why should I forgive

The Forgive Habit

March 14, 2022 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

A few weeks ago, a coaching client noted her resistance to forgiving for fear that she would be vulnerable to being hurt. I told her that was not at all true. In fact, being alive leaves you open to hurt!

But not forgiving? It offers no protection. It does, however, prolong the pain caused by some person or event.

This client was not the only one who told me about her concern of forgiving. I have heard it over and over through my three decades of counseling and coaching.

Most people have fallen into a habit of hanging on to the hurt, of not forgiving. They have a habit of UN-forgiving.

Let me suggest that, just like any other habit, you can change this habit. You can foster a Forgive Habit. There, you more quickly work toward forgiving the hurts and pains you feel from events and others. And in the process, you find freedom to move forward with a thriving life.

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I discuss The Forgive Habit and how to foster it.

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Broken??

October 25, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Have you seen this picture in your FB feed or on Twitter? It crossed my path a number of times.

The first time I saw it, I was immediately uncomfortable. But it took a little time for me to be clear on why.

There is a point to it: just because you apologize doesn’t mean everything is okay.

I like that point.

But I worry about going the other way: if someone hurts you, you are shattered. With that, I disagree.

Not just a little.

A lot.

I firmly believe that we are all built to heal from hurts. I firmly believe that encoded within us is the capacity to not just move forward, but to thrive, even when someone deeply wounds us.

We humans are natural story-tellers. And we all LOVE to tell the “someone done me wrong” stories — thus, 90% of country songs!

And people do, indeed, do us wrong (and we do others wrong).

The problem is not the stories. It is our attachment to those stories. When we begin to define ourselves by the stories of what happened to us, we become that story. It no longer happened TO us, it IS us.

And we get stuck. We become defined by the story, (almost always, A story). Then, we are limited. We stop growing. We stay attached to the story.

In this week’s podcast, I discuss what happens with a story, and why we can’t allow ourselves to be caught by the story.

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Find Freedom From Forgiving

April 2, 2018 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Have you ever noticed how many times, we get dragged into the past and the pain, even when those hurtful times are over? Those remnants of the events can keep us stuck, frozen in the hurt and pain.

Unless we forgive.

That’s a big word, I know. One that is packed with meaning… and not always helpful meanings.

In another podcast, I highlight my process for actually forgiving. It is important enough that I have a book coming out on the Forgive Process (actually, the name of the book) in October.

In this episode, we discuss why it is so hard to forgive, why you should do it anyway, and why this is so important as a rule for living. If you struggle with forgiving, please take a listen. It might just change your mind!

RULES OF LIVING SERIES
#1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct
#2 Be Present In The Present
#3 Accept the Past and Revise the Future
#4 Grieve Losses and Celebrate Gains

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