Posted on Tuesday, January 4, 2022

It’s A Challenge!

The Thrive Code Series

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Life is a challenge, isn’t it? I don’t think I am saying anything that is a surprise these days. We’ve been dealing with a pandemic now for over 2 years. For many people, that has led to many challenges throughout life.

Which brings me to my word for 2022. Each year, my family chooses one word to live into for the year. And this year, my word is Challenge. Not just to acknowledge the challenge of these days, but to claim that I am going to live into and lean into the challenge!

Even without a pandemic, life would still be a challenge. Why?

Because that is the nature of life. Life challenges us.

We can see it as an obstacle. We can even stomp our feet and proclaim that “it shouldn’t be this hard.” But that won’t change the fact that life is just a challenge. So, philosophically, I just acknowledge and accept that it is a challenge. Not an obstacle; a challenge.

Also, I need a challenge. If I don’t have something to take on, some challenge to work toward, I tend to get stagnant. I’ve learned this several times over this past year. Looking back, I see the challenges along the way. I see how they have helped me to grow and expand. A challenge is part of my growth.

But guess what? That is true for all of us. Our bodies and minds have evolved to be at their best when under a challenge. Too little challenge, and the body weakens. So does our brain. So does our mind.

Which is why I will also be doing more challenges (of myself and of clients) in the coming year.

What is YOUR challenge? (Listen to the podcast below for more on why we need a challenge, and how to take one on.)

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Posted on Monday, December 6, 2021

Stuck in When/Then?

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

TheWhenThenTrap It’s a trap. And we all fall into it.

Sadly, we set it up on ourselves, then step right into it.

WHACK! We are stuck… waiting. And that’s the trap — the wait. Life can’t begin until….

What’s the trap? The “When/Then Trap.” You know, that time when you say, “When ____ happens, then I will ______.” When you finally get that great job, get that perfect spouse, make $$’s, win the lottery, etc. THEN, life can finally get started. THEN you can be happy, help others, find meaning, do… well, you get the point.

It just seems that something has to change, (right?) before you can get to something else. And so, we get stuck… waiting for that something to change. Not realizing that there may be other ways to get there… or even other places to get to!

There are alternatives to being stuck in the “When/Then Trap.” In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, we explore why and how we get stuck. And how to get out of that trap. Listen below.

GRAB MY BOOKS ON THRIVING:
Thrive Principles
The Immutable Laws of Living

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Posted on Monday, November 8, 2021

Correcting Course

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

“How did I end up here?,” my client asked. He told me that for so long, he thought he was headed in the right direction. Now, he thinks maybe it was the entirely wrong direction.

I asked him, “Did you course correct along the way?” He looked at me rather quizzically. So, I elaborated, “If you are sailing, you point the boat toward some object in the distance, in the direction you want to sail. You sail toward it. But the winds push, the current pushes, and you end up a little off-course. So, you course correct.”

But then, I added: “Sometimes, you realize that where you thought you wanted to go is not really where you want to go… or maybe it isn’t safe to go. Maybe a storm or something else. But you have to go somewhere else. So, you change course.”

And I continued, “Then there are the times when you don’t course-correct as you go, and the small space of being off-course begins to broaden as you go. What might have been just a course correction at the beginning is now a course change.”

Then I returned to our dialogue and asked, “So, did you course correct… or is this a course change?”

Just to be clear: either is fine. We all have the option of course changes in life. Sometimes, it is just a course correction. But it is okay if you need a course change.

It’s a part of life.

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I explore the difference between a course correction and a course change. What does it look like, and when is it time for a change?

Listen below.

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Posted on Monday, October 25, 2021

Broken??

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Have you seen this picture in your FB feed or on Twitter? It crossed my path a number of times.

The first time I saw it, I was immediately uncomfortable. But it took a little time for me to be clear on why.

There is a point to it: just because you apologize doesn’t mean everything is okay.

I like that point.

But I worry about going the other way: if someone hurts you, you are shattered. With that, I disagree.

Not just a little.

A lot.

I firmly believe that we are all built to heal from hurts. I firmly believe that encoded within us is the capacity to not just move forward, but to thrive, even when someone deeply wounds us.

We humans are natural story-tellers. And we all LOVE to tell the “someone done me wrong” stories — thus, 90% of country songs!

And people do, indeed, do us wrong (and we do others wrong).

The problem is not the stories. It is our attachment to those stories. When we begin to define ourselves by the stories of what happened to us, we become that story. It no longer happened TO us, it IS us.

And we get stuck. We become defined by the story, (almost always, A story). Then, we are limited. We stop growing. We stay attached to the story.

In this week’s podcast, I discuss what happens with a story, and why we can’t allow ourselves to be caught by the story.

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Posted on Monday, October 18, 2021

Ego Trips

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

WhenEgoTrips A couple of episodes back, I discussed some lessons I have learned in my less-than-half a year in jiu jitsu. One of my lessons was about “egoless learning.” Several people asked what I meant by my ego being involved. And what’s wrong with that… the ego?

Well, the ego tends to trip us up, throughout our lives. Why? Because our ego keeps us focused on how we appear, what others think of us, what we look like. And because of that, we try to keep up an image.

And because of that, we trip.

Soon after I learned to scuba dive, I decided I wanted to become an instructor. Partly because I wanted to learn more, partly because I enjoy teaching.

So, after some time of accumulating classes, dive time, and teaching experience, I was ready for my certification process. It was supposed to be a learning event. A place for me to learn more about teaching, got some feedback on how I was teaching, and demonstrated my capacity to teach.

They weren’t looking for me to be the best teacher. I was at the beginning of my teaching.

That said, part of my task was to teach… so they could evaluate me and help me to be better. And to get ready, I had practiced. I created a killer PowerPoint. I had “show and tells.” I just knew they would see what an amazing teacher I was. I would show them!

I finished. They offered feedback. The first piece, “You went 2 minutes longer than your limit.” I was in the middle of a rebuttal, when I realized… I was not learning. I was proving. I was worried about my appearance. My ego was there.

More feedback. More temptation for rebuttal. My ego tripped me up, and I knew it wasn’t the first time. When ego appears, learning disappears.

Listen to this episode to hear how ego trips us up.

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Posted on Monday, October 11, 2021

Are Mis-Wants Keeping You Stuck?

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Chasing mis-wants does not lead to happiness. It does shift you toward misery. Have you ever wanted something… just knowing that if you had it, you would be… happy?

And if you got it, did you find yourself happier? Not just for a few moments or days, but long-term?

Sometimes, the “buyer’s remorse” sets in right after the purchase, with you realizing that no, that shiny new object didn’t make you happier (and may have even become an instant burden), and no, happiness did not suddenly appear.

The term for our wanting those things that don’t actually lead to satisfaction or happiness is “mis-wants.” The wants we have that aren’t as significant as we thought. We literally “miss” when we aim at those “wants.”

And guess what? That is MORE often true than not. Rarely does that thing get us the effect we want and expect.

What DO we want? We think it is happiness.

But it isn’t.

Not really.

Listen to the episode for more on those Mis-Wants.

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Posted on Monday, October 4, 2021

Finding Self-Confidence

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

HowToBuildSelfConfidence We all want confidence — SELF-confidence. We want to be confident before we act. In other words, I want to feel confident of myself before I move toward something.

Or maybe that’s just me! 🙂

But I think that comes at it from the wrong direction. FEAR seems to be between us and action. Mostly because of the order we have for action:

Confidence ==> Action ==> Success.

But instead, we have:

FEAR ==> Wait for Confidence ==> Keep Waiting

If you understandt the real flow, then you can step aside and let fear pass you by, letting you take action AND gain confidence.

Listen to this episode of the Thriveology Podcast to learn more.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Getting Un-Stuck
Fear Is A Given
New Book: Immutable Laws Of Living

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Posted on Monday, August 30, 2021

Dealing with Criticism

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

I don’t know anyone who really likes criticism. Well, at least receiving criticism. I do know some people who seem to relish dishing out criticism! You probably know some, too.

But criticism can be important feedback. And feedback can help us to make changes in ourselves and our habits. They can help us change harmful or unhelpful parts of our lives into more productive and healthy parts.

Which means we have a problem. We don’t like getting criticized. But that criticism might just hold some important information for transformation.

One of the coaches on my staff once remarked on some rather critical feedback from a client, that she had received some “free coaching.” It took a few moments to get away from a defensive reaction and toward a helpful reaction. But my coach made the shift.

First, let me be clear that not all feedback is helpful feedback. Not all feedback needs your attention.

Which raises the question: how do you sift through that feedback to decide what to discard and what to keep? How do you isolate the treasures amidst the trash? These days, there is a lot of trash to sift.

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I explore a framework from feedback coach, Shanita Williams. Her sifting strategy can help you find the useful and release the useless feedback.

Listen below.

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Posted on Monday, August 2, 2021

Responsibility vs. Blame

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Responsibility in a culture of blame. Blame is rampant in today’s world. We all quickly point the finger at someone/something else, proclaiming, “It’s not my fault!”

Interestingly, I also notice how rampant it is for people to take the credit for successes.

They/we claim credit for what goes right but refuse blame for anything that goes wrong.

We live in a “culture of blame.”

Which is what often keeps us from growing. From changing. From learning from our mistakes. If someone/something else is to blame, what could I (or you) do? Not my fault… not my problem.

Change requires us to change the equation. To take responsibility, when we are responsibible. To share credit when others deserve credit.

Great leadership is about accepting ultimate responsibility for mistakes and problems, while giving credit for successes.

So, how do we turn the equation around? I discuss it in this week’s Thriveology Podcast.

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Posted on Monday, July 12, 2021

After the Apology

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

BeyondApology You apologize. Now what?

Are you finished? Is it now up to the person to whom you apologized?

Nope. That is only one part of the process.

Understand that apologies, forgiving, reconciliation, and trust are all separate functions. Each is tied to the other, but independent. Forgiving does not require an apology. An apology does not mandate forgiveness. You can apologize or forgive, and still not reconcile. And in the end, it is a choice to trust or not.

So, let’s step back into what you can do, so that you can “clear the air” and move forward. In other words, to make sure you do your part.

I suggest 6 steps to this process, and I cover each one in this episode of the podcast.

Listen below.

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Thriveology

Thriving regardless of what life gives you!

Category Archives: Responsibility

It’s A Challenge!

The Thrive Code Series

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Stuck in When/Then?

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Correcting Course

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Broken??

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Ego Trips

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Are Mis-Wants Keeping You Stuck?

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Finding Self-Confidence

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Dealing with Criticism

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Responsibility vs. Blame

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

After the Apology

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.