Category Archives: Happiness

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Train Your Brain to Thrive

How Neuroscience, Mindset, and Action Work Together

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John AssarafGood intentions pave a road to nowhere good… right?  But why is it that even our best of intentions, our best plans, do not get us the results we want?  Why is it that we stall out (assuming we even get a good start)?

It turns out that success (and thriving) takes far more than just the desire to get there.  It takes far more than simply starting.

And yet, we humans seem to just get our own selves into trouble.  We trip ourselves up!

Fortunately, there are ways we can get out of our own way… and neuroscience can help us.

Which is why I am bringing you an interview with John Assaraf.  You may be familiar with him from his various media appearances, or from his books, or even from a few documentary movies he’s been in.  And if you haven’t seen him yet, you will love hearing from him.

 

RELATED RESOURCES
John’s Website (with free ebook for you)
Innercise (check out the app)

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3 Steps to Ending Your Fear of Failure

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Don't let fear of failure stop you!Have you failed?

Did that failure stop you from moving forward?  Did it get you stuck?

Failure is a part of life.  Ever watched a child learn to walk?  Success only comes after repeated failures.  Yet that same child keeps on trying, until the child gets it right.

What happens in adulthood?  Why does a fear of failing keep us from acting?

When we don’t take action for fear of failing, we have pre-emptively failed.

We have already decided we would fail, so we never even start, guaranteeing we don’t get to where you want to go.

A few decades ago, I started a business.  It failed miserably.  And it kept me stuck for awhile.  But one day, I realized there was something else to consider about that failure.  There were some lessons I learned.

Those are lessons I apply every single day.

Let me suggest 3 questions that will help you turn a failure around, and make the failure simply another opportunity.

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You Are Going To Die

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You are going to die.Let’s just say it and get it out of the way.  You, I, and everyone else, is going to die.  An inescapable fact of life.  We will die.

A morbid thought?  I don’t think it has to be a morbid thought, as much as an organizing thought.

Reality.

It brings things into focus.

Years ago, I met a man who was dying from cancer.  He was focused, determined.  His prognosis was terminal, so that was not his determination.  He was determined to live out the rest of his life to the fullest.  He spent his time working on projects dear to him.  He made apologies and amends to those whom he felt he had hurt.  He was letting his loved ones know they were loved.

His imminent death gave him focus.

One day, he turned to me, after I told him how much I respected how he was facing death, and said, “What about YOUR death?”

“What?,” I asked.  I wasn’t the one dying, after all.

Then he said, “YOU are going to die, too.  Maybe after me, maybe before me.  But you will die, too.  Don’t wait.  There may be no waiting.”

Death has a way of rearranging your priorities.

Listen to this week’s podcast to ponder death and YOUR life.

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The SSC Strategy for Thriving

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StartStopContinueHave you heard of Kaizen?  It is the principle of continuous improvement.

Continuous improvement is a great model for change.  It is based on constant changes toward a better outcome.  No need for sudden upheaval or change (although that is sometimes necessary).  Instead, course corrections are made along the way, nudging something toward improvement.

That “something”?  It might be a product (like Japanese automobiles, where Kaizen became the method of them becoming excellent automobiles), companies, or even individuals.

But how, you might wonder, do you actually DO that continuous improvement?

Let me offer a super-simple tool that you can apply to your own life, to your company or workplace, or even to a relationship or organization.

SSC – Start, Stop, Continue

Three benchmarks:  What do you need to Start?  What do you need to Stop?  What do you need to Continue?

In this week’s episode, I discuss how to apply SSC to your own life… and to other areas in your life.

Listen in for a new tool.

RELATED RESOURCES
Dealing with Change
Why We Avoid Change
Paradigms
Limiting Beliefs

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Hang in There!

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How to Hold Up When Life Gets You Down.Life is tough.

Not always.  But along the way.  And even after you get past one struggle, that doesn’t mean there isn’t another one up ahead.  That’s just the nature of life.

It doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong or that the world, God, or the Universe is out to teach you a lesson.  It’s just the nature of life.

You may notice 2 crowds.  First is the “Grind Culture” that just says to suck it up, keep on grinding, and MAKE it work.  They have a point that you have to get through some tough times.  But sometimes, it is wise to step back and ask if the fight is worth it.

Then there is the “Sign Culture.”  That group tells you that any struggle is an indication you are on the wrong path, that something is wrong with you, and that life “should” be easy… if you are doing it right.  They have a point that sometimes, a struggle is pointing to you moving the wrong way… swimming upstream.  But the fact is, life means struggles… at times.

So what do you do to hold up when life gets you down?

We discuss it… and 5 things to do… on this episode of the Thriveology Podcast.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Does Everything Happen for a Reason?
Dealing with Emotional Pain
Facing Fears
Accepting What Is
Book:  Thrive Principles – 15 Strategies for Building YOUR Thriving Life

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Blame and Responsibility

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Responsibility in a culture of blame.Blame is rampant in today’s world.  We all quickly point the finger at someone/something else, proclaiming, “It’s not my fault!”

Interestingly, I also notice how rampant it is for people to take the credit for successes.

They/we claim credit for what goes right but refuse blame for anything that goes wrong.

We live in a “culture of blame.”

Which is what often keeps us from growing.  From changing.  From learning from our mistakes.  If someone/something else is to blame, what could I (or you) do?  Not my fault… not my problem.

Change requires us to change the equation.  To take responsibility, when we are responsibible.  To share credit when others deserve credit.

Great leadership is about accepting ultimate responsibility for mistakes and problems, while giving credit for successes.

So, how do we turn the equation around?  I discuss it in this week’s Thriveology Podcast.

RELATED RESOURCES
Responsibility
NMF Syndrome In Marriage
Showing Up
Thrive Principles Book
Immutable Laws of Living Book

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Give Thanks

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Thanksgiving, the holiday, is often lost in food and family.  What is lost?  Our opportunity to experience gratitude.  The chance to really give thanks.

Many times, it can feel like an obligation.  Instead, I suggest we see it as an opportunity.  Even in tough moments (actually, especially in tough moments), we can make a shift from fear to thanks, from lack to sufficiency.

Over the years of my podcast, I have repeated this theme, both on Thanksgiving episodes and elsewhere.  Below is a list of the various episodes around thanksgiving and gratitude.  Just click each one to listen to the episodes.

>> Why Thankful?

>> Why Being Thankful Matters

>> Giving Thanks: Thriving Through Gratitude

>> What Thriving People Know About Gratitude And Appreciation

>> Living Your Engagement

And if you want to find my books on thriving, CLICK HERE.

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Is Micro-Quitting Keeping You from Thriving?

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Are you Micro-Quitting? How to stop the micro-quit habit.Do you micro-quit?  I sure do.  And I need to quit micro-quitting!  Maybe you do, too.

It undermines my goals (and likely, your goals too).  And it keeps you from thriving.

What is micro-quitting?  Well, if you quit something (an activity, a job, a sport, a hobby, etc.), you stop doing it.  You step away from it.

But when you micro-quit, you don’t follow through on the smaller building blocks of the bigger thing.  You don’t quit.  But you chip away at that bigger thing.

For example, you are exercising.  Maybe you like to.  Maybe you want to be in better shape.  But either way, you have decided to exercise.

You set your alarm for an early workout.  It goes off.  You decide to hit the snooze button and do a shorter session.  Or you give up on that next set of reps.  Even though it was in your plan… and it was your intention to do it.  You don’t.  You micro-quit on that plan, on that action.

And in the process, you may be undermining your goals.  A little at a time, a micro-quit at a time.

It might just be keeping you and me from thriving!

I discuss micro-quitting (and how to micro-commit) in this episode of the Thriveology Podcast.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Your Fierce Life
The Habits Series
Taking on Discomfort

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Change Your Algorithms

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All around the news, we are hearing about algorithms built into our social media.  It directs what we see and hear. It is how all social media decides what to feed you next.  If you like this video, then you might like this one.  If you know this person, then you may know this person.  If you respond to this ad, then you might respond to this one.  The task?  To keep you on the app or the website.  Because that is the thing about social media:  they want your attention and your time.  

But guess what?  You have algorithms that are running inside of you.  They are your “Personal Algorithms.”  They are your habits that run your daily life.  And they don’t really function that differently than what the tech companies use.

In essence, algorithms are simply If/Then formulas.  “If” this happens, “then” you do this.  In life, they represent your own daily habits and reactions.  The “If” is a trigger.  Something happens.  And when it does, you “then” do something.  If your stomach growls, then you grab a bite to eat.  If you are walking by the cookie jar, then you grab one and eat it.  If the alarm goes off, then you hit the snooze several times.  If/Then.

Those algorithms can keep you stuck or free you up, depending on how you use them.

Michael Balchan, CEO of Heroic.My guest this week is Michael Balchan.  He is the CEO of Heroic.us, an app based approach to thriving more in life.  Listen in as we discuss your habits, your life, your algorithms, and how to be on your own “heroic journey.”

Throughout his adulthood, Michael has been trying to not just “punch the clock,” but to thrive.  And over the years, he immersed himself in learning and executing.  He sought wisdom from others, then worked to apply it into his life.

Along the way, he moved from finance professional to professional coach.  And on that path, he realized his own mission was to help the world to thrive.

On this episode, we talk about ways to thrive, and a new resource to help you thrive.

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Heroic.us
Thrive Principles Simplified
The Habits Series

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Start Here

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YouAreHere“Where should I start?”, my client asked.

Lots of times, we want to make changes, we want things to be different.  And sometimes, we want things to be different before we make any changes.

We want a different starting point.

If you’ve ever been at a park or mall, looking at the map to figure out where to go, you might notice that one very important feature, “You Are Here.”  It points to the spot where you are now.

Not where you want to go.  Not where you want to be.

But where you are.

If you are at the mall and see the store you want… on the other side of the mall, you might wish you were standing nearby, near the destination store.  Not all the way across the mall.

But if you are on the other side of the mall, that is where you are.  Navigating to the destination from a closer point — a point where you are NOT — is not likely to be effective.

You start where you are.

And you might just find… it is a pretty good place to start.

Listen to this podcast episode for how to start where you are, and why where you are is a pretty good place to start.

RELATED RESOURCES
Accepting What Is
Limiting Beliefs
Making Changes
Book:  The Immutable Laws of Living

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