ThriveologyForgiveness – Thriveology

Give Thanks

Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. — Mon, 21 Nov 2022 18:26:48 +0000

Thanksgiving, the holiday, is often lost in food and family. What is lost? Our opportunity to experience gratitude. The chance to really give thanks.

Many times, it can feel like an obligation. Instead, I suggest we see it as an opportunity. Even in tough moments (actually, especially in tough moments), we can make a shift from fear to thanks, from lack to sufficiency.

Over the years of my podcast, I have repeated this theme, both on Thanksgiving episodes and elsewhere. Below is a list of the various episodes around thanksgiving and gratitude. Just click each one to listen to the episodes.

>> Why Thankful?

>> Why Being Thankful Matters

>> Giving Thanks: Thriving Through Gratitude

>> What Thriving People Know About Gratitude And Appreciation

>> Living Your Engagement

And if you want to find my books on thriving, CLICK HERE.

The Forgive Habit

Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. — Mon, 14 Mar 2022 19:10:54 +0000

A few weeks ago, a coaching client noted her resistance to forgiving for fear that she would be vulnerable to being hurt. I told her that was not at all true. In fact, being alive leaves you open to hurt!

But not forgiving? It offers no protection. It does, however, prolong the pain caused by some person or event.

This client was not the only one who told me about her concern of forgiving. I have heard it over and over through my three decades of counseling and coaching.

Most people have fallen into a habit of hanging on to the hurt, of not forgiving. They have a habit of UN-forgiving.

Let me suggest that, just like any other habit, you can change this habit. You can foster a Forgive Habit. There, you more quickly work toward forgiving the hurts and pains you feel from events and others. And in the process, you find freedom to move forward with a thriving life.

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I discuss The Forgive Habit and how to foster it.

Finding Compassion

Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. — Mon, 21 Feb 2022 21:10:35 +0000

The Thrive Code

Over the past 7 episodes, we have been building our Thrive Code. The code to follow that allows us to thrive, and also the code that runs your system, like computer code. And we are closing in on the finish line!

We bring the series to an end in this episode. The final piece of the Thrive Code is all about how we feel about others. Do we see others as “other” or as connected to us? Do we use compassion or do we objectify?

I have a built in belief that we are born with compassion. Babies and children have a natural compassionate response to others in pain. But many times, people are taught to not have a compassionate response. We are taught beliefs about why others are having problems. Often, those beliefs are based in blame and condemnation.

It is no surprise, then, that we are living in a compassion crisis. Both in terms of compassion for others and self-compassion.

Is there a way back? Yes! And it starts with understanding exactly what compassion is, where it comes from, why we lose it, and how we can cultivate it. Learn more in this episode of the Thriveology Podcast.

Listen below.

Does Gratitude Matter?

Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. — Tue, 23 Nov 2021 15:03:26 +0000

If you are in the States, we are on the cusp of the Holiday season, kicking off with Thanksgiving in just a few days.

For me, the Holidays throughout the year are moments to step into gratitude. Not just in a little “thank you for that gift,” but in a gratitude for being alive. For being here. For experiencing life.

Each morning, while walking the neighborhood with my dogs, Ziggy and Clementine, I reflect on 5 things for which I am grateful. That starts my day with an attempt to shift my attention to thankfulness, to gratitude.

Granted, some days, that feeling quickly evaporates when the work piles up.

But I try to remember to be grateful on a daily basis.

How about you?

Did you know that research shows how simple gratitude habits can re-wire the brain… away from fear and threat? Away from depression and anxiety? Just by thinking with gratitude. Just by focusing on things for which you are grateful.

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I discuss the power of gratitude to shift your thinking and re-wire your brain… just in time for a day we set aside to be particularly Thankful.

Know that I am thankful for you, my reader/listener. Wishing you the best of Thanksgivings!

Broken??

Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. — Mon, 25 Oct 2021 15:23:14 +0000

Have you seen this picture in your FB feed or on Twitter? It crossed my path a number of times.

The first time I saw it, I was immediately uncomfortable. But it took a little time for me to be clear on why.

There is a point to it: just because you apologize doesn’t mean everything is okay.

I like that point.

But I worry about going the other way: if someone hurts you, you are shattered. With that, I disagree.

Not just a little.

A lot.

I firmly believe that we are all built to heal from hurts. I firmly believe that encoded within us is the capacity to not just move forward, but to thrive, even when someone deeply wounds us.

We humans are natural story-tellers. And we all LOVE to tell the “someone done me wrong” stories — thus, 90% of country songs!

And people do, indeed, do us wrong (and we do others wrong).

The problem is not the stories. It is our attachment to those stories. When we begin to define ourselves by the stories of what happened to us, we become that story. It no longer happened TO us, it IS us.

And we get stuck. We become defined by the story, (almost always, A story). Then, we are limited. We stop growing. We stay attached to the story.

In this week’s podcast, I discuss what happens with a story, and why we can’t allow ourselves to be caught by the story.

After the Apology

Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. — Mon, 12 Jul 2021 14:44:56 +0000

You apologize. Now what?

Are you finished? Is it now up to the person to whom you apologized?

Nope. That is only one part of the process.

Understand that apologies, forgiving, reconciliation, and trust are all separate functions. Each is tied to the other, but independent. Forgiving does not require an apology. An apology does not mandate forgiveness. You can apologize or forgive, and still not reconcile. And in the end, it is a choice to trust or not.

So, let’s step back into what you can do, so that you can “clear the air” and move forward. In other words, to make sure you do your part.

I suggest 6 steps to this process, and I cover each one in this episode of the podcast.

Listen below.

How to Forgive Yourself

Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. — Mon, 24 May 2021 10:47:55 +0000

Forgiving is an important skill. When we forgive people for hurts and slights in the past, we get to free ourselves from those events.

(That skill is so important that I wrote a book about the process I created. That book is The Forgive Process.)

But what about forgiving yourself?

Why would you need to do that?

Because we all do thing, say things, fail to do and say things, that we regret. And those regrets can haunt us. They can keep us stuck in the past… in events that are already over.

Sometimes, if another person is involved, they might not even remember what happened or what was said. But you might continue to torture yourself, chastising yourself for what you said/did, didn’t say/didn’t do.

This requires another skill: self-forgiveness.

Not just a way to get yourself off the hook. Not just a way to gloss over what happened. But a way to move forward.

How do you forgive yourself? Listen to this podcast episode to find out!

5 Lessons from 55 Trips Around the Sun

Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. — Mon, 22 Mar 2021 16:54:06 +0000

Another year has passed. I added a year to when I answer, “How old are you?” Well, at least in theory. I am an unreliable narrator for reporting my age. By accident. But on a repeated basis.

That said, as I recorded this episode of the podcast, and write these words, I am celebrating 55 trips around the sun (and I complain I don’t get to travel much!).

I’m not sure about claiming wisdom, but I do claim some lessons from those years. Lessons I keep learning and relearning. Lessons I must remind myself about. But lessons that matter to my life.

While there are quite a few, 5 seemed to be appropriate for 55 years. 5 lessons from 55 years on this earth!

I’d love to hear the lessons you’ve learned! And I’d love to hear any questions or thoughts you might have about thriving. But until then, listen in on the 5 lessons I have learned (and keep learning), and let me know if they are lessons you share.

Listen below.

The Power of Choice

Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. — Tue, 12 Jan 2021 11:00:53 +0000

The world seems to be careening forward these days. It can feel like we are just holding on for dear life.

But are we?

Sure, there are events that we can’t stop or prevent. Weather comes. Accidents happen. Others make choices that impact us….

Wait. Back up there. Did you see that? Others are making choices. And so can we. Not a choice on whether or not something happens. But a choice on how we respond to it.

Each year, I choose a single word to guide my year. This year, the word is Creator. That does tend to be a large portion of my job these days… creating podcasts, writing books and articles, creating online courses. Even coaching is a creative process, working to help others access their power to create. Their power to choose.

This has me reflecting on a daily basis, on exactly how I am going to be creator to my day. What choices do I make that create my day? What choices do I make that allow me to create?

Am I in full control? No. Nobody is. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have choices. The question is not where I don’t have a choice, but where I do… and don’t act.

Let’s find the power of choice in 2021.

Listen in to the podcast below.

The Art of Undoing

Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. — Mon, 07 Dec 2020 11:00:54 +0000

Have you ever arrived at that spot in life…the place you were pushing to be…only to look around and realize it was not what you thought it would be? In fact, it isn’t even what you want?

Maybe that dream job, relationship, or status, really wasn’t the dream, after all. Even if you worked hard to get there. Even if you sacrificed to get there.

Do you stay? Or do you step back and undo?

Market researchers talk about the “sunk cost fallacy.” A “sunk cost” is the amount you have already paid or invested in something, whether time or resources. It is already gone. Already “sunk” (thus the name). The fallacy part is the tendency for people to keep pushing ahead, sticking with something because of the sunk cost. You hold onto a stock because you invested in it…even as the price plummets. Instead of leaving a losing game, you stay in because of what you have already lost.

We do it every day.

My guest in this episode is Erika Gerdes. She dreamed of working at Google. But the thought was intimidating enough that she never applied. But she ended up there, anyway, after answering an anonymous Craigs List ad. And there she stayed for 13 years.

Along the way, though, she discovered that her “dream job” was not fulfilling her dream. So, she finally left…at the height of her career…and became an Authenticity Advocate. She found her voice in helping others find their voice, her calling in helping others discover their calling.

What she discovered is that sometimes, you have to UN-do things to do things you want to do. You have to practice the art of undoing.

We discuss Undoing, Authenticity, Courage, Mission, and more during our conversation. Listen in below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Erika’s Website (with free resources)
MPI Triangle
From Fear to Courage