is unavoidable.

But there is a type of pain that we can leave behind.  That is more a result of our own thinking than anything external, any injury either physical or emotional.

Call it “Dirty Pain.”  Which is distinguished from “Clean Pain.”  Clean pain, that is the initial hurt.  When you hit your foot, it hurts.  That is the bodily response to the injury.  When someone says something to you that is mean and spiteful, your feelings are hurt.  That is the emotional pain.  It is initial.

But what if you chastise yourself about your being “clutsy,” or about your “stupid action” that led to that foot injury?  Or what if you made that hurtful comment about you, and not about the person who said it?  What if you kept dwelling about it?

Let me be clear:  it is fine to ask how you might prevent an injury in the future.  It is fine to listen to feedback from others, that might give you some insight into things you need to change.

It’s the next step after that.  When you keep berating yourself.  It’s when you take the next step… you attach to the pain.  Buddhism refers to that as suffering.  You and I can think of it as “Dirty Pain” (a term coined by ACT – a mode of therapy).  It is dirtied by our own mental state — not the cause of the pain.

What do you do about that?  We discuss it in this week’s Thriveology Podcast.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Life Is Tough
Letting Go
What You Can Control
The Forgive Process Book

Ease <==> Dis-Ease

Finding your ease when the days are filled with scary stuff.  Don’t let the fear keep you from thriving.“So, I guess it is pretty tough to thrive these days, isn’t it?” a friend remarked.  He was assuming that, in order to thrive, life must be going well.  Everything in place, and everything humming along.

Sure, those are nice days.  And yes, they represent easier moments.  But thriving is not just about having things go well.  It is possible to thrive, in spite of what life is throwing your way.

Or maybe because of what life is throwing at you.

And wow, life is really throwing it at us these days, isn’t it?  Yesterday marked the one year anniversary since the first COVID case made it to the States.  We’ve been living with that virus now for a year.  Then throw in the economic struggles, thanks to the virus.  Then toss in a little political struggle, some social unrest.  These are challenging days!

And if we aren’t careful, we can let media (social and otherwise) keep us hyped up on fear and dread.

Or we can find our place of calm.  Our spot of ease.

In this episode of Thriveology Podcast, I cover the space between Un-Ease, Dis-Ease, and Ease.  How to make the shift.

RELATED RESOURCES
The Coping with COVID series
Dealing with Stress
Finding Calm
Better Breathing

Starting Your Day Strong
Ending Your Day Better
My Books on Thriving

 

Merry Stressness and Happy Blue Year!

Merry Stress-ness and Happy Holi-daze! Dealing with holiday stress this Christmas season.And just like that, the Holiday season is upon us! All the hustle and bustle. All the events. All the demands… in the midst of a time that you want to be enjoyable, meaningful, and manageable!

Why the stress?

In this week’s Thriveology Podcast, I discuss the causes of holiday stress. But more importantly, I cover the ways to cope with holiday stress.

Don’t let stress rob you of the deeper meanings and connections of this holiday season.

RELATED RESOURCES
Why We Stress
5 Ways to Shift from Stressful to Restful
Deepening the  Holidays
Book:  Thrive Principles

Stressed Out? Here’s Why…

WhyWeStressThese days are filled with stress. The pandemic, politics, relationships, work, pay, weather. You name it, these are stressful times.

But what IS stress?

As much as we toss that term around, sometimes almost as a badge of honor, you may not think about what that term is REALLY about.

When we talk about “stress,” in everyday life, we are more talking about psychological stress.  Which is really just a term for something else.  Something we’d rather not claim.

But once we recognize what it really is, we can do something about it.  So, let’s figure out why we stress… and what we can do about it.

Listen below to this episode of the Thriveology Podcast to discover what stress really is… and what we can do about it.

RELATED RESOURCES
We ALL Have Fears
Your Thriving Body
Dealing With Anxiety
Dealing With Depression
Thrive Principles Book

Dealing with Election Anxiety

Dealing With Election AnxietyHasn’t 2020 been a doozy of a year?  Pandemics, weather, policitics… asteroids???  What else can happen?

A national election, of course (in the United States, anyway).  And not just any election.  It would be a doozy, too, any other year.

But this year??

According to a recent poll, over 70% of those polled in the States say that the election is a significant source of stress.  And 77% saya they are worried about the future of the US.

How do we deal with the Election Anxiety?  How can we keep from feeling the negative impact of the election on our emotional well-being?

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I cover what causes the anxiety, and six ways to deal with it.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
The Coping with Covid Series
What CAN You Control?
My Books

“I’m Feeling a Little Acedic”

What is acedia?  And why do you feel the way you do during this pandemic?  The antidote to acedia.Six months.  That is how far we are into the pandemic… at least in the US.  Yes, I  know.  There were cases before then.  But March marks the start of the social effects of pandemic.  Lock down.  Restrictions.  Social distance.  Six months.

And many people are feeling the effects!  I would go so far as to saying most, but plenty would contact me to tell me that they are not.

If you are feeling the effects, I am speaking to you.  Do you find yourself just… listless?  Out of sorts?  Lost in things to do, but not getting them done?

That feeling you are having is not a new one, just from the pandemic.  It dates back to the ancient Greeks.  It was an idea that Christian writers discussed as the distraction of monks and others.  In fact, it was a thought process Christian writers warned against, as it can spiral.

And here we sit, 1/2 of a year into feeling the effects of a pandemic.  And many people are feeling just a bit… acedic.  The term for this feeling was Acedia.  That listless, not caring, ought-to-be-doing-something restlessness, where nothing actually gets done.

Is that the feeling you have?

It is perfectly normal… which is different than saying it is helpful.  So while it is no surpirse you are feeling it, let’s talk about the acedia antidote.

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Coping with Covid Series
Hope During These Days
LeeBaucom.com
My Book Page

3 Moves for a Better Day

3 Moves For A Better Day:  how to add 3 things to your day to continually improve your life… kaizen for living.Sometimes, it seems that any change in life has to be a 180° turn… starting or stopping something you were not doing or doing.  And sometimes, that is important.  You might stop smoking, start exercising, or make some other major shift in life.

But in reality, more of growth in life is really about continued improvement.  This matches the Japanese idea of kaizen, or “change for the better.”  This is the concept behind many manufactoring processes — small incremental changes that amount to bigger cumulative improvement.

That can apply to your life!  It probably already does, but can you make it more intentional?  For example, let’s say I start exercising.  I go for a 20 minute run/walk.  That might be a 180° change — I started doing something I wasn’t doing.  But then what?  I would likely not just stay with that.  I might add more time, more distance, or maybe run for a higher percentage.  Gradual improvements that add up to more change.

Which leads to this episode of the Thriveology Podcast.  I cover 3 moves you can make for a better day. Two of the moves involve one tool I have used with my coaching clients for years.  It is a powerful process that has led to some pretty amazing transformations.

The other is just one to add in… or constantly improve… depending upon whether it is already a part of your life or not.

If you are ready to build a better day, these 3 moves can be the key.  And guess what?  It will only shift 30 minutes of your day.  All for a huge shift in life!

You can listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Personal Kaizen
Being Growth Oriented
Morning Shift for a Better Day
Evening Shift for a Better Day
Grab the Thrive Journal – NOW AVAILABLE!

7 Ways to Worry Less

7 ways to start worrying less immediately. Learn to deal with your worry thoughts and regain your life.Is worry robbing you of living?  Are you putting more energy into worry thoughts than you want to, leaving you less energy for where you want to spend your thoughts (and your life)?

Most people do. Worry is an aimless attempt to locate threats and mitigate them.  Why aimless?  Because worry can shift from topic to topic, issue to issue, person to person, without action or direction.

In the last Thriveology Podcast episode, I noted 6 truths about worrying. This was to provide a background understanding for taking action.  Action to reduce your worry.  Which, as promised, is the topic of this episode.

I cover 7 strategies that will help you reduce your worry (and wasted worry energy) and let you make a mental shift to more helpful thoughts.

If you worry, this episode is for you.  If you worry that you worry too much, this episode is definitely for you!  Tune in to learn how to reduce your worries — and deal with worries as they pop up.

RELATED RESOURCES
6 Truths about Worry
How To Stress Less
Dealing with Anxiety
Dealing with Depression
Thrive Principles Book
My Other Books