grief

Departure Conversations

June 21, 2021 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

So far, life has a 100% mortality rate. We are not getting out of this alive! You and I, and everyone we know, will face the inevitable moment of losing loved ones, and facing our own death.

And yet, we live in a culture that would rather NOT look at this reality. Would rather NOT pay attention to this fact. Would rather NOT think about those end-of-life issues… at least until we are forced to.

Over more than the past year, there has been a daily toll of death and loss. It has been in our face in an inescapable way for many long months.

But I wonder if this has changed the conversations in any important ways about our own (and our loved one’s) death and dying.

Willy Donaldson realized that he had to have some tough conversations with his parents. In spite of his own resistance, and that of his parents, Willy had those conversations, to find out what wishes his parents had about that inescapable time. It was not just a conversation about the details, but the reasons behind their wishes. What Willy wanted was to make sure his parents’ wishes were known and understood, not just by the family, but by his parents.

It turned out that those uncomfortable conversations were a gift. They were moments of understanding and connection.

Those conversations were also a comfort for everyone. So that that last human moment was understood and out in the open.

This topic became so important that Willy, a business professor, started sharing his story. That led to a book about those important conversations. And it led to our interview about those important conversations. Listen in on this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, as Willy and I discuss those end-of-life conversations and why they are so important.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Life After Loss

October 14, 2019 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Long ago, way back in one of my college classes on death and dying, the professor told us that our death rituals — the funeral, visitation, etc. — were our ways of “reweaving the cloth of our community” after a loss.

Grief has a process. It is our internal response to loss, that is about how we move through and beyond that loss.

Yet in our culture, we tend to have an impatience with grief and the grieving. With the best of intentions, we sometimes push people to move through their grief. And we push ourselves to move through our grief.

We want those grieving to find happiness again. And as we grieve, we want to stop hurting.

Which often only serves to disrupt grief, prolonging or curtailing the healing that needs to come after a loss. In our attempts to “speed it along,” we slow it down or cut it off.

My guest on this episode, Sarah Nannen, knows this first-hand. With 4 young children, Sarah was widowed when her active-duty husband died in a training accident.

In the aftermath, Sarah had to follow her own instincts to find space for her grief… and then she found herself once again among the living.

Since then, Sarah has been helping others do the same. She wrote a book, Grief Unvealed, and helps others to find empowerment as they process their own grief.

Who is this episode for? If you are alive… you! Because every single one of us will be (or have been) confronted by loss. Every single one of us will (or has) pass through grief.

Listen below.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Emotional Potty-Training

April 15, 2019 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Rachel Kaplan - Emotional Potty-Trainier How are you with your emotions?

This isn’t a question on whether you are “in touch with your emotions” or not. It is how you process the emotions.

Some people have, well, “emotional diahrrea.” Emotions just dump wherever and whenever.

Others have “emotional constipation.” They just can’t get them out. Emotions get stuck, lodged in hurtful and painful ways.

Maybe we all need a little “emotional potty training.”

When Rachel Kaplan was 14 years old, her boyfriend killed himself, leaving Rachel emotionally wounded. She blamed herself and tried to make sense of such a tragedy at such a young age. The emotional wound stayed with her for years.

And it led Rachel on a quest of healing. First, she wanted to find her own healing. But over the years, she began to use her new knowledge and skills to bring healing to others. Trained in Western and Eastern healing approaches, Rachel began to see her work as “emotional potty training.”

She helps people who have buried their emotions deep in a “basement of shame,” which means the emotions cannot process through. Her task is to help people to find their Authentic Self, to heal their core wounds, and discover their worth.

Listen in as Rachel and I discuss Emotional Potty Training.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Healing From Heartbreak

April 1, 2019 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Nada Hogan, healing from heartbreak Life can turn in an instant: a phone call, a letter, a knock on the door. Everything you thought you knew, everything that was “normal” is pulled apart and thrown upside-down.

In that heart-stopping moment, you know life will never be the same. And sometimes, it can feel like life isn’t just changed… but over.

For Nada Hogan, that knock on the door was a pair of police officers. While Nada was trying to figure out what was going on, she noticed that one officer’s badge said “Chaplain.”

Nada’s 18 year old daughter had been killed in an accident.

Her already-stressed life was thrown into a tailspin. Some days, she could barely pull herself out of bed.

Then, she decided to make a change. To honor her daughter, Darah, in living a life of purpose.

One little step at a time, Nada pulled her life back together. She found a connection to something bigger than herself… and eventually, to a purpose bigger than her grief.

Now, Nada helps others move through their heartbreaks to find healing. She starts at the place where you might not even want to get out of bed. She knows that spot! She’s been there.

Join Nada and me as we discuss how to heal after heartbreak.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Does Everything Happen For A Reason?

February 27, 2017 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. 1 Comment

In recent days, I have been with people in the middle of horrific losses. Inevitably, someone steps up and in an attempt to comfort, says, “Everything happens for a reason.”

That comment is rarely comforting in the painful moments.

But deeper than that, is it even true?

Many people default to this as a reaction to something that happens and is outside of our capacity to understand.

Sometimes, we want to think that there is something behind it — not just some random event. But what does that phrase mean? Does it mean that some force is trying to teach some lesson?

For many people, the answer is yes.

But does that make it so?

Does everything happen for a reason?

Let’s chat. . .

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Dealing With Endings and Beginnings

May 11, 2015 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

Life is filled with endings. And beginnings. There is no avoiding the endings. And there is always another beginning.

Some endings are by choice: you decide to leave a job or move to a new town. Some endings give you no choice: someone dies or there is an illness. Others are just what happens by stages: children come along and children depart for their own lives.

Every new opportunity, every new beginning, only comes along because something ended. And whether the ending is by choice or by circumstance, our challenge is to accept, adapt, and move forward.

In this podcast episode, I discuss four ways to move through the ending and four ways to move into the new beginning.

Life is all about change, whether we fight it or embrace it. Change comes. Learn how to end and begin in healthy and helpful ways.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Moving Through Grief: #34 Thriveology Podcast

September 8, 2014 by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. 2 Comments

We don’t like to face loss and grief in our culture. Yet loss is inevitable.

Unfortunately, since most people don’t want to face grief, we don’t always have the tools we need to deal with that inevitable moment of loss and pain.

In this podcast, I take a look at grief. I name the 3 types of grief:

Clean
Confusing
Complicated.

We can feel that pain of grief when we lose:

Person
Potential
Process
Possibility

But there is a way to move through grief. I outline the process in the podcast as:

Remember
Resolve
Re-Create
Re-Weave

If you find yourself in the midst of grief, I hope you find this podcast helpful in your process. Grief is a universal emotion, yet feels so personal.

Please listen and let me know what you think in the comments area below.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS