Teach Others How To Treat You

Rules For Living Series

What Are The Rules For Living?“Why don’t they treat me the way I want to be treated?”, my client asked me.

So, I asked, “Have you taught them how to treat you?”

The silence let me know.  But after a pause, my client said, “I guess it never crossed my mind I needed to do that.”

The fact is that people do not know how we want to be treated… unless we are clear about how we are to be treated.  Otherwise, we get treated the way THEY want to treat US, and not the reverse.

In the end, that leaves people frustrated, defensive, and feeling mistreated.

Your BOUNDARIES are what lets people know how you want to be treated.  They are your “NO’s” of life.  Things you will not let people do to(wards) you.

If your boundaries are solid, you are already following this rule.  But if you find yourself being treated in ways you don’t want to be, time to start following this rule, “Teach others how to treat you.”

Listen to this week’s Thriveology Podcast for yet another Rule for Living.

RULES OF LIVING SERIES
#1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct
#2 Be Present In The  Present
#3 Accept the Past and Revise the Future

Listen To Your Higher Self

Rules For Living Series

Rules for Living:  Listen to your Higher Self

Have you ever had that moment when you were doing something or saying something, and there was that other voice in your head… the one questioning why?  Maybe you already knew you were acting in a way you would not want to, or perhaps you were saying something you knew would be hurtful.  But you found yourself doing or saying it anyway….

Your Higher Self was talking.  Were you listening?

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, we talk about listening to that Higher Self.  It is far more resilient and wise than that other voice, the Ego, that gets our ear (and our actions) lots of times.

But when we make a shift… to that Higher Self… our lives make a shift, too.  We make better choices, treat others better (along with ourselves), and work from a place of courage.

This week’s Rule?  Listen to your Higher Self.  Listen to this episode for more.

RULES OF LIVING SERIES
#1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct
#2 Be Present In The  Present
#3 Accept the Past and Revise the Future

Find Freedom From Forgiving

Rules For Living Series

The Rules of Living Series:  Forgive to Move Forward.Have you ever noticed how many times, we get dragged into the past and the pain, even when those hurtful times are over?  Those remnants of the events can keep us stuck, frozen in the hurt and pain.

Unless we forgive.

That’s a big word, I know.  One that is packed with meaning… and not always helpful meanings.

In another podcast, I highlight my process for actually forgiving.  It is important enough that I have a book coming out on the Forgive Process (actually, the name of the book) in October.

In this episode, we discuss why it is so hard to forgive, why you should do it anyway, and why this is so important as a rule for living.  If you struggle with forgiving, please take a listen.  It might just change your mind!

RULES OF LIVING SERIES
#1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct
#2 Be Present In The  Present
#3 Accept the Past and Revise the Future
#4 Grieve Losses and Celebrate Gains

Grieve Losses and Celebrate Gains

Rules for Living Series

The Rules of Living by Lee Baucom

Losses are painful.  No way around it.  They are also normal. Or to say it differently, loss is a normal part of life.  Not an anomalie.  Part of being alive.

And loss leads to grief.  That is our natural reaction to any loss.  Big grief or small grief — that is simply how we process a loss, so that we can re-weave life and continue.

Sometimes, we get caught up in the “unfairness” of a loss, and we get stuck in the grief. In the process, we lose out on life.  We fail to celebrate the gains that also are a part of life.

Think of these three stages throughout your life.  We have a certain orientation to life — we understand what life is about… until something changes — a loss or a gain.  And then, we experience disorientation.  The process of grieving and celebrating brings us to a new orientation — a re-orientation.  Not the same as before.  But not necessarily worse than before.  Just different than before.

So, rule #4 is to grieve your losses and celebrate your gains.  Listen for details below.

RULES OF LIVING SERIES
#1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct
#2 Be Present In The  Present
#3 Accept the Past and Revise the Future

Accept the Past and Revise the Future

Rules for Living Series

Rules for Living:  Accept the past and revise the future

Time is an interesting thing, isn’t it?  How often do we keep reliving the past, and imagining the future?  Unfortunately, when we are caught in the past and the future, the present suffers.

As I have watched myself and others, I have noticed the tendency we have in trying to change what has happened.  We try to find some way to re-do what has already been done.  We want to find a revisable past.

And simultaneously, we don’t do what we can to revise and re-envision the future.  If only we could swap those two approaches!

What if we accept the past and revised the future, versus trying to revise the past and giving up on the future?

As we continue our series on the Rules for Living, this week, we look at how to accept the past and look toward the best possible future.

Listen below

RULES OF LIVING SERIES
#1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct
#2 Be Present In The  Present

Be Present In The Present

Rules of Living Series

Rules of Living:  Be Present in the Present

Last week, we started in a new series about my own Rules for Living.  These are the rules I try to follow in my efforts to live a thriving life.

This week, we head into rule #2:  Be Present In The Present.

These days, the buzzword is “mindfulness.”  In reality, our minds tend to be much too full.  And mindfulness is really about being present — really being in the experience of this moment.

But how do you do that?  First, you have to really show up.  Second, you have to make sure that you “distract-proof” yourself.  Third, it is all about understanding our thoughts — and letting them just be thoughts that pass on.

I cover some reasons why this rule is so important… and how to improve your “presence in the present” in this week’s podcast episode.  Listen below.

RULES OF LIVING SERIES
#1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct

 

 

 

Let Fear Point, Not Direct

Rules of Living Series

What Are The Rules For Living?Whenever I am playing a game, I like to know the rules… what I can do and can’t do; what I can get away with, and what will get me into trouble.

I have the same feeling about life.  The “rules” are principles or strategies to use when things are tough.  They give me a decision tree, to guide my choices.

The rules keep me moving forward, toward what I want.  They also keep me honest and living within my virtues.

I’ve gathered those rules together and want to share them with you.  I hope you find them helpful, even if you edit or alter them to fit for you.

This week is Rule #1:  Let Fear Point, Not Direct

I have discovered that fear is a powerful force for people.  It might protect us, sometimes.  But it can also hold us hostage from our dreams and aspirations.

It gets in our way for one simple reason:  we use fear to direct our lives.  Fear is better used to point the way… to show us what’s important.

Let me explain further in my podcast this week, rule #1 of my Rules for Living series.

The MPI Triad

"Make It Matter"

The MPI Triad -- Meaning, Purpose, Impact.I admit it. Her words have stuck with me for decades now. She told me, “Don’t waste it.” She meant that I shouldn’t waste my time… my life. Just before she died, she told me, “Make it matter.” She wanted to make sure I knew not to waste the precious time I had, and to make my life matter.

Her dying words to a young chaplain.

And those words have lived within me in the 3 decades since.

They still shape my work and my philosophy.

I discussed not wasting life in a prior podcast episode.

But what does it mean to Make It Matter? How do we make sure our lives matter, not for our own self, but for the world? How do we leave this place better for our being here?
The MPI Triad helps to clarify. That triad holds Meaning, Purpose, and Impact. How we make sense of what happens, how we move into the world, and what difference it makes.

Let me tell you a bit more in this week’s podcast episode.

RELATED RESOURCES
Meaning & Purpose
Impact
Thrive Principles

The Appreciation Approach

Tools to Thrive Series

The Appreciation ApproachYour brain is really only capable of being in one of two modes:  fear/threat or love/appreciation. Unfortunately, the fear/threat mode is pretty much the default and automatic.

Fortunately, changing to manual and shifting to love/appreciation is not complicated.

More than that, there is plenty of research to point to the specific benefits of that shift:

  • Better emotional health,
  • Higher pain tolerance,
  • Higher sociability,
  • Greater life satisfaction,
  • More sleep,
  • More exercise,
  • etc., etc., etc.

There really isn’t much of a downside to gratitude and appreciation.  It just requires a shift in habits to get there.

Got 10 minutes or so per day, just for the next month?  YOU can build your appreciation/gratitude  toolkit and add it to your Thriving Toolbox.

Tools of Thriving Series
Introduction
Thought Awareness
Only Control What You Can

The Responsibility Formula
The Perspective Shift
Your Built-In Importance Indicator
The Importance Matrix

Habiting Your Goals

Thriving Habits Series

Stop making goals and start building habits that move you to your goals.We like to make goals.  Most of us start the year with a set of goals.  And most goals, certainly most resolutions, never quite make it.  Goals are “out there,” some deadline in the future. Resolutions may start now, but rarely do they make it into habit.

Think about goals as an end result of your systems and habits.  If you just set goals, they will always be “out there.”  But if you create systems (your environment) and habits (repeated actions), you move toward the goals.

Goals are fine.  But only when supported by your systems and habits.

Learn more in this week’s podcast.  You can listen below.

Habit Series:
You Become Your Habits
Habit Sticking