Have you seen this picture in your FB feed or on Twitter? It crossed my path a number of times.
The first time I saw it, I was immediately uncomfortable. But it took a little time for me to be clear on why.
There is a point to it: just because you apologize doesn’t mean everything is okay.
I like that point.
But I worry about going the other way: if someone hurts you, you are shattered. With that, I disagree.
Not just a little.
I firmly believe that we are all built to heal from hurts. I firmly believe that encoded within us is the capacity to not just move forward, but to thrive, even when someone deeply wounds us.
We humans are natural story-tellers. And we all LOVE to tell the “someone done me wrong” stories — thus, 90% of country songs!
And people do, indeed, do us wrong (and we do others wrong).
The problem is not the stories. It is our attachment to those stories. When we begin to define ourselves by the stories of what happened to us, we become that story. It no longer happened TO us, it IS us.
And we get stuck. We become defined by the story, (almost always, A story). Then, we are limited. We stop growing. We stay attached to the story.
In this week’s podcast, I discuss what happens with a story, and why we can’t allow ourselves to be caught by the story.
How to Forgive
Book: The Forgive Process
Book: The Immutable Laws of Living
Podcast: Play in new window | Download