Resilience

Redux: Merry Stressness!

December 13, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

And just like that, the Holiday season is upon us! All the hustle and bustle. All the events. All the demands… in the midst of a time that you want to be enjoyable, meaningful, and manageable!

Why the stress?

In a repeat of last year’s podcast (since we still have that holiday stress!), I discuss the causes of holiday stress. But more importantly, I cover the ways to cope with holiday stress.

Don’t let stress rob you of the deeper meanings and connections of this holiday season.

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Stuck in When/Then?

December 6, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

TheWhenThenTrap It’s a trap. And we all fall into it.

Sadly, we set it up on ourselves, then step right into it.

WHACK! We are stuck… waiting. And that’s the trap — the wait. Life can’t begin until….

What’s the trap? The “When/Then Trap.” You know, that time when you say, “When ____ happens, then I will ______.” When you finally get that great job, get that perfect spouse, make $$’s, win the lottery, etc. THEN, life can finally get started. THEN you can be happy, help others, find meaning, do… well, you get the point.

It just seems that something has to change, (right?) before you can get to something else. And so, we get stuck… waiting for that something to change. Not realizing that there may be other ways to get there… or even other places to get to!

There are alternatives to being stuck in the “When/Then Trap.” In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, we explore why and how we get stuck. And how to get out of that trap. Listen below.

GRAB MY BOOKS ON THRIVING:
Thrive Principles
The Immutable Laws of Living

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What Is Stress?

November 29, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

WhyWeStress I bet you hear it as much as I do. You may even say it. “I’m so stressed!” The malady of the modern age. Stressed out, exhausted, and frustrated.

But what IS stress?

As much as we toss that term around, sometimes almost as a badge of honor, you may not think about what that term is REALLY about.

These days, I tend to push my body, physically. I take a good long walk in the morning, usually do a workout after that, then go to jiu jitsu 3 to 5 evenings per week. My body can, indeed, get stressed.

When we talk about “stress,” in everyday life, we are more talking about psychological stress. Which is really just a term for something else. Something we’d rather not claim.

But once we recognize what it really is, we can do something about it. So, let’s figure out why we stress… and what we can do about it.

Listen below to this episode of the Thriveology Podcast.

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Does Gratitude Matter?

November 23, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Be thankful. Be grateful. Shift mindsets and thrive. 4 ways to focus on gratitude. If you are in the States, we are on the cusp of the Holiday season, kicking off with Thanksgiving in just a few days.

For me, the Holidays throughout the year are moments to step into gratitude. Not just in a little “thank you for that gift,” but in a gratitude for being alive. For being here. For experiencing life.

Each morning, while walking the neighborhood with my dogs, Ziggy and Clementine, I reflect on 5 things for which I am grateful. That starts my day with an attempt to shift my attention to thankfulness, to gratitude.

Granted, some days, that feeling quickly evaporates when the work piles up.

But I try to remember to be grateful on a daily basis.

How about you?

Did you know that research shows how simple gratitude habits can re-wire the brain… away from fear and threat? Away from depression and anxiety? Just by thinking with gratitude. Just by focusing on things for which you are grateful.

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I discuss the power of gratitude to shift your thinking and re-wire your brain… just in time for a day we set aside to be particularly Thankful.

Know that I am thankful for you, my reader/listener. Wishing you the best of Thanksgivings!

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Broken??

October 25, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Have you seen this picture in your FB feed or on Twitter? It crossed my path a number of times.

The first time I saw it, I was immediately uncomfortable. But it took a little time for me to be clear on why.

There is a point to it: just because you apologize doesn’t mean everything is okay.

I like that point.

But I worry about going the other way: if someone hurts you, you are shattered. With that, I disagree.

Not just a little.

A lot.

I firmly believe that we are all built to heal from hurts. I firmly believe that encoded within us is the capacity to not just move forward, but to thrive, even when someone deeply wounds us.

We humans are natural story-tellers. And we all LOVE to tell the “someone done me wrong” stories — thus, 90% of country songs!

And people do, indeed, do us wrong (and we do others wrong).

The problem is not the stories. It is our attachment to those stories. When we begin to define ourselves by the stories of what happened to us, we become that story. It no longer happened TO us, it IS us.

And we get stuck. We become defined by the story, (almost always, A story). Then, we are limited. We stop growing. We stay attached to the story.

In this week’s podcast, I discuss what happens with a story, and why we can’t allow ourselves to be caught by the story.

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Finding Self-Confidence

October 4, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

HowToBuildSelfConfidence We all want confidence — SELF-confidence. We want to be confident before we act. In other words, I want to feel confident of myself before I move toward something.

Or maybe that’s just me! 🙂

But I think that comes at it from the wrong direction. FEAR seems to be between us and action. Mostly because of the order we have for action:

Confidence ==> Action ==> Success.

But instead, we have:

FEAR ==> Wait for Confidence ==> Keep Waiting

If you understandt the real flow, then you can step aside and let fear pass you by, letting you take action AND gain confidence.

Listen to this episode of the Thriveology Podcast to learn more.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Getting Un-Stuck
Fear Is A Given
New Book: Immutable Laws Of Living

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No-Bull Ways To Change Your Life

September 20, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

TransformYourLifeNoWooWoo My coaching client was wanting to thrive. He told me he was constantly studying about self-growth. But he wanted to really transform his life. And, he told me, so much of what he was reading was, to quote him, “woo-woo stuff.” He used that term as a reference to ideas he thought were “out there.”

So first, let me just say, what is “out there” to one person is commonplace and sensible to another. But I knew what he was saying. He wanted to change things in his life… but he wanted it based in research and reliability. He wanted to get it down to the basics.

I told him we could easily look at the “low hanging fruit,” the easy things to accomplish — the ones that give the biggest bang for the effort… pretty much guaranteed.

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I outline 4 areas to improve, all in very “non-woowoo” ways… and very simple ways… so that you can get the biggest bang for your efforts.

Listen in for the details!

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Change in the Shadow of Terror

September 6, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Sometimes, success comes from being at the right place at the right time. Sometimes, tragedy comes from being at the wrong place at the wrong time. But what happens when you are at the right place at the wrong time?

For Kushal Choksi, it saved his life. It was September 11, 2001. Kushal was running late, and rushing to get to a meeting in the World Trade Towers. He was racing through the mezzanine when a horrific impact jarred him and threw the world into chaos. What had happened? What should they do?

Some people were frozen in place. Others were fleeing the building. Still others were simply trying to get back to their day, oblivious to the danger that was mounting. Choksi headed for the door, but was met by a security guard who was imploring people to return to the building. Given the debris raining down, that made some sense.

But before he could turn, another voice and a strong hand on his shoulder said, “No, get out!” Kushal did. That decision saved his life.

And that day completely reordered Choksi’s life. He was lost for some time after. What seemed like the recipe for success was floundering. It was not just about being wealthy and powerful. Somehow, the “American Dream” no longer seemed the goal.

What then?

After much seeking, Kushal found his way forward with new tools for dealing with his anxiety and fears. And that led him to another path of success.

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, as we approach the 20th anniversary of that horrific attack, I had a chance to sit down with Kushal and talk about meaning, purpose, breath, and mindfulness.

Listen below.

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Dealing with Criticism

August 30, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

I don’t know anyone who really likes criticism. Well, at least receiving criticism. I do know some people who seem to relish dishing out criticism! You probably know some, too.

But criticism can be important feedback. And feedback can help us to make changes in ourselves and our habits. They can help us change harmful or unhelpful parts of our lives into more productive and healthy parts.

Which means we have a problem. We don’t like getting criticized. But that criticism might just hold some important information for transformation.

One of the coaches on my staff once remarked on some rather critical feedback from a client, that she had received some “free coaching.” It took a few moments to get away from a defensive reaction and toward a helpful reaction. But my coach made the shift.

First, let me be clear that not all feedback is helpful feedback. Not all feedback needs your attention.

Which raises the question: how do you sift through that feedback to decide what to discard and what to keep? How do you isolate the treasures amidst the trash? These days, there is a lot of trash to sift.

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I explore a framework from feedback coach, Shanita Williams. Her sifting strategy can help you find the useful and release the useless feedback.

Listen below.

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Responsibility vs. Blame

August 2, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Responsibility in a culture of blame. Blame is rampant in today’s world. We all quickly point the finger at someone/something else, proclaiming, “It’s not my fault!”

Interestingly, I also notice how rampant it is for people to take the credit for successes.

They/we claim credit for what goes right but refuse blame for anything that goes wrong.

We live in a “culture of blame.”

Which is what often keeps us from growing. From changing. From learning from our mistakes. If someone/something else is to blame, what could I (or you) do? Not my fault… not my problem.

Change requires us to change the equation. To take responsibility, when we are responsibible. To share credit when others deserve credit.

Great leadership is about accepting ultimate responsibility for mistakes and problems, while giving credit for successes.

So, how do we turn the equation around? I discuss it in this week’s Thriveology Podcast.

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