losses

Live Each Day As THE Day

May 7, 2018 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Rules for Living: Forgive and move forward Ancient Stoics and Latin Christians believed that every day we should “memento mori,” we should remember our death. This practice was not to contemplate how you might die, but that you will die. As will I. And everyone else.

Which is what makes life so precious. And which is what gives value and power to the choices we make in how to live this day. Not how we lived yesterday or last year, nor how we plan to live tomorrow or next year. But how we live today. This is THE day you have. The only one.

This moment.

We live our lives, spending our time (our most precious resource) moment-by-moment. Sometimes, time slips away… with us making little progress (or maybe even some regress) toward what we want in life.

This moment.

We move toward our hopes and dreams… we carry out our life purpose… we make an impact in the world in this moment, this day.

It is the only one we have.

In this podcast episode, we talk about living life more fully, more in the moment — today. In this moment.

RULES OF LIVING SERIES
#1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct
#2 Be Present In The Present
#3 Accept the Past and Revise the Future
#4 Grieve Losses and Celebrate Gains
#5 Forgive to Live
#6 Listen to Your Higher Self
#7 Teach Others How to Treat You
#8 Control What You Can; Release The Rest
#9 Do Your Part and Wait for the Moment

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Do Your Part (And Wait For The Moment)

April 30, 2018 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

KnowTheRules Some people feel that they are at the whims of the world, unable to make a difference in their own lives. (They often fall into blame and helplessness.)

Other people believe that they are fully in charge, their lives entirely in their control. (Ironically, they also often fall into blame — self-blame — and frustration.)

The fact is, life is a combination of things that happen and what you do about them — your you respond to the situations life throws your way. Events, good and bad, are unavoidable. Your choice is how you deal with them, how you choose to respond.

And if you are trying to get somewhere… if you have some hope or dream… then the process is to keep moving forward, making your choices and taking action. And at the same time, you wait for the timing to be right.

It is more likely that the timing will be right when you keep taking actions in the direction of what you want. Luck follows action.

Listen to this week’s podcast for how you might use an equation to get to the outcome you want.

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Control What You Can; Release The Rest

April 23, 2018 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Rules123 It was interesting to see how much my client seemed to relish her self-diagnosed “issue” when she smilingly told me, “I’m a bit of a control freak. I just want things my way. Mostly because I know how they should be.”

So, I asked that tough question, “How is that working out for you?”

The smile turned to tears as she told me how much pushback she was getting from people. “They just don’t know better,” she assured me, letting me know that she just needed some better ways of getting people to follow her lead (ummm, demands).

My client was making a common mistake. One that leads to misery — on her part and the part of others around her. She was trying to control things she could not. AND she was failing to control things she could.

The desire to control comes from fear. We fear things won’t go well, won’t work out. So, we innocently try to control things… the wrong things.

There are only a few things we can control. But when we switch from trying to control the things we cannot to the things we can, life opens up! Controlling what we can, it turns out, is enough.

In this week’s Thriveology Podcast, I cover another Rule for Living: Control the Things You Can, and Release the Rest. Listen below.

RULES OF LIVING SERIES
#1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct
#2 Be Present In The Present
#3 Accept the Past and Revise the Future

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Teach Others How To Treat You

April 16, 2018 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

“Why don’t they treat me the way I want to be treated?”, my client asked me.

So, I asked, “Have you taught them how to treat you?”

The silence let me know. But after a pause, my client said, “I guess it never crossed my mind I needed to do that.”

The fact is that people do not know how we want to be treated… unless we are clear about how we are to be treated. Otherwise, we get treated the way THEY want to treat US, and not the reverse.

In the end, that leaves people frustrated, defensive, and feeling mistreated.

Your BOUNDARIES are what lets people know how you want to be treated. They are your “NO’s” of life. Things you will not let people do to(wards) you.

If your boundaries are solid, you are already following this rule. But if you find yourself being treated in ways you don’t want to be, time to start following this rule, “Teach others how to treat you.”

Listen to this week’s Thriveology Podcast for yet another Rule for Living.

RULES OF LIVING SERIES
#1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct
#2 Be Present In The Present
#3 Accept the Past and Revise the Future
#4 Grieve Losses and Celebrate Gains
#5 Forgive to Live
#6 Listen to Your Higher Self

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Listen To Your Higher Self

April 9, 2018 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Have you ever had that moment when you were doing something or saying something, and there was that other voice in your head… the one questioning why? Maybe you already knew you were acting in a way you would not want to, or perhaps you were saying something you knew would be hurtful. But you found yourself doing or saying it anyway….

Your Higher Self was talking. Were you listening?

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, we talk about listening to that Higher Self. It is far more resilient and wise than that other voice, the Ego, that gets our ear (and our actions) lots of times.

But when we make a shift… to that Higher Self… our lives make a shift, too. We make better choices, treat others better (along with ourselves), and work from a place of courage.

This week’s Rule? Listen to your Higher Self. Listen to this episode for more.

RULES OF LIVING SERIES
#1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct
#2 Be Present In The Present
#3 Accept the Past and Revise the Future

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Find Freedom From Forgiving

April 2, 2018 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Have you ever noticed how many times, we get dragged into the past and the pain, even when those hurtful times are over? Those remnants of the events can keep us stuck, frozen in the hurt and pain.

Unless we forgive.

That’s a big word, I know. One that is packed with meaning… and not always helpful meanings.

In another podcast, I highlight my process for actually forgiving. It is important enough that I have a book coming out on the Forgive Process (actually, the name of the book) in October.

In this episode, we discuss why it is so hard to forgive, why you should do it anyway, and why this is so important as a rule for living. If you struggle with forgiving, please take a listen. It might just change your mind!

RULES OF LIVING SERIES
#1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct
#2 Be Present In The Present
#3 Accept the Past and Revise the Future
#4 Grieve Losses and Celebrate Gains

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Grieve Losses and Celebrate Gains

March 26, 2018 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Losses are painful. No way around it. They are also normal. Or to say it differently, loss is a normal part of life. Not an anomalie. Part of being alive.

And loss leads to grief. That is our natural reaction to any loss. Big grief or small grief — that is simply how we process a loss, so that we can re-weave life and continue.

Sometimes, we get caught up in the “unfairness” of a loss, and we get stuck in the grief. In the process, we lose out on life. We fail to celebrate the gains that also are a part of life.

Think of these three stages throughout your life. We have a certain orientation to life — we understand what life is about… until something changes — a loss or a gain. And then, we experience disorientation. The process of grieving and celebrating brings us to a new orientation — a re-orientation. Not the same as before. But not necessarily worse than before. Just different than before.

So, rule #4 is to grieve your losses and celebrate your gains. Listen for details below.

RULES OF LIVING SERIES
#1 Let Fear Point, Not Direct
#2 Be Present In The Present
#3 Accept the Past and Revise the Future

Podcast: Play in new window | Download
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