Your Circle Of Control (and what you can’t)

CanControlOh, if only we could control things.  Everything.  Wouldn’t that be nice?  Finally, a chance to change the outcome, keep your loved ones safe, rid the world of injustice….

But… we can’t.  We sometimes get caught up in trying.  In particular, we often fall into the trap of trying to control other people.  Usually, with bad results.  Sometimes, with disasterous results.

And yet… those concerns.  They might keep you up at night and fill your day with worry.

Worry is one way we pretend to have control.

So, if we can’t control those things out there, what CAN we control?

That is the topic of this episode of the Thriveology Podcast.  Listen in and discover the “spheres” in your life — what you can control, and what you can’t.

Then, take action to shift your focus to what you CAN control.

RELATED RESOURCES:
The Thrive Principles Book
The Immutable Laws of Living Book
Thoughts 
Worry

How To Start Fresh (in the New Year)

A fresh start to your new year.If you haven’t heard it yet, let me be the first to say, “Happy New Year!”  I doubt I made the cut, but just in case….

One of my favorite things about school, way back when, was that the semester ended.  Each semester stood by itself.  No matter how poorly the semester had gone (and there were several), it was over.  Classes ended, assignments were in, tests were over.  Nothing I could do would change it. So, I might as well turn my attention to the next semester.

It was nice to have a fresh start.

Which, by the way, is available to any of us at any time.  We can always choose a fresh start.

It won’t wipe the past away.  But we do have the option of starting where we are and moving forward.

In the moment, we have that option.

Each day, we have that option.  We get up to a new day, and can start fresh.

Every month, we can do the same, closing out the month and moving into something new.

But the new year… that is when we really feel it!

So, how do we make the New Year a Fresh Start? Let’s talk about how to do it in this episode of my podcast.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Resolutions
Forgiving
Apologizing
Letting It Go
Thrive Principles

3 MORE Ways We Get Stuck

Getting Unstuck

MoreWaysWeGetStuckIn the last episode, I discussed 3 ways we get stuck. This week, I cover 3 MORE ways we get stuck.

As it turns out, we humans are pretty darn creative in how we get ourselves stuck.

And how we manage to think it was someone else who did it!

So, in this second round of ways we get stuck, I turn my attention to 3 ways that seem to be outside of ourselves, and outside of our control.

Which is why they are such problems.  If you believe the problem is “out there,” it is hard to know how to change things “in here.”

So, let’s take a look at these three ways we get stuck, and how to turn it around.

3 Ways We Get Stuck

(and how to get unstuck)

HowWeGetStuckWe all get stuck. We want to move forward… but something holds us back. WE hold ourselves back.

But WHY do we get so stuck?

Well, we do it to ourselves.

We don’t mean to do it, but we just get in our own way.

Which also means that once you understand WHY you get stuck, you can get OUT of your own way.

You can get unstuck.

Let’s talk about 3 ways you get yourself stuck — and how to get UN-stuck.

 

Merry Stress-ness

and Happy Holi-daze!

Merry Stress-ness and Happy Holi-daze! Dealing with holiday stress this Christmas season.And just like that, the Holiday season is upon us! All the hustle and bustle. All the events. All the demands… in the midst of a time that you want to be enjoyable, meaningful, and manageable!

Why the stress?

In this week’s Thriveology Podcast, I discuss the causes of holiday stress. But more importantly, I cover the ways to cope with holiday stress.

Don’t let stress rob you of the deeper meanings and connections of this holiday season.

Thankful & Grateful

Using Gratitude to Thrive

Be thankful. Be grateful. Shift mindsets and thrive. 4 ways to focus on gratitude.In the United States, we turn our minds this week to being thankful. . . right before we turn our minds to sales, merchandise, consumption. . . and all the things we don’t have.

It always strikes me as ironic that on Thursday, we are likely going to share the things for which we are grateful, then on Friday, we will knock each other down for the next “have to have.”

Perhaps that is a metaphor of our daily life.  We know we should be thankful.  We know we should be grateful.  And we think we would be. . . if only x,y, and z were true.  If only we had the right job, person, money, or toys in our lives.  And in that instant, we are pulled back into a scarcity mindset.

A thankful mindset shifts us to gratitude for what we DO have, takes us away from a focus on what we DON’T have, and helps us shift away from the scarcity threat.

Let’s be honest:  if you are able to read this post, you are among a fortunate group of people with resources.  But this isn’t really about comparing ourselves to those with less (or more) as much as being grateful for whatever we DO have.

In this week’s podcast, I discuss the power of thankfulness, and give you 4 ways to practice gratitude in your life.  Try it out to see if it helps you to shift mindsets and thrive.

OTHER RESOURCES:
Being Thankful
Showing Gratitude
Thrive Principles

3 Growth Mindsets for Tough Times

3 growth mindsets to help you with tough times.Your mindset doesn’t change what is happening “out there,” but it can change how you perceive it “in here,” in your mind and thoughts.  Which can also change your actions.

The circumstances are the same.  But whether you feel stuck or empowered, that depends upon the mindset you carry.

Over the years, I have worked to shift into more productive and useful mindsets when tough times hit.

(And I promise, they will hit — just part of life.  Not a sign that the world, the universe, God, or anything else hates you, is teaching you a lesson, or anything else.  Being alive means there will be tough times.)

In this week’s podcast, I try to compare some not-so-helpful mindsets with some better ones.  I want to suggest three mindsets for you.  And you can adopt them at any time!

Mindset is up to you. . . once you realize it is up to you!

RELATED RESOURCES
Dealing with Roadblocks
You and Your Thoughts
Thrive Principles

Building Your Resilience Muscle

Building your resilience muscle.You’ve got this muscle in you that you might not know about it.  Maybe it is strong, just naturally.  Or maybe you have built it on purpose.  Or maybe it needs a little strengthening.

The muscle?

Your “resilience muscle.”  It helps power you through tough times, so you can bounce back from the struggles.

Here’s the problem:  many people don’t know you can build it.  Many people do their best to avoid tough times and struggles.  And many refuse to let that struggle build the muscle.

One problem:  the struggles are unavoidable.  But if you let that Resilience Muscle atrophy, those struggles are just tougher.  If you strengthen the muscle, future struggles are not so insurmountable.

Let’s get fit and build that Resilience Muscle!

RELATED RESOURCES
Damaged, Resilient, or Thriving?
Thrive Principles Book
What Thriving People Know About Tough Times

Parenting Toward Your Goal

Raising Thriving Children Series

Wrapping up our series on raising thriving children.Start with where you want to end.  Always a good plan for any trip.  Including the long-range trip of parenting.  We need to know where we want to go, if we want any hope of getting there.

This week, we close out the series on Raising Thriving Children with a few reflections and final thoughts.  And the first comes straight from Stephen Covey:  “Start with the end in mind.”

And then course-correct as you go!  Because that is part of good navigation.  It isn’t a straight path.  Clarity of the destination is important.  Being exactly on-track is not so important.

As you are going through those stages, remember this:  Parenting is always toward your own obsolescence.  Your task as a parent is to make yourself unnecessary (not absent, just not needed).  We are here to raise self-sufficient, capable people.  And that requires recognizing that parenting is toward obsolescence.

I provide 5 final thoughts in this week’s podcast.

Raising Thriving Children Series
Introduction
Eggs, Balls, And Turtles
The Important Influence On Children
Ingredients To Thriving Children
Antidote To A Narcissistic World
Teaching Thrive Principles To Kids
Shift From Expectation To Agreement

Shift From Expectation To Agreement

Raising Thriving Children Series

Expectations don't work.  Shift to agreements.“I expect you to _____” is the starting point to many dead-end conversations.  First, it is not a conversation — it is a demand.  Second, it often leads to resentment, resistance, or both.

And yet, it tends to be the default for many parents.

Why?

Because they don’t see an alternative.

Let me suggest one:  Agreement.

“Can we agree ______?” is often far more productive — and FAR more likely to actually happen.

This is not abdication of parenting.  It is recognizing that expectations don’t work in relationships.  But agreements can be built.

Give it a try.

Listen in to this week’s podcast to learn how.

Raising Thriving Children Series
Introduction
Eggs, Balls, And Turtles
The Important Influence On Children
Ingredients To Thriving Children
Antidote To A Narcissistic World
Teaching Thrive Principles To Kids