how to stop worrying

When to Act, How to Accept

December 14, 2020 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

ActOrAccept I always find it helpful to have some “rules” to live by. Short statements that help keep me pointed in the right direction, ready to handle the challenges of life.

And let’s be honest: challenges are an unavoidable part of life. Those who tell you that having struggles, challenges, or illnesses is an indication that you are doing something wrong? They are wrong and misguided. Life is going to challenge each of us… right up until we die. Which every one of us will do.

So the question is how we live our lives. Today. Right now. Regardless of what life is throwing your way.

What we often do, in the face of a challenge: Worry, Complain, Avoid. All three keep us stuck, frozen in place and to the challenge ahead of us.

So, I have decided instead, to adopt the rule of “Act or Accept.” I will either act toward resolution, or I will accept where I am. And the acceptance? It need not be permanent. It is about where I am right now. It may be waiting for a possible action.

Let’s talk about this rule and how to apply it. Listen to the podcast episode below.

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7 Ways to Worry Less

June 29, 2020 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Is worry robbing you of living? Are you putting more energy into worry thoughts than you want to, leaving you less energy for where you want to spend your thoughts (and your life)?

Most people do. Worry is an aimless attempt to locate threats and mitigate them. Why aimless? Because worry can shift from topic to topic, issue to issue, person to person, without action or direction.

In the last Thriveology Podcast episode, I noted 6 truths about worrying. This was to provide a background understanding for taking action. Action to reduce your worry. Which, as promised, is the topic of this episode.

I cover 7 strategies that will help you reduce your worry (and wasted worry energy) and let you make a mental shift to more helpful thoughts.

If you worry, this episode is for you. If you worry that you worry too much, this episode is definitely for you! Tune in to learn how to reduce your worries — and deal with worries as they pop up.

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6 Truths About Worry

June 22, 2020 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

How much do you worry? How often do you find yourself thinking about things that could go wrong? Things that might happen to those you love? Things that might happen to you?

Worry is a common issue for people. And sadly, worry robs us of living. It costs us lots of energy, and exposes us to fears over possible events — not actual events.

When we worry, we focus on the future, what could happen. Which draws us away from what is happening. What is happening in this moment, in actuality.

Unfortunately, for many, worry is a habit. It happens almost automatically. Worry robs people of sleep, of connection, and of presence. Many people struggle to get to sleep, worried about what might happen. Many people connect less, since they are worried about what might happen. And people are less present, since they are focused on what might happen.

There are some truths to worry that we need to understand, if we are going to turn down the “worry dial.” These truths point to why people worry, why it is a waste, and how to begin shifting away from worry.

Listen below. And in the next episode, I will share some strategies for worrying less.

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Act or Accept

January 14, 2019 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

ActOrAccept I always find it helpful to have some “rules” to live by. Short statements that help keep me pointed in the right direction, ready to handle the challenges of life.

So the question is how we live our lives. Today. Right now. Regardless of what life is throwing your way.

What we often do, in the face of a challenge: Worry, Complain, Avoid. All three keep us stuck, frozen in place and to the challenge ahead of us.

Let’s talk about this rule and how to apply it. Listen to the podcast episode below.

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Embracing “We’ll See”

December 3, 2018 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

EmbraceWellSee For me, “We’ll See” was my philosophy of survival when I was sick.

The doctor gave me a diagnosis with a bad prognosis. Lots of ways I could be sick and die. Lots of ways my body could betray me.

Oh, and this was 15 years ago. WebMD was the “go-to” for facts on how we would die from any symptom or condition. So, family and friends let me know all the ways my body could fail me, based on my diagnosis. And shared the facts in excrutiating detail.

I was not in denial. I simply knew that there were many ways things COULD go wrong. But that meant little on how things WOULD go wrong.

It was overwhelming to face the “could’s.” I had only space to deal with the “would’s.”

So, I took to a single response, “We’ll see.” For a bit, the tone and volume would go up. Until the person realized that “We’ll see” was where I was standing.

I find it most helpful to deal with things as they happen, not trying to figure out all the many things that might happen.

This is something I suggest for all of us. So many things we could worry about. Or we could just use the energy to deal with what is. What becomes. What happens.

Embrace “We’ll See.” I discuss it in this episode of the podcast.

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Embracing “I Don’t Know”

November 26, 2018 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

EmbraceIDontKnow How much can any of us really know?

But how often do we still choose to have an opinion on everything? Someone asks about a topic, and we give an opinion. Then, we have to back that opinion up.

According to neuro-science, we look for evidence to support opinion we created, based on emotions. In other words, our opinions often come first – based on emotions – and our reasons come second.

That sounds a bit dangerous around complex issues, doesn’t it?

Not knowing is a great ending point or a great starting point.

Maybe the question is about a topic over which you really don’t care? Knowing about it is simply not that important. “I don’t know” is a great way of admitting you don’t know and don’t care.

Or perhaps it is something over which you care… but which you don’t know right now. “I don’t know” can start the process of learning.

The danger is in trying to know… when you don’t.

I discuss how to embrace “I don’t know” in this podcast episode.

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Worry Less, Live More

January 4, 2016 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

I keep trying to figure out what the opposite word of “worry” is. That would be when you are constantly thinking about all the good things that might happen.

My guess is, there is no such word, because worry is what people do, not the opposite.

In 1883, Andrew Carnegie had a character in a novel say, “I have been surrounded by trouble all my life long, but there is a curious thing about them — nine-tenths of them never happened.”

Isn’t that just the nature of worry? We keep on worrying, even though the things we worry about almost never happen. The things that DO happen are usually surprises. But every now and then, we are right something we worry about happens. And we just use that as proof that we should worry.

We are in the middle of a series on fear, and I hear people lump “worries and fears” together. But worries are just wastes of mental energy. They are useless. Fear, on the other hand, can point you toward the important things. Worry just gets our attention, distracting us from more important things.

You can’t stop the seeds of worry, but you can certainly give them less room to bloom and blossom, the weeds of your thinking that choke out more important things.

Let’s address the 5 steps to weeding out the worries. Listen below.

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From “What If” To “What Is”

April 27, 2015 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

We all can get lost in the Worries and Wishes. We can lose our lives to “What If?”.

In the process, we lose focus on the present moment. Instead, we focus on things that may never be, either worriedly or wishingly.

You see, your mind is excellent at scenarios that may play out in the future. In fact, the scenarios and scenes are probably Oscar-worthy.

When I was sick, years ago, I realized that I could not live in the world of “What If?” It took all of my energy to live in the world of “What Is”.

And it turns out, that was an important life lesson.

During my illness, of which there were some pretty significant (and deadly) consequences, I often said, “Let’s wait and see.” When presented with potential effects of the illness, many told to me by well-meaning friends and family, I had to re-state, “Let’s wait and see.”

At least 95% of the “what if’s” never happened.

Isn’t that true with most of life? Yet, we get caught up in those things down the road. As Julius Caesar said,

As a rule, men worry more about what they can’t see than about what they can.

And yet, those future scenarios do nothing to prepare us for what is coming our way. We just pretend it does. And as Leo Buscaglia reminds us:

Worry never robs tomorrow of sorrow. It only saps today of its joy.

Let’s make a shift. Let’s move from “What If?” Instead, let’s embrace “What Is.” That is enough for the moment.

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