thrive podcast

Contribution

January 24, 2022 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

When I talk about Thriveology, many people say, “Oh, that is more of that ‘being happy’ stuff, isn’t it?”

My response: No. Well, not just that. Sure, being happy is fine. No need to avoid being happy! But that is only one dimension of life.

It IS the dimension of life that hedonism celebrates and pursues. If it feels good, do it. Enjoy life. Have a good time. Seek out pleasure and avoid pain.

Except that doesn’t lead much to thriving. It posits your satisfaction with life externally to you. It is THAT thing that makes you happy, brings you pleasure, makes life worthwhile.

Eudaimonia was the counterpoint in greek thought. This is the pursuit of life satisfaction by what things mean to you internally. It is how you bring meaning, enjoyment, and satisfaction into your life from within.

And there is a cornerstone of that: Contribution. What we GIVE to the world, versus what we GET from the world. Giving versus Taking.

Research has long pointed out the power of giving and contributing to the mental health, wellbeing, meaning/purpose, and satisfaction of people to their lives. Which is why it is part of The Thrive Code.

Listen below to learn why contribution matters and some principles of doing it.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Challenge
Control
Community
Lee’s Books

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Controlling What You Can

January 10, 2022 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Many people make the Control Error — they attempt to control what they cannot control, while also failing to control what they can.

Why?

Because they don’t know what they can’t control and they don’t know what they can control.

Humans have a desire to feel like they are “in control” of their lives. Most people hate feeling out of control. And yet, by making the Control Error, they constantly feel out of control (and work harder to control… what they cannot control).

Thriving is tough when you feel out of control. And it is even more difficult when you are not controlling the areas you can control.

There is a code to thriving. Think of it as the computer code behind all the things your computer programs can do. The basic assumptions and directions come from the underlying code. It allows the tasks to happen.

Similarly, there is an underlying code to thriving. If the code is working, daily tasks and living go much better. You thrive in your life.

One element of that Thrive Code, we discussed in the last episode: Challenge. In this episode,we take on the second element of the Thrive Code: Control. More importantly, it is about controlling what you can control, while releasing yourself from what you cannot control.

Listen to the episode below.

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It’s A Challenge!

January 4, 2022 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Life is a challenge, isn’t it? I don’t think I am saying anything that is a surprise these days. We’ve been dealing with a pandemic now for over 2 years. For many people, that has led to many challenges throughout life.

Which brings me to my word for 2022. Each year, my family chooses one word to live into for the year. And this year, my word is Challenge. Not just to acknowledge the challenge of these days, but to claim that I am going to live into and lean into the challenge!

Even without a pandemic, life would still be a challenge. Why?

Because that is the nature of life. Life challenges us.

We can see it as an obstacle. We can even stomp our feet and proclaim that “it shouldn’t be this hard.” But that won’t change the fact that life is just a challenge. So, philosophically, I just acknowledge and accept that it is a challenge. Not an obstacle; a challenge.

Also, I need a challenge. If I don’t have something to take on, some challenge to work toward, I tend to get stagnant. I’ve learned this several times over this past year. Looking back, I see the challenges along the way. I see how they have helped me to grow and expand. A challenge is part of my growth.

But guess what? That is true for all of us. Our bodies and minds have evolved to be at their best when under a challenge. Too little challenge, and the body weakens. So does our brain. So does our mind.

Which is why I will also be doing more challenges (of myself and of clients) in the coming year.

What is YOUR challenge? (Listen to the podcast below for more on why we need a challenge, and how to take one on.)

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Stuck in When/Then?

December 6, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

TheWhenThenTrap It’s a trap. And we all fall into it.

Sadly, we set it up on ourselves, then step right into it.

WHACK! We are stuck… waiting. And that’s the trap — the wait. Life can’t begin until….

What’s the trap? The “When/Then Trap.” You know, that time when you say, “When ____ happens, then I will ______.” When you finally get that great job, get that perfect spouse, make $$’s, win the lottery, etc. THEN, life can finally get started. THEN you can be happy, help others, find meaning, do… well, you get the point.

It just seems that something has to change, (right?) before you can get to something else. And so, we get stuck… waiting for that something to change. Not realizing that there may be other ways to get there… or even other places to get to!

There are alternatives to being stuck in the “When/Then Trap.” In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, we explore why and how we get stuck. And how to get out of that trap. Listen below.

GRAB MY BOOKS ON THRIVING:
Thrive Principles
The Immutable Laws of Living

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What Is Stress?

November 29, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

WhyWeStress I bet you hear it as much as I do. You may even say it. “I’m so stressed!” The malady of the modern age. Stressed out, exhausted, and frustrated.

But what IS stress?

As much as we toss that term around, sometimes almost as a badge of honor, you may not think about what that term is REALLY about.

These days, I tend to push my body, physically. I take a good long walk in the morning, usually do a workout after that, then go to jiu jitsu 3 to 5 evenings per week. My body can, indeed, get stressed.

When we talk about “stress,” in everyday life, we are more talking about psychological stress. Which is really just a term for something else. Something we’d rather not claim.

But once we recognize what it really is, we can do something about it. So, let’s figure out why we stress… and what we can do about it.

Listen below to this episode of the Thriveology Podcast.

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Correcting Course

November 8, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

“How did I end up here?,” my client asked. He told me that for so long, he thought he was headed in the right direction. Now, he thinks maybe it was the entirely wrong direction.

I asked him, “Did you course correct along the way?” He looked at me rather quizzically. So, I elaborated, “If you are sailing, you point the boat toward some object in the distance, in the direction you want to sail. You sail toward it. But the winds push, the current pushes, and you end up a little off-course. So, you course correct.”

But then, I added: “Sometimes, you realize that where you thought you wanted to go is not really where you want to go… or maybe it isn’t safe to go. Maybe a storm or something else. But you have to go somewhere else. So, you change course.”

And I continued, “Then there are the times when you don’t course-correct as you go, and the small space of being off-course begins to broaden as you go. What might have been just a course correction at the beginning is now a course change.”

Then I returned to our dialogue and asked, “So, did you course correct… or is this a course change?”

Just to be clear: either is fine. We all have the option of course changes in life. Sometimes, it is just a course correction. But it is okay if you need a course change.

It’s a part of life.

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I explore the difference between a course correction and a course change. What does it look like, and when is it time for a change?

Listen below.

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Broken??

October 25, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Have you seen this picture in your FB feed or on Twitter? It crossed my path a number of times.

The first time I saw it, I was immediately uncomfortable. But it took a little time for me to be clear on why.

There is a point to it: just because you apologize doesn’t mean everything is okay.

I like that point.

But I worry about going the other way: if someone hurts you, you are shattered. With that, I disagree.

Not just a little.

A lot.

I firmly believe that we are all built to heal from hurts. I firmly believe that encoded within us is the capacity to not just move forward, but to thrive, even when someone deeply wounds us.

We humans are natural story-tellers. And we all LOVE to tell the “someone done me wrong” stories — thus, 90% of country songs!

And people do, indeed, do us wrong (and we do others wrong).

The problem is not the stories. It is our attachment to those stories. When we begin to define ourselves by the stories of what happened to us, we become that story. It no longer happened TO us, it IS us.

And we get stuck. We become defined by the story, (almost always, A story). Then, we are limited. We stop growing. We stay attached to the story.

In this week’s podcast, I discuss what happens with a story, and why we can’t allow ourselves to be caught by the story.

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Are Mis-Wants Keeping You Stuck?

October 11, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Chasing mis-wants does not lead to happiness. It does shift you toward misery. Have you ever wanted something… just knowing that if you had it, you would be… happy?

And if you got it, did you find yourself happier? Not just for a few moments or days, but long-term?

Sometimes, the “buyer’s remorse” sets in right after the purchase, with you realizing that no, that shiny new object didn’t make you happier (and may have even become an instant burden), and no, happiness did not suddenly appear.

The term for our wanting those things that don’t actually lead to satisfaction or happiness is “mis-wants.” The wants we have that aren’t as significant as we thought. We literally “miss” when we aim at those “wants.”

And guess what? That is MORE often true than not. Rarely does that thing get us the effect we want and expect.

What DO we want? We think it is happiness.

But it isn’t.

Not really.

Listen to the episode for more on those Mis-Wants.

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Finding Self-Confidence

October 4, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

HowToBuildSelfConfidence We all want confidence — SELF-confidence. We want to be confident before we act. In other words, I want to feel confident of myself before I move toward something.

Or maybe that’s just me! 🙂

But I think that comes at it from the wrong direction. FEAR seems to be between us and action. Mostly because of the order we have for action:

Confidence ==> Action ==> Success.

But instead, we have:

FEAR ==> Wait for Confidence ==> Keep Waiting

If you understandt the real flow, then you can step aside and let fear pass you by, letting you take action AND gain confidence.

Listen to this episode of the Thriveology Podcast to learn more.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Getting Un-Stuck
Fear Is A Given
New Book: Immutable Laws Of Living

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How Fear Keeps You Stuck

September 27, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

3WaysFearKeepsYouStuck It seems to be a specialty of mine… getting people UN-stuck. Which means I spend a fair amount of time noting what gets people stuck in the first place. Makes sense, right? If you want to get un-stuck, you need to know why you got stuck.

There are some clear reasons why people get stuck. For example, when you violate one of the 16 Immutable Laws Of Living I highlight in my latest book, you will end up stuck. Guaranteed. Which is why I try to spell them out for you, so you can get unstuck.

One area that consistently gets people stuck is fear. And the way to get un-stuck is not to eliminate fear. Mostly because it is impossible to eliminate fear. It is wired into your brain. Just part of being alive.

But, and this is the good news, you only have to do a little pivot in order to let fear help you.

Before I go into how you can pivot, though, I clarify three primary ways that fear can get you stuck (and keep you stuck). Listen to learn the three ways, and the one necessary pivot.

RELATED RESOURCES:
The Immutable Laws of Living Book
Getting Un-Stuck
Free of Fear Series

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