why am I stuck

Stuck in Self-Splain

October 27, 2020 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Have you noticed that story you are telling yourself (and others) that is running through your mind? It is the one about why you did (or didn’t do) what you did (or didn’t do). You are trying to explain yourself — to yourself and others.

You are Self-Splaining.

And it is a story. Not necessarily a lie. But also not necessarily the truth.

Humans are story tellers and meaning makers. The stories we tell are to make meaning. It helps the world to make sense, and helps us give reasons for what we did.

And it can keep you stuck.

Your self-splaining keeps you stuck because it “helps” you to make your actions/inactions reasonable (to yourself). Reasonable, as in “Able to Reason.” You can give a reason. One that makes sense to you… even if not to anyone else. You can just keep telling yourself “why” — self-splaining.

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I discuss how we self-splain, why that can get you stuck, and what to do to get un-stuck.

RELATED RESOURCES
Paradigms
Stuck and Unstuck
Reasons
Responsibility
My Books on Thriving

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Is Your Mind Set?

August 31, 2020 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

I’m not an athlete, I told myself. I was the last chosen for teams pretty much every time. And more often than not, admittedly, I dropped the ball or didn’t run fast enough. So I lived up to the low expectations of being a teammate.

That kept me believing that I was not an athlete. And so, I never tried to be athletic.

Years later, when I was recovering from being sick, I decided I needed to get into shape. I was motivated by a scuba class when I realized how out of shape I was. I dragged myself into the weight room, so I wouldn’t embarrass myself in class. I took to the pool for the same reason.

And I slowly got into shape. Which led to a friend asking if I wanted to adventure race. Why not? I might as well, I reasoned. Then, I trained and completed a trail marathon. And ran quite a few 5k’s. Not an athlete, though.

Then, at a conference, someone told me she wanted to write a book, but she “wasn’t a writer.” I asked what she was doing. She wrote every single day. And she had lots of pieces put together for her future book. But, she “wasn’t a writer.”

I noted to her that writers do one thing. They write. She was writing, ergo she was a writer!

Then I went for a run. And thought about that discussion. Runners are athletes. Runners run. I was running. Ergo, I was a runner… and maybe an athlete?

My mindset had tripped me up. I had myself in a fixed mindset. And to get to a better place, I needed to shift to a growth mindset.

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I discuss Dr. Carol Dweck’s concept of growth and fixed mindsets from her book, Mindset. A fixed mindset keeps us stuck. But a growth mindset always gives room for growth and change.

Listen in to discover where your mindset is stuck… and how to shift it to growth.

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What About Forgiving Yourself?

August 27, 2018 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

If you are feeling stuck, consider forgiving yourself. Let’s just assume that you have decided to forgive other people. You do it (maybe even following my 6 step process). Things are going well. You are getting unstuck.

And then… snap! You are pulled back, stuck. Feeling bad.

But this time, feeling bad about yourself — your actions, your words, your inactions, or silence.

You know that voice? The one that starts with “How could you….?” It reminds you of something you said or did… or something you didn’t do or didn’t say (but should have).

“Why did I do that?? (or didn’t)”, you ask yourself. And then, you replay the event all over again in your head… just like you have countless times before.

Sometimes, we find it easier to forgive someone else that to forgive ourselves. We just can’t seem to clear it out, let it go, and release ourselves.

Well, that is the topic of this week’s Thriveology Podcast, just to get you to consider forgiving yourself. This is NOT about ducking responsibility or denying what happened. It is about moving beyond that, to something better.

Listen below.

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The Getting UN-Stuck Series

July 23, 2018 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

BeyondStuck Sometimes, we all get stuck… stuck in situations, stuck in relationships, stuck in life. Just stuck.

And one of the critical skills of thriving is learning how to get UN-stuck. How to get yourself free from those stuck moments and situations.

I focused on getting UN-stuck in a series of podcasts, and wanted to make sure you knew about them.

Here are the links to the series:

GETTING UNSTUCK SERIES:

Intro To Getting Unstuck

How You Get Stuck

You Are Not As Stuck As You Think

Give Up Your Goals & Get Unstuck

Loops

Shift Your Perspective

When Fear Has You Stuck

The KNAC Protocol For Getting Unstuck

4 Steps To Changing Limiting Beliefs

The Wrap-Up

We ALL Have Fears!

October 10, 2016 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Fear is wired into our brain. And there isn’t any way to unwire it!

Which is probably for the best. Sometimes, fear keeps you from doing something foolish. It helps to keep you alive.

But it can also keep you stuck.

In many coaching sessions, I ask, “Why didn’t you do that very important thing you know you need to do in order to have a better life, a thriving life?” (OK, I usually condense that to asking why they didn’t do X, whatever X was.)

And the #1 most common response?

“Because I was afraid!”

Fear does not serve us well when it holds us back.

(Here’s a little secret: we ALL have fears. What you do about them determines whether you are thriving or stuck. Your choice. Listen below for some help.)

Oh, and here are the links to the other episodes in the Immutable Laws of Living Series:

Immutable Laws Of Living Series:
Life Isn’t Fair
Life Has Challenges
Life Isn’t About Happiness
A Thought Is A Thought
Every Perspective Is Limited
Change Is Inevitable
People Do The Best They Can

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Shift Your Perspective

May 23, 2016 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

When we get stuck, we can’t see beyond ourselves. When we can’t see beyond ourselves, we get stuck.

Perspective — or lack of a different perspective — is what keeps us in that stuck space.

The good news is a shift in perspective is always available to you. In fact, there are several shifts you can make, at will, at any time.

Use these shifts to get unstuck. A new perspective gives you a new view. See the forest, not just the tree in front of you. Just beyond that is your UnStuck.

Listen below for how to shift your perspective and get unstuck.

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How You Get Stuck

April 25, 2016 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

We all have those times when we feel stuck. And we tend to get stuck for the same few reasons:

The Past
Limiting Beliefs
Lack of Clarity
Fear

Sometimes, we stay anchored in the past, to the old stories and old scripts — and we don’t even realize it.

Other times, we carry around limiting beliefs about what is even possible. We don’t tap into the possibilities and potentials, but fall into believing our own limited perspective. We believe the self-imposed limits.

And still other times, we just don’t know what to do. We stand at the fork(s) in the road, not sure which to choose. So, we fail to choose.

And many times, fear keeps us stuck. We fear the unknown, fear change, fear failure, and even fear success.