why can’t i be happy

Are Mis-Wants Keeping You Stuck?

October 11, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Chasing mis-wants does not lead to happiness. It does shift you toward misery. Have you ever wanted something… just knowing that if you had it, you would be… happy?

And if you got it, did you find yourself happier? Not just for a few moments or days, but long-term?

Sometimes, the “buyer’s remorse” sets in right after the purchase, with you realizing that no, that shiny new object didn’t make you happier (and may have even become an instant burden), and no, happiness did not suddenly appear.

The term for our wanting those things that don’t actually lead to satisfaction or happiness is “mis-wants.” The wants we have that aren’t as significant as we thought. We literally “miss” when we aim at those “wants.”

And guess what? That is MORE often true than not. Rarely does that thing get us the effect we want and expect.

What DO we want? We think it is happiness.

But it isn’t.

Not really.

Listen to the episode for more on those Mis-Wants.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Chasing Mis-Wants

August 6, 2018 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Chasing mis-wants does not lead to happiness. It does shift you toward misery. Have you ever wanted something… just knowing that if you had it, you would be… happy?

And if you got it, did you find yourself happier? Not just for a few moments or days, but long-term?

And guess what? That is MORE often true than not. Rarely does that thing get us the effect we want and expect.

What DO we want? We think it is happiness.

But it isn’t.

Not really.

Listen to the episode for more on those Mis-Wants.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

People Do The Best They Can

October 3, 2016 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Other than a few people who were being self-critical and a bit harsh with themselves, I have yet to have someone say, “You know, I am just not trying. I am kinda sliding by, not really doing what I think I should.”

Almost everyone (other than those few who were really just sharing their personal self-criticism) tells me how they are doing the best they can. . . and not getting where they want to get to.

Over the years, I have decided that people really do the best they can, given where they are. That is a life precept for me — my way of viewing people. Admittedly, I have times when I have to remind myself of this little belief. Not because I stopped believing, but because I lost my empathy. Then I step back, see it again, and reaffirm that people do the best they can.

To be clear, that does not mean that we are all operating at optimal functioning. Far from it. “Where we are” is what keeps us from operating at a better place. It is just my belief that people are truly doing the best they (we) can, given where they (we) are.

Care to hear more? Listen to my podcast below (and just below are links to the rest of the Immutable Laws of Living Series).

Immutable Laws Of Living Series:
Life Isn’t Fair
Life Has Challenges
Life Isn’t About Happiness
A Thought Is A Thought
Every Perspective Is Limited
Change Is Inevitable

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

It’s Not About Happiness

September 5, 2016 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. 4 Comments

OK, before you kick me to the curb and tell me you want to be happy, hear me out. I don’t want you to be miserable. But I also don’t think life is simply about being happy.

In fact, that assumption is often what leads people to some pretty bad places of addiction, consumption, debt, unhealthy behavior — and unhappiness.

So many times, people have said to me that they are guaranteed happiness in the Declaration of Independence. I first remind them that they are given the “unalienable right” to the “pursuit of happiness.” Not to be happy.

Second, I point out that our founding fathers did not have the same idea of “happy” that we seem to find in popular culture. Their idea was a bit deeper — and tightly tied to the Greek idea of Eudaemonia, a term that was about living a life of virtue a “Good Life.”

Let me say again, I do not think life is about being unhappy or miserable. But I tend to think the more we chase happiness, the more it eludes us. Because life isn’t really about happiness.

Listen below and let me know what you think!

Immutable Laws Of Living Series:
Life Isn’t Fair
Life Has Challenges

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS