Posted on Monday, October 4, 2021

Finding Self-Confidence

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

HowToBuildSelfConfidence We all want confidence — SELF-confidence. We want to be confident before we act. In other words, I want to feel confident of myself before I move toward something.

Or maybe that’s just me! 🙂

But I think that comes at it from the wrong direction. FEAR seems to be between us and action. Mostly because of the order we have for action:

Confidence ==> Action ==> Success.

But instead, we have:

FEAR ==> Wait for Confidence ==> Keep Waiting

If you understandt the real flow, then you can step aside and let fear pass you by, letting you take action AND gain confidence.

Listen to this episode of the Thriveology Podcast to learn more.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Getting Un-Stuck
Fear Is A Given
New Book: Immutable Laws Of Living

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Posted on Monday, September 27, 2021

How Fear Keeps You Stuck

3WaysFearKeepsYouStuck It seems to be a specialty of mine… getting people UN-stuck. Which means I spend a fair amount of time noting what gets people stuck in the first place. Makes sense, right? If you want to get un-stuck, you need to know why you got stuck.

There are some clear reasons why people get stuck. For example, when you violate one of the 16 Immutable Laws Of Living I highlight in my latest book, you will end up stuck. Guaranteed. Which is why I try to spell them out for you, so you can get unstuck.

One area that consistently gets people stuck is fear. And the way to get un-stuck is not to eliminate fear. Mostly because it is impossible to eliminate fear. It is wired into your brain. Just part of being alive.

But, and this is the good news, you only have to do a little pivot in order to let fear help you.

Before I go into how you can pivot, though, I clarify three primary ways that fear can get you stuck (and keep you stuck). Listen to learn the three ways, and the one necessary pivot.

RELATED RESOURCES:
The Immutable Laws of Living Book
Getting Un-Stuck
Free of Fear Series

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Posted on Monday, September 6, 2021

Change in the Shadow of Terror

Surviving 9/11 and Finding Meaning

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Sometimes, success comes from being at the right place at the right time. Sometimes, tragedy comes from being at the wrong place at the wrong time. But what happens when you are at the right place at the wrong time?

For Kushal Choksi, it saved his life. It was September 11, 2001. Kushal was running late, and rushing to get to a meeting in the World Trade Towers. He was racing through the mezzanine when a horrific impact jarred him and threw the world into chaos. What had happened? What should they do?

Some people were frozen in place. Others were fleeing the building. Still others were simply trying to get back to their day, oblivious to the danger that was mounting. Choksi headed for the door, but was met by a security guard who was imploring people to return to the building. Given the debris raining down, that made some sense.

But before he could turn, another voice and a strong hand on his shoulder said, “No, get out!” Kushal did. That decision saved his life.

And that day completely reordered Choksi’s life. He was lost for some time after. What seemed like the recipe for success was floundering. It was not just about being wealthy and powerful. Somehow, the “American Dream” no longer seemed the goal.

What then?

After much seeking, Kushal found his way forward with new tools for dealing with his anxiety and fears. And that led him to another path of success.

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, as we approach the 20th anniversary of that horrific attack, I had a chance to sit down with Kushal and talk about meaning, purpose, breath, and mindfulness.

Listen below.

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Posted on Monday, August 30, 2021

Dealing with Criticism

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

I don’t know anyone who really likes criticism. Well, at least receiving criticism. I do know some people who seem to relish dishing out criticism! You probably know some, too.

But criticism can be important feedback. And feedback can help us to make changes in ourselves and our habits. They can help us change harmful or unhelpful parts of our lives into more productive and healthy parts.

Which means we have a problem. We don’t like getting criticized. But that criticism might just hold some important information for transformation.

One of the coaches on my staff once remarked on some rather critical feedback from a client, that she had received some “free coaching.” It took a few moments to get away from a defensive reaction and toward a helpful reaction. But my coach made the shift.

First, let me be clear that not all feedback is helpful feedback. Not all feedback needs your attention.

Which raises the question: how do you sift through that feedback to decide what to discard and what to keep? How do you isolate the treasures amidst the trash? These days, there is a lot of trash to sift.

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I explore a framework from feedback coach, Shanita Williams. Her sifting strategy can help you find the useful and release the useless feedback.

Listen below.

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Posted on Monday, August 2, 2021

Responsibility vs. Blame

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Responsibility in a culture of blame. Blame is rampant in today’s world. We all quickly point the finger at someone/something else, proclaiming, “It’s not my fault!”

Interestingly, I also notice how rampant it is for people to take the credit for successes.

They/we claim credit for what goes right but refuse blame for anything that goes wrong.

We live in a “culture of blame.”

Which is what often keeps us from growing. From changing. From learning from our mistakes. If someone/something else is to blame, what could I (or you) do? Not my fault… not my problem.

Change requires us to change the equation. To take responsibility, when we are responsibible. To share credit when others deserve credit.

Great leadership is about accepting ultimate responsibility for mistakes and problems, while giving credit for successes.

So, how do we turn the equation around? I discuss it in this week’s Thriveology Podcast.

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Posted on Monday, June 28, 2021

Not Winning or Losing, But Learning or Learning

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

I don’t know about you, but I was raised around competition. Not so much from my parents, but from culture. In school, you compete in all sorts of tasks… trying to prove how smart, how good, how talented, how athletic, how whatever you are… compared to the others.

It doesn’t stop there, but keeps on going. Win or lose. That’s all that matters. Well, winning. That’s what matters.

Remember Ricky Bobby from the movie, Talladega Nights? “If you ain’t first, you’re last!” In other words, you win… or you have lost.

(Do remember, though, that at another point in the movie, Ricky Bobby is talking with his Dad… and gets challenged:
Ricky Bobby: “Wait, Dad. Don’t you remember the time you told me ‘If you ain’t first, you’re last’?”
Reese Bobby: “Huh? What are you talking about, Son?”
Ricky Bobby: “That day at school.”
Reese Bobby: “Oh hell, Son, I was high that day. That doesn’t make any sense at all, you can be second, third, fourth… hell you can even be fifth.”
Ricky Bobby: “What? I’ve lived my whole life by that!”
There you go… a first… a quote in a Will Ferrell movie to make a point about thriving!)

We grow up on that whole “win or learn” thing… which ties us tightly to our ego. If we win, ego boost. If we lose, ego bruise. What will others think??

Maybe it is worth making a shift.

Nelson Mandela said, “I never lose. I either win or I learn.” When you don’t win, you can learn! Great shift. “Losing” is an opportunity for learning. When you don’t win, there is an opportunity for growth, for learning… for being better.

But it is still bound by ego. What if it isn’t even the win? But the learn? Then, we either learn… or we learn.

Listen to this episode for more on winning/losing versus learning/learning.

… And show some love with a tweet by CLICKING HERE.

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Posted on Monday, June 21, 2021

Departure Conversations

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

So far, life has a 100% mortality rate. We are not getting out of this alive! You and I, and everyone we know, will face the inevitable moment of losing loved ones, and facing our own death.

And yet, we live in a culture that would rather NOT look at this reality. Would rather NOT pay attention to this fact. Would rather NOT think about those end-of-life issues… at least until we are forced to.

Over more than the past year, there has been a daily toll of death and loss. It has been in our face in an inescapable way for many long months.

But I wonder if this has changed the conversations in any important ways about our own (and our loved one’s) death and dying.

Willy Donaldson realized that he had to have some tough conversations with his parents. In spite of his own resistance, and that of his parents, Willy had those conversations, to find out what wishes his parents had about that inescapable time. It was not just a conversation about the details, but the reasons behind their wishes. What Willy wanted was to make sure his parents’ wishes were known and understood, not just by the family, but by his parents.

It turned out that those uncomfortable conversations were a gift. They were moments of understanding and connection.

Those conversations were also a comfort for everyone. So that that last human moment was understood and out in the open.

This topic became so important that Willy, a business professor, started sharing his story. That led to a book about those important conversations. And it led to our interview about those important conversations. Listen in on this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, as Willy and I discuss those end-of-life conversations and why they are so important.

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Posted on Monday, May 24, 2021

How to Forgive Yourself

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

HowToForgiveYourself Forgiving is an important skill. When we forgive people for hurts and slights in the past, we get to free ourselves from those events.

(That skill is so important that I wrote a book about the process I created. That book is The Forgive Process.)

But what about forgiving yourself?

Why would you need to do that?

Because we all do thing, say things, fail to do and say things, that we regret. And those regrets can haunt us. They can keep us stuck in the past… in events that are already over.

Sometimes, if another person is involved, they might not even remember what happened or what was said. But you might continue to torture yourself, chastising yourself for what you said/did, didn’t say/didn’t do.

This requires another skill: self-forgiveness.

Not just a way to get yourself off the hook. Not just a way to gloss over what happened. But a way to move forward.

How do you forgive yourself? Listen to this podcast episode to find out!

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Posted on Monday, May 3, 2021

When Life Knocks You Down

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Life has a way of knocking us down. Every single person. Life hits hard sometimes, and softer sometimes. But life will knock us down. Not once. Not twice. But many times.

Many people get stuck trying to figure out what it means. I am more focused on what we do.

How do we keep moving forward? How do we find our balance again? How do we face another day?

But there it is, right there. There will be another day. The sun will rise again tomorrow. Which is why we have to decide how we are going to respond when life trips us up and knocks us down.

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I discuss how we can thrive through the tough times (even because of the tough times) and find a path through life, even when life bumps us and trips us… even knocks us down.

Listen below.

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Posted on Monday, April 26, 2021

Does Everything Happen for a Reason?

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

In recent days, I have been with people in the middle of horrific losses. Inevitably, someone steps up and in an attempt to comfort, says, “Everything happens for a reason.”

That comment is rarely comforting in the painful moments.

But deeper than that, is it even true?

Many people default to this as a reaction to something that happens and is outside of our capacity to understand.

Sometimes, we want to think that there is something behind it — not just some random event. But what does that phrase mean? Does it mean that some force is trying to teach some lesson?

For many people, the answer is yes.

But does that make it so?

Does everything happen for a reason? Given all that is going on these days, this question seems particularly important.

Let’s chat. . .

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Thriveology

Thriving regardless of what life gives you!

Category Archives: Fear

Finding Self-Confidence

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

How Fear Keeps You Stuck

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Change in the Shadow of Terror

Surviving 9/11 and Finding Meaning

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Dealing with Criticism

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Responsibility vs. Blame

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Not Winning or Losing, But Learning or Learning

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Departure Conversations

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

How to Forgive Yourself

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

When Life Knocks You Down

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Does Everything Happen for a Reason?

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.