The Midlife Transition Series

Moving through MY midlife.Some researchers have argued that there is no such thing as a midlife crisis.  They say that it is not an actual event or crisis.

But just ask any therapist or life coach.  You will hear a different story.  We work with people in the midst of a midlife crisis (or trying to put the pieces of life back together after a crisis) on a regular basis.

The problem is the research assumptions.  Yes, everyone goes through adolescence.  And there are clear indications of this life stage.

But not everyone has a midlife crisis.  And the indications can vary from person to person.

If you are here, you probably aren’t doubting the reality of a midlife crisis.  You are probably trying to understand it or figure out what to do about it (or the damage from it).

I put together a series on midlife crises.  You can find the links to each episode in the series below.

MID LIFE TRANSITION SERIES:

4 Myths of a Mid Life Crisis

The Heart Of A Midlife Crisis

A Healthy Midlife Transition

Midlife Crisis or Depression?

My Midlife

3 Ways Fear Keeps You Stuck

3WaysFearKeepsYouStuckIt seems to be a specialty of mine… getting people UN-stuck.  Which means I spend a fair amount of time noting what gets people stuck in the first place.  Makes sense, right?  If you want to get un-stuck, you need to know why you got stuck.

There are some clear reasons why people get stuck.  For example, when you violate one of the 16 Immutable Laws Of Living I highlight in my latest book, you will end up stuck.  Guaranteed.  Which is why I try to spell them out for you, so you can get unstuck.

One area that consistently gets people stuck is fear.  And the way to get un-stuck is not to eliminate fear.  Mostly because it is impossible to eliminate fear.  It is wired into your brain.  Just part of being alive.

But, and this is the good news, you only have to do a little pivot in order to let fear help you.

Before I go into how you can pivot, though, I clarify three primary ways that fear can get you stuck (and keep you stuck).  Listen to learn the three ways, and the one necessary pivot.

RELATED RESOURCES:
The Immutable Laws of Living Book
Getting Un-Stuck
Fear and Living

The Happiness Trap

TheHappinessTrapHave you noticed how many books there are in the bookstore on how to be happy?

Which raises the question on why, in a recent poll, only 1/3rd of Americans claimed to be happy.

We have fallen into the “happiness trap,” chasing after happiness as if that is the goal of life.

It isn’t.

Over the past few weeks, I have been doing lots of interviews in lots of places about my new book, The Immutable Laws of Living.  In just about every interview, they ask me about the Immutable Law, “It isn’t about happiness.”  Some have even asked how that can be so, since the forefathers of the United States noted the right of “pursuit of happiness.”

First, their concept of happiness was far deeper than our current definition of a feeling of elation — usually about something that “happens.”  But second, pursuit is different than having.

When we chase happiness, it stays just out of reach.  Keeping us trapped in the chase… trying to find the next thing that will finally do it… only to find that it fails, too.

What’s the answer?

Listen to this episode to find the way out of the trap.

RELATED RESOURCES:
It’s Not About Happiness
Chasing Happiness Chases It Away
“I’m Just Not Happy”
Dealing With Down Days
The Immutable Laws of Living

Surviving To Thriving

FromSurvivingToThrivingWe always start at survival.  You have to survive to do anything else.  Surviving is based in dealing with scarcity and threats.

Sometimes, people get stuck in survival mode… whether it is necessary or not.  For most people, survival mode is less a necessity and more a habit.

Then, we live.  Living is about finding comfort.  People to support you, work to do, things to enjoy.  And for many people, this is the stage that feels like success.  The paycheck and opportunity gives enough comfort to enjoy life.

So, many people get stuck in the live mode.

But then, there is the opportunity to thrive.

Survive >>>> Live >>>>> Thrive

What makes the shift?  Realizing that the living isn’t enough.  There is something more.  Something deeper and more satisfying.  It’s about finding your purpose, finding your deeper meaning, making an impact in the world.

It requires taking on the challenges, looking for the opportunities… growing and stretching.

While surviving is about scarcity, living is about comfort, thriving is about abundance.  It isn’t a change in what is around you, as much as a shift in perspective.

Listen to this week’s episode to learn more about making the shifts.

RELATED RESOURCES
Meaning and Purpose
Making An Impact
Building A Thriving Life

How To Find Your Confidence

HowToBuildSelfConfidenceWe all want confidence — SELF-confidence.  We want to be confident before we act.  In other words, I want to feel confident of myself before I move toward something.

Or maybe that’s just me!  🙂

But I think that comes at it from the wrong direction.  FEAR seems to be between us and action.  Mostly because of the order we have for action:

Confidence ==> Action ==> Success.

But instead, we have:

FEAR ==> Wait for Confidence ==> Keep Waiting

If you understandt the real flow, then you can step aside and let fear pass you by, letting you take action AND gain confidence.

Listen to this episode of the Thriveology Podcast to learn more.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Getting Un-Stuck
Fear Is A Given
New Book:  Immutable Laws Of Living

Do Your Part (And Wait For The Moment)

Rules for Living Series

KnowTheRulesSome people feel that they are at the whims of the world, unable to make a difference in their own lives.  (They often fall into blame and helplessness.)

Other people believe that they are fully in charge, their lives entirely in their control. (Ironically, they also often fall into blame — self-blame — and frustration.)

The fact is, life is a combination of things that happen and what you do about them — your you respond to the situations life throws your way.  Events, good and bad, are unavoidable.  Your choice is how you deal with them, how you choose to respond.

And if you are trying to get somewhere… if you have some hope or dream… then the process is to keep moving forward, making your choices and taking action.  And at the same time, you wait for the timing to be right.

It is more likely that the timing will be right when you keep taking actions in the direction of what you want.  Luck follows action.

Listen to this week’s podcast for how you might use an equation to get to the outcome you want.

RULES OF LIVING SERIES
#1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct
#2 Be Present In The  Present
#3 Accept the Past and Revise the Future
#4 Grieve Losses and Celebrate Gains
#5 Forgive to Live
#6 Listen to Your Higher Self
#7 Teach Others How to Treat You
#8 Control What You Can; Release The Rest

Control What You Can; Release The Rest

Rules for Living Series

Rules123It was interesting to see how much my client seemed to relish her self-diagnosed “issue” when she smilingly told me, “I’m a bit of a control freak. I just want things my way.  Mostly because I know how they should be.”

So, I asked that tough question, “How is that working out for you?”

The smile turned to tears as she told me how much pushback she was getting from people.  “They just don’t know better,” she assured me, letting me know that she just needed some better ways of getting people to follow her lead (ummm, demands).

My client was making a common mistake.  One that leads to misery — on her part and the part of others around her.  She was trying to control things she could not.  AND she was failing to control things she could.

The desire to control comes from fear.  We fear things won’t go well, won’t work out.  So, we innocently try to control things… the wrong things.

There are only a few things we can control. But when we switch from trying to control the things we cannot to the things we can, life opens up! Controlling what we can, it turns out, is enough.

In this week’s Thriveology Podcast, I cover another Rule for Living:  Control the Things You Can, and Release the Rest.  Listen below.

RULES OF LIVING SERIES
#1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct
#2 Be Present In The  Present
#3 Accept the Past and Revise the Future

Grieve Losses and Celebrate Gains

Rules for Living Series

The Rules of Living by Lee Baucom

Losses are painful.  No way around it.  They are also normal. Or to say it differently, loss is a normal part of life.  Not an anomalie.  Part of being alive.

And loss leads to grief.  That is our natural reaction to any loss.  Big grief or small grief — that is simply how we process a loss, so that we can re-weave life and continue.

Sometimes, we get caught up in the “unfairness” of a loss, and we get stuck in the grief. In the process, we lose out on life.  We fail to celebrate the gains that also are a part of life.

Think of these three stages throughout your life.  We have a certain orientation to life — we understand what life is about… until something changes — a loss or a gain.  And then, we experience disorientation.  The process of grieving and celebrating brings us to a new orientation — a re-orientation.  Not the same as before.  But not necessarily worse than before.  Just different than before.

So, rule #4 is to grieve your losses and celebrate your gains.  Listen for details below.

RULES OF LIVING SERIES
#1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct
#2 Be Present In The  Present
#3 Accept the Past and Revise the Future

Accept the Past and Revise the Future

Rules for Living Series

Rules for Living:  Accept the past and revise the future

Time is an interesting thing, isn’t it?  How often do we keep reliving the past, and imagining the future?  Unfortunately, when we are caught in the past and the future, the present suffers.

As I have watched myself and others, I have noticed the tendency we have in trying to change what has happened.  We try to find some way to re-do what has already been done.  We want to find a revisable past.

And simultaneously, we don’t do what we can to revise and re-envision the future.  If only we could swap those two approaches!

What if we accept the past and revised the future, versus trying to revise the past and giving up on the future?

As we continue our series on the Rules for Living, this week, we look at how to accept the past and look toward the best possible future.

Listen below

RULES OF LIVING SERIES
#1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct
#2 Be Present In The  Present

Your Circle Of Control (and what you can’t)

CanControlOh, if only we could control things.  Everything.  Wouldn’t that be nice?  Finally, a chance to change the outcome, keep your loved ones safe, rid the world of injustice….

But… we can’t.  We sometimes get caught up in trying.  In particular, we often fall into the trap of trying to control other people.  Usually, with bad results.  Sometimes, with disasterous results.

And yet… those concerns.  They might keep you up at night and fill your day with worry.

Worry is one way we pretend to have control.

So, if we can’t control those things out there, what CAN we control?

That is the topic of this episode of the Thriveology Podcast.  Listen in and discover the “spheres” in your life — what you can control, and what you can’t.

Then, take action to shift your focus to what you CAN control.

RELATED RESOURCES:
The Thrive Principles Book
The Immutable Laws of Living Book
Thoughts 
Worry