Category Archives: Thrive Principles

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Accept the Past and Revise the Future

Rules for Living Series

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Rules for Living: Accept the past and revise the future

Time is an interesting thing, isn’t it?  How often do we keep reliving the past, and imagining the future?  Unfortunately, when we are caught in the past and the future, the present suffers.

As I have watched myself and others, I have noticed the tendency we have in trying to change what has happened.  We try to find some way to re-do what has already been done.  We want to find a revisable past.

And simultaneously, we don’t do what we can to revise and re-envision the future.  If only we could swap those two approaches!

What if we accept the past and revised the future, versus trying to revise the past and giving up on the future?

As we continue our series on the Rules for Living, this week, we look at how to accept the past and look toward the best possible future.

Listen below

RULES OF LIVING SERIES
#1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct
#2 Be Present In The  Present

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Let Fear Point, Not Direct

Rules of Living Series

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What Are The Rules For Living?Whenever I am playing a game, I like to know the rules… what I can do and can’t do; what I can get away with, and what will get me into trouble.

I have the same feeling about life.  The “rules” are principles or strategies to use when things are tough.  They give me a decision tree, to guide my choices.

The rules keep me moving forward, toward what I want.  They also keep me honest and living within my virtues.

I’ve gathered those rules together and want to share them with you.  I hope you find them helpful, even if you edit or alter them to fit for you.

This week is Rule #1:  Let Fear Point, Not Direct

I have discovered that fear is a powerful force for people.  It might protect us, sometimes.  But it can also hold us hostage from our dreams and aspirations.

It gets in our way for one simple reason:  we use fear to direct our lives.  Fear is better used to point the way… to show us what’s important.

Let me explain further in my podcast this week, rule #1 of my Rules for Living series.

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The MPI Triad

"Make It Matter"

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The MPI Triad -- Meaning, Purpose, Impact.I admit it. Her words have stuck with me for decades now. She told me, “Don’t waste it.” She meant that I shouldn’t waste my time… my life. Just before she died, she told me, “Make it matter.” She wanted to make sure I knew not to waste the precious time I had, and to make my life matter.

Her dying words to a young chaplain.

And those words have lived within me in the 3 decades since.

They still shape my work and my philosophy.

I discussed not wasting life in a prior podcast episode.

But what does it mean to Make It Matter? How do we make sure our lives matter, not for our own self, but for the world? How do we leave this place better for our being here?
The MPI Triad helps to clarify. That triad holds Meaning, Purpose, and Impact. How we make sense of what happens, how we move into the world, and what difference it makes.

Let me tell you a bit more in this week’s podcast episode.

RELATED RESOURCES
Meaning & Purpose
Impact
Thrive Principles

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MORE Lessons Learned As A Chaplain

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MoreLessonsLearnedChaplainLast week, I shared some lessons I learned while I was a hospital chaplain at the beginning of my career.

In this episode of the podcast, I share another six. That makes a total of ten lessons. But they only scratch the surface.  My hope is to share some of the bigger lessons that emerged during that time.

Few people spend the kind of time a chaplain gets to spend with people on the edges of life.  Medical staff don’t have the time to spend, as much as they would like to.  Most others are only in those settings in the days of a crisis.

My evening hours gave me time with patients, after the doctors and families had gone home, while the nurses were giving medical care.  I had the chance to sit with people, while they sat with the big questions of life.  I didn’t always have the answers (often didn’t), but I had the time to walk with them as they explored their journeys.

Walking with them taught me the lessons I share today.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Lessons Learned, Part 1
Meaning & Purpose
Impact
Make It Count
Thrive Principles
Immutable Laws

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Make It Last, Make It Matter

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I was watching television.  This one commercial, it spoke to me.  Not about what they were selling, but the story leading up to the product.  The product seemed irrelevant to the message.

The message was about life.  About living.  About living long.  And living as if it mattered.

Given my own history of a health crisis, it spoke to me.  And reminded me of a cancer patient in my chaplaining days years ago.  She grabbed my arm, pulled me down, looked me in the eyes and said, “Don’t waste it.”

I think I did in the years after that.  Not completely, but enough that her words haunt me.  And call me to make it matter.  For as long as I can.

That’s what I discuss in my podcast this week.  The importance of making it last, and making it matter.  Your life, that is.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Thriving Body
Making An Impact
Finding Meaning
Thrive Principles Book
The Immutable Laws Of Living Book

 

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That Balance Between Certainty and Variety

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FindBalanceCertaintyVarietyWe need balance.  Tony Robbins notes that we have several human drives.

The first two are where we need balance:  certainty and variety.  We need to be able to count on things in life — that’s certainty.  But we also need new experiences and a change of pace — that’s variety.

Too much of one makes most of us crave the other… until we get too much of that.

Balance.

That doesn’t mean that we find the space equidistant between certainty and variety, but that we have BOTH as parts of our lives.

How is YOUR balance?

I know I am out of balance when I get exhausted by too much busyness and unpredictability (too much variety, too little certainty) or when I am bored and energy-less (too much certainty, too little variety).

In this week’s podcast, I discuss how to find the balance and why it is so important.  It is also a great lead-in to this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast, where I discuss how this can cause problems in relationships.  But it applies to everyone, single or in a relationship.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Learning and Life
Be an Experiment
Show Up
Beating Stress

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Your Circle Of Control (and what you can’t)

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CanControlOh, if only we could control things.  Everything.  Wouldn’t that be nice?  Finally, a chance to change the outcome, keep your loved ones safe, rid the world of injustice….

But… we can’t.  We sometimes get caught up in trying.  In particular, we often fall into the trap of trying to control other people.  Usually, with bad results.  Sometimes, with disasterous results.

And yet… those concerns.  They might keep you up at night and fill your day with worry.

Worry is one way we pretend to have control.

So, if we can’t control those things out there, what CAN we control?

That is the topic of this episode of the Thriveology Podcast.  Listen in and discover the “spheres” in your life — what you can control, and what you can’t.

Then, take action to shift your focus to what you CAN control.

RELATED RESOURCES:
The Thrive Principles Book
The Immutable Laws of Living Book
Thoughts 
Worry

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2 Targets To Thrive

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Two targets for thriving in good and bad times.“But where do I start?”, he asked. I was at a conference talking about thriving. I’d spent a good amount of time discussing some principles of thriving. But I could tell it was a bit overwhelming to my new friend.

He challenged me, “You said I could thrive, no matter what life is throwing my way. So, where do I start if things are going well, and where do I start when things are not going so well?”

I thought for a brief moment and said, “Either way, you aim at two targets. They both apply, whether things are going well or not so well. When you are at the top of your game or at the bottom, these two targets remain.”

“It can’t be that easy,” he replied.

“Easy? I never mentioned ‘easy.’ I just said that there are two targets, no matter where you are,” I offered.

“OK,” he responded, “I’m all ears. What are the two targets?”

Gratitude and Growth.

Those are the two targets. Targets… you aim at them. You may not always hit them. But you aim at them.

When things are good, it is easier to remember to practice gratitude — and yet, we often forget to do it. When things are tough, there are still things for which to be grateful. But it can be a challenge.

When times are tough, growth is often the outcome. But it isn’t always fun to find the lessons. And when things are good, we think we have it down — no need to learn. And yet, there are plenty of things to learn at the top. And at that bottom. And in between.

In this episode of the podcast, I discuss these two targets. And how to hit them.

RELATED RESOURCES
Gratitude
Lessons To Learn
Thoughts
Thrive Principles

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Don’t Believe Everything You Think!

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DontBelieveThinkThose thoughts, they get us into trouble, don’t they?

We keep looking for that thing that will make us happy. We think we know. We think that thing, that person, that place, that paycheck, position, etc., etc., will finally do it.

Until we get it, get there, have that relationship, or whatever… only to find that it didn’t quite work.

Oh, sure, we might be happy for a brief time. But not the way we thought. That “shiny new object” just didn’t do it. And back to the drawing board we go.

Mostly because we keep thinking that that thing “out there” is going to do it.

Notice that “happy” and “happen” share a root.  Something out there needs to happen in order for us to be happy.

Which is not the path to happiness.  No matter what your thoughts are telling you.

In this podcast episode, I discuss why our thoughts trick us, and what to do instead.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Thoughts are Thoughts
Meaning 
Making An Impact
Happiness?

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How To Start Fresh (in the New Year)

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A fresh start to your new year.If you haven’t heard it yet, let me be the first to say, “Happy New Year!”  I doubt I made the cut, but just in case….

One of my favorite things about school, way back when, was that the semester ended.  Each semester stood by itself.  No matter how poorly the semester had gone (and there were several), it was over.  Classes ended, assignments were in, tests were over.  Nothing I could do would change it. So, I might as well turn my attention to the next semester.

It was nice to have a fresh start.

Which, by the way, is available to any of us at any time.  We can always choose a fresh start.

It won’t wipe the past away.  But we do have the option of starting where we are and moving forward.

In the moment, we have that option.

Each day, we have that option.  We get up to a new day, and can start fresh.

Every month, we can do the same, closing out the month and moving into something new.

But the new year… that is when we really feel it!

So, how do we make the New Year a Fresh Start? Let’s talk about how to do it in this episode of my podcast.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Resolutions
Forgiving
Apologizing
Letting It Go
Thrive Principles

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