Category Archives: Stress

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Be Courageous: What Thrivers Know

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Be courageous.Are you courageous?  If you are like most people I know, you will tell me you are not.  “Not me,” you will say, “I am too afraid to be courageous.”

I would remind you that if you are afraid, you are half-way to courage.  The only element missing is acting.

[tweetthis]Courage is not “action without fear.” It is “acting in spite of fear.”[/tweetthis]

If you do something and are not at all fearful, then that is just doing something (and likely not anything particularly important).

But if you are feeling fear, and you choose to take action anyway, then you have acted courageously.  More than that, you are probably doing something important.

Too often, we use fear as an “avoidance indicator.”  Really, it is an “importance indicator.”  What is most important to you likely exists just on the other side of your fears.  Act in that direction.  Be courageous.

Listen to learn how.

 

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Thrivers Care For Themselves

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ThriversCareForSelvesYears ago, I was learning all I could about resilience, personal development, and how to thrive.

I forgot one very important element:  my physical health.  My body, it would seem, I just left out of the equation.

My body did send me a loud “wake up call.”  When the doctor told my wife I was headed for disability and eventual death, due to a diagnosis he had made, I woke up.

Well, to be honest, it still took me several months.  During those months, I was just struggling to move forward, one plodding foot at a time.  But about 4 months in, I was starting to get better — and realize I was NOT where I needed to be, physically.

As I discovered, it was my body that needed to cart around my thriving mind.  And, in fact, it was much easier for my mind to be thriving when my body was thriving.

Let me be clear:  this is not about being in optimal, ready-for-magazine cover, shape.  It is about taking care of your body, so that you can truly thrive.  We all have a different level of what is possible.  For most of us, though, there is room for improvement.

Learn about the 4 areas I recommend, and the very simple recommendations I make in this week’s podcast.

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What Thrivers Do To Set Boundaries

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Set and maintain clear boundaries.Your line in the sand.  Your personal fence line.  It is when you say “No.”  They are boundaries.

We all have limits.  People make demands upon us or treat us poorly, and we must all decide our limits.

Unfortunately, many people feel guilty for setting a boundary.  Saying “No” makes many people feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, demanding, or somehow unacceptable.

But if you can’t say “No,” you can’t really say “Yes.”

Having clear boundaries — setting them and maintaining them — teaches others how to treat us.  And when we teach others how to treat us, we get to focus on what is important to us.  Not just what others want you to find important, but what YOU find important.

Let’s talk about what boundaries are, how to set them, what to avoid, and how to maintain them.

 

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What Thriving People Know About Gratitude And Appreciation

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What Thrivers Know About Gratitude And AppreciationSome people seem to just know how to thrive.  For the rest of us, we need to learn the skills of thriving.

Today, we discuss one skill easily learned, with incredible impact.  And it is one I work to incorporate into my life.

Thrivers practice gratitude and appreciation.

Gratitude is the attitude and mindset of noticing what is right, what is enough, and what is in abundance in our lives.  You see, our brains naturally look at the world through scarcity — “I don’t have enough.”  But there is another mode, one that switches the brain to love — Gratitude!

When we focus upon and look for the pieces of life for which to be grateful, our brain begins to switch modes.  It re-wires to look for more evidence of abundance.  And when we show appreciation, we carve out stronger bonds with those around us.

Practicing gratitude leaves you more satisfied and happy, healthier, better connected, less depressed, and less anxious.

And you can practice gratitude in just a few minutes each day!

Learn how in this week’s podcast.

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Why We Worry (And How To Stop!)

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WhyWeWorrysmWe worry.  In spite of songs telling us, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy,” we still wake up in a cold sweat.

Or maybe you find yourself sitting at your desk, fretting about what might go wrong at home, at work, or anywhere else in life.

And if you have kids. . . don’t get me started!  From the time they are born until, well, the rest of our lives, we can spend our time worrying.

But do we have to?

Or is it just a very bad habit?

Perhaps we have made a mistake.  Have you mistakenly believed that worrying was the same as caring?  That if you cared for someone, you needed to worry?  Worry becomes an expression of care.

But does that have to be?

Let me just suggest that worry is more habit than necessity.  Sure, those worry lines may still form.  But what if you could reduce the amount of worry?  What if you could even decide when and how worry can be productive, and learn to let the rest go?

Let me challenge you to give me a listen, then try my approach, and then decide if it is possible to reduce or stop your worrying.

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From “What If” To “What Is”

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Shift from "What If?" to "What Is."We all can get lost in the Worries and Wishes.  We can lose our lives to “What If?”.

In the process, we lose focus on the present moment.  Instead, we focus on things that may never be, either worriedly or wishingly.

You see, your mind is excellent at scenarios that may play out in the future.  In fact, the scenarios and scenes are probably Oscar-worthy.

When I was sick, years ago, I realized that I could not live in the world of “What If?”  It took all of my energy to live in the world of “What Is”.

And it turns out, that was an important life lesson.

During my illness, of which there were some pretty significant (and deadly) consequences, I often said, “Let’s wait and see.”  When presented with potential effects of the illness, many told to me by well-meaning friends and family, I had to re-state, “Let’s wait and see.”

At least 95% of the “what if’s” never happened.

Isn’t that true with most of life?  Yet, we get caught up in those things down the road.  As Julius Caesar said,

As a rule, men worry more about what they can’t see than about what they can.

And yet, those future scenarios do nothing to prepare us for what is coming our way.  We just pretend it does.  And as Leo Buscaglia reminds us:

Worry never robs tomorrow of sorrow.  It only saps today of its joy.

Let’s make a shift.  Let’s move from “What If?”  Instead, let’s embrace “What Is.”  That is enough for the moment.

RELATED PODCASTS:
Present
The Problem Is Enough
This Moment

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How To End Your Day On A High Note

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End your day on a high note.Days have a rhythm.  All day long, it is a huge inhale, trying to get that energy in you and into your efforts.

But at the end of the day, it is a big exhale, a moment of relaxing and calming.

Or more accurately, it should be.

In our natural rhythm, evenings are a time to wind-down, calm down, and move toward rest.

In fact, our ancestors had no choice but to do that.  No lights to keep on.  No screens to watch or video games to play.  No social media to post to.  Just a quiet time to move toward sleep.

Experts tell us that our society is sleep deprived.  And researchers are clear that this impacts work performance, relationships, happiness, health, moods, and a myriad of other factors.

To put it simply, if you are not getting adequate rest, you will struggle to thrive!  Your body, psyche, and relationships will pay the price.

In this podcast, I cover 4 areas of your life that you can shift, so that you have the best chance for getting the best rest.

Join me to end your day on a high note, and start your night ready for rest.

RESOURCE MENTIONED IN PODCAST:
Podcast on Starting Your Day Right

 

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You Feel Your Focus

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You feel your focus.What is your focus?

Do you focus on the threats and dangers, the “what’s wrong” of life?

It is seductive.  The “news” surrounds us with stories that can lead you to believe we are in danger at every turn.

The “self-help” world tells us all the things that are “wrong” with us.

And our brain latches on to those messages.  Our brain gets sucked into the fears and threats.

So why do we seem to miss all that is “right,” going well, and good?

The “Amygdala Hijack” is to blame.

Unless we choose our focus, we will become focused on the fearful, the dangerous, the threatening.

And we will miss the beautiful, the hopeful, the meaningful, and the inspirational.

Let’s talk about how you limit your exposure.  Let me tell you about 5 ways to take back your brain and your mind from the Amygdala Hijack.

 

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Not My Circus, Not My Monkey

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Not my circus, not my monkey.One of my favorite sayings is “Not my circus, not my monkey.”

Evidently, this is a Polish proverb.

Maybe it is because I have an affinity to monkeys, but I love the meaning of that.

Am I caught up trying to deal with someone else’s circus or monkey?  Am I trying to deal with an issue over which I have no control, and maybe not even a stake?

We do that.

Friends are fighting, and we get in the middle.  Family members are angry with each other, and we intervene.  Office squabbles (in which we have no stake) pull us in.  We make the circus our own, try to take over that monkey.

I don't have a dog in that fight.When I was growing up, we had another saying:  “I don’t have a dog in that fight.”

Something is happening around us, and we involve ourselves.

But if we involve ourselves when it is not our issue, not our fight, and has little bearing on our own lives, we usually end up on the losing side.

Communication theorists talk about this as creating a triangle.  The reason for the triangle is an attempt to lower the level of conflict.  It is an attempt to stabilize the situation.  But instead of stabilizing, it only serves to destabilize, pull energy, and entrap bystanders.

We can thank our ancient ancestors for this tendency.  But it is up to us to not pretend we have a dog in the fight.  It is up to us to remember it is someone else’s circus, someone else’s monkey.

Learn how to distinguish your involvement in this podcast.  Listen below.

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You’re Going To Be Alright

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Everything will be okay in the end.  If it isn’t okay, it isn’t the end.
– John Lennon

You are going to be alright.I don’t know what is happening in your life.

Only this:  we can always continue to grow and thrive, no matter what is going on.

How do I know?  Life is that way.  We all have difficulties and struggles.  The illusion that we should not have difficulties — we have to give that up.

Sometimes, it takes awhile to get back to “normal.”  Sometimes, we have to learn a “new normal.”  Many times, it is a “wake up call.”  Time to change!

In today’s podcast, I offer 5 ways to be alright — a better alright — when life throws a curve.

Learn how to be alright, so you can be alright, no matter what life throws your way!

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