growth podcast

Ego Trips

October 18, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

WhenEgoTrips A couple of episodes back, I discussed some lessons I have learned in my less-than-half a year in jiu jitsu. One of my lessons was about “egoless learning.” Several people asked what I meant by my ego being involved. And what’s wrong with that… the ego?

Well, the ego tends to trip us up, throughout our lives. Why? Because our ego keeps us focused on how we appear, what others think of us, what we look like. And because of that, we try to keep up an image.

And because of that, we trip.

Soon after I learned to scuba dive, I decided I wanted to become an instructor. Partly because I wanted to learn more, partly because I enjoy teaching.

So, after some time of accumulating classes, dive time, and teaching experience, I was ready for my certification process. It was supposed to be a learning event. A place for me to learn more about teaching, got some feedback on how I was teaching, and demonstrated my capacity to teach.

They weren’t looking for me to be the best teacher. I was at the beginning of my teaching.

That said, part of my task was to teach… so they could evaluate me and help me to be better. And to get ready, I had practiced. I created a killer PowerPoint. I had “show and tells.” I just knew they would see what an amazing teacher I was. I would show them!

I finished. They offered feedback. The first piece, “You went 2 minutes longer than your limit.” I was in the middle of a rebuttal, when I realized… I was not learning. I was proving. I was worried about my appearance. My ego was there.

More feedback. More temptation for rebuttal. My ego tripped me up, and I knew it wasn’t the first time. When ego appears, learning disappears.

Listen to this episode to hear how ego trips us up.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Are Mis-Wants Keeping You Stuck?

October 11, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Chasing mis-wants does not lead to happiness. It does shift you toward misery. Have you ever wanted something… just knowing that if you had it, you would be… happy?

And if you got it, did you find yourself happier? Not just for a few moments or days, but long-term?

Sometimes, the “buyer’s remorse” sets in right after the purchase, with you realizing that no, that shiny new object didn’t make you happier (and may have even become an instant burden), and no, happiness did not suddenly appear.

The term for our wanting those things that don’t actually lead to satisfaction or happiness is “mis-wants.” The wants we have that aren’t as significant as we thought. We literally “miss” when we aim at those “wants.”

And guess what? That is MORE often true than not. Rarely does that thing get us the effect we want and expect.

What DO we want? We think it is happiness.

But it isn’t.

Not really.

Listen to the episode for more on those Mis-Wants.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Finding Self-Confidence

October 4, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

HowToBuildSelfConfidence We all want confidence — SELF-confidence. We want to be confident before we act. In other words, I want to feel confident of myself before I move toward something.

Or maybe that’s just me! 🙂

But I think that comes at it from the wrong direction. FEAR seems to be between us and action. Mostly because of the order we have for action:

Confidence ==> Action ==> Success.

But instead, we have:

FEAR ==> Wait for Confidence ==> Keep Waiting

If you understandt the real flow, then you can step aside and let fear pass you by, letting you take action AND gain confidence.

Listen to this episode of the Thriveology Podcast to learn more.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Getting Un-Stuck
Fear Is A Given
New Book: Immutable Laws Of Living

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

How Fear Keeps You Stuck

September 27, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

3WaysFearKeepsYouStuck It seems to be a specialty of mine… getting people UN-stuck. Which means I spend a fair amount of time noting what gets people stuck in the first place. Makes sense, right? If you want to get un-stuck, you need to know why you got stuck.

There are some clear reasons why people get stuck. For example, when you violate one of the 16 Immutable Laws Of Living I highlight in my latest book, you will end up stuck. Guaranteed. Which is why I try to spell them out for you, so you can get unstuck.

One area that consistently gets people stuck is fear. And the way to get un-stuck is not to eliminate fear. Mostly because it is impossible to eliminate fear. It is wired into your brain. Just part of being alive.

But, and this is the good news, you only have to do a little pivot in order to let fear help you.

Before I go into how you can pivot, though, I clarify three primary ways that fear can get you stuck (and keep you stuck). Listen to learn the three ways, and the one necessary pivot.

RELATED RESOURCES:
The Immutable Laws of Living Book
Getting Un-Stuck
Free of Fear Series

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Change in the Shadow of Terror

September 6, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Sometimes, success comes from being at the right place at the right time. Sometimes, tragedy comes from being at the wrong place at the wrong time. But what happens when you are at the right place at the wrong time?

For Kushal Choksi, it saved his life. It was September 11, 2001. Kushal was running late, and rushing to get to a meeting in the World Trade Towers. He was racing through the mezzanine when a horrific impact jarred him and threw the world into chaos. What had happened? What should they do?

Some people were frozen in place. Others were fleeing the building. Still others were simply trying to get back to their day, oblivious to the danger that was mounting. Choksi headed for the door, but was met by a security guard who was imploring people to return to the building. Given the debris raining down, that made some sense.

But before he could turn, another voice and a strong hand on his shoulder said, “No, get out!” Kushal did. That decision saved his life.

And that day completely reordered Choksi’s life. He was lost for some time after. What seemed like the recipe for success was floundering. It was not just about being wealthy and powerful. Somehow, the “American Dream” no longer seemed the goal.

What then?

After much seeking, Kushal found his way forward with new tools for dealing with his anxiety and fears. And that led him to another path of success.

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, as we approach the 20th anniversary of that horrific attack, I had a chance to sit down with Kushal and talk about meaning, purpose, breath, and mindfulness.

Listen below.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Dealing with Criticism

August 30, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

I don’t know anyone who really likes criticism. Well, at least receiving criticism. I do know some people who seem to relish dishing out criticism! You probably know some, too.

But criticism can be important feedback. And feedback can help us to make changes in ourselves and our habits. They can help us change harmful or unhelpful parts of our lives into more productive and healthy parts.

Which means we have a problem. We don’t like getting criticized. But that criticism might just hold some important information for transformation.

One of the coaches on my staff once remarked on some rather critical feedback from a client, that she had received some “free coaching.” It took a few moments to get away from a defensive reaction and toward a helpful reaction. But my coach made the shift.

First, let me be clear that not all feedback is helpful feedback. Not all feedback needs your attention.

Which raises the question: how do you sift through that feedback to decide what to discard and what to keep? How do you isolate the treasures amidst the trash? These days, there is a lot of trash to sift.

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I explore a framework from feedback coach, Shanita Williams. Her sifting strategy can help you find the useful and release the useless feedback.

Listen below.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Responsibility vs. Blame

August 2, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Responsibility in a culture of blame. Blame is rampant in today’s world. We all quickly point the finger at someone/something else, proclaiming, “It’s not my fault!”

Interestingly, I also notice how rampant it is for people to take the credit for successes.

They/we claim credit for what goes right but refuse blame for anything that goes wrong.

We live in a “culture of blame.”

Which is what often keeps us from growing. From changing. From learning from our mistakes. If someone/something else is to blame, what could I (or you) do? Not my fault… not my problem.

Change requires us to change the equation. To take responsibility, when we are responsibible. To share credit when others deserve credit.

Great leadership is about accepting ultimate responsibility for mistakes and problems, while giving credit for successes.

So, how do we turn the equation around? I discuss it in this week’s Thriveology Podcast.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

After the Apology

July 12, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

BeyondApology You apologize. Now what?

Are you finished? Is it now up to the person to whom you apologized?

Nope. That is only one part of the process.

Understand that apologies, forgiving, reconciliation, and trust are all separate functions. Each is tied to the other, but independent. Forgiving does not require an apology. An apology does not mandate forgiveness. You can apologize or forgive, and still not reconcile. And in the end, it is a choice to trust or not.

So, let’s step back into what you can do, so that you can “clear the air” and move forward. In other words, to make sure you do your part.

I suggest 6 steps to this process, and I cover each one in this episode of the podcast.

Listen below.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

The 4 “Can’ts”

May 17, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

“You can’t. . . .” “I can’t. . . .” That pretty much ends the conversation.

Which is unfortunate. History is littered with people doing the very things someone else said, “You can’t do that.” Turns out, you can.

And many times, we do the same things to ourselves. We start tell ourselves, “I can’t,” and then believe it. We know we can’t do it. We just told ourselves we can’t.

In reality, there are 4 types of “I can’ts.” One is absolutely true. The three others are not true. They are about capability, timing, and. . . well, that last one is important enough that I cover it in this week’s podcast.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Learning and Life
Be an Experiment
Show Up
Prior Podcast on Can’t

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Do You Believe Your Thoughts?

May 10, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

DontBelieveThink Those thoughts, they get us into trouble, don’t they?

We keep looking for that thing that will make us happy. We think we know. We think that thing, that person, that place, that paycheck, position, etc., etc., will finally do it.

Until we get it, get there, have that relationship, or whatever… only to find that it didn’t quite work.

Oh, sure, we might be happy for a brief time. But not the way we thought. That “shiny new object” just didn’t do it. And back to the drawing board we go.

Mostly because we keep thinking that that thing “out there” is going to do it.

Notice that “happy” and “happen” share a root. Something out there needs to happen in order for us to be happy.

Which is not the path to happiness. No matter what your thoughts are telling you.

In this podcast episode, I discuss why our thoughts trick us, and what to do instead.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Thoughts are Thoughts
Meaning
Making An Impact
Happiness?

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

«Previous Page