How to Live a Meaningful Life

Just a little rant here:  philosophy classes turn off many college students for a simple reason — they never get around to saying how philosophy can shake your living.  Some classes might teach more on “how to think philosophically,” or “here are the old philosophers.”  Some may speak to ethics or arguments, logic or some other esoteric area.  But how to live, day-to-day?  That is often lost to the student.

(By they way, I would offer this as an issue with much of theology, too.  Lots of talk about what not to do, what God (or gods) might be like, and how to judge how others live… but not so much clarity on living day-to-day.  But that is a rant for another day!)

Anyway, philosophy, as originally taught in ancient days, was exactly for deciding how to live.  How should you act, feel, and think?  As different schools of philosophy might point out, that all depends upon your basic ideas of what a meaningful life might be.

Sometimes, we are already acting in ways that point to our idea of meaning, even without a philosophical basis.  I think of this as our “natural philosophy” — how we have made sense of the world.

After my first book, many people asked if I was a Stoic.  At that time, I had only a passing concept of that philosophy.  Just one of those old schools of philosophy from a bygone age.  But after hearing it a number of times, I started investigating.  Sure enough, much of my approach to living day-to-day was Stoic.  Huh.Vitali Katsenelson, author of Soul In The Game

Then, I started finding others that had this same experience.  One of those is Vitaliy Katsenelson.  He is the CEO of an investment company.  But his story goes back to his family’s immigration to the United States, from Russia, when Vitaliy was a child.  He was old enough to still remember those memories of a dying USSR (and to hold onto a bit of an accent), but young enough to find his way through American culture.

After writing several books on investing (including the psychology of investing), Vitaliy took to talking about life.  Not just professional life.  But other areas of life.  Art, music, chess, and family life were grist for the mill of exploring meaning.

This led to Vitaliy’s latest book, Soul In The Game.  While in the process of writing, Vitaliy stumbled upon Stoic thought and found a new home there.  He incorporates that into this book, to further his exploration into the meaningful life (a slightly different question than the meaning of life).

I had a chance to sit down and chat with Vitaliy about a wide range of issues and topics, all related to how life becomes meaningful, and how to find that meaning.  Listen to this episode of the Thriveology Podcast to find out more.

RELATED RESOURCES
Vitaliy’s Website
Vitaliy’s Podcast
Find His Book Here
My Book on Thriving

Clean and Dirty Pain

CleanDirtyPainAnyone who tells you that you can go through life without getting hurt and feeling pain is either lying or hiding.

Life is rough-and-tumble.  Pain is unavoidable.

But there is a type of pain that we can leave behind.  That is more a result of our own thinking than anything external, any injury either physical or emotional.

Call it “Dirty Pain.”  Which is distinguished from “Clean Pain.”  Clean pain, that is the initial hurt.  When you hit your foot, it hurts.  That is the bodily response to the injury.  When someone says something to you that is mean and spiteful, your feelings are hurt.  That is the emotional pain.  It is initial.

But what if you chastise yourself about your being “clutsy,” or about your “stupid action” that led to that foot injury?  Or what if you made that hurtful comment about you, and not about the person who said it?  What if you kept dwelling about it?

Let me be clear:  it is fine to ask how you might prevent an injury in the future.  It is fine to listen to feedback from others, that might give you some insight into things you need to change.

It’s the next step after that.  When you keep berating yourself.  It’s when you take the next step… you attach to the pain.  Buddhism refers to that as suffering.  You and I can think of it as “Dirty Pain” (a term coined by ACT – a mode of therapy).  It is dirtied by our own mental state — not the cause of the pain.

What do you do about that?  We discuss it in this week’s Thriveology Podcast.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Life Is Tough
Letting Go
What You Can Control
The Forgive Process Book

Journaling for a Change

Do you journal?  It is a great tool for reflecting on life, processing events and emotions, and finding new perspectives.

Some people think journaling is just “adult diary-ing.”  And for some, a journal really is just a place to put down the events of the day (really, that is your perceptions of the events of the day).  It is just a way to record what happened and move forward.

Then, others use their journal to look for themes and insights.  Deeper than just a running commentary of life, journaling becomes an activity of insight and perspective.

But what happens when you want to journal, but find yourself facing an empty page… not even sure what to write?  What if you actually do write something?  How do you shift to a point of reflection and perspective?

Those two questions stop lots of people who want to journal from ever committing to the process.  Or from actually learning from the process.

What if there was a tool that solved both of those dilemmas?

Kim AdesEnter my colleague, Kim Ades.  Her coaching services use a journaling process to connect coach and client.  But Kim knew the tool she built for that journaling had the potential to help others in their journaling… without the coaching component.

In this episode of Thriveology Podcast, Kim and I discuss the power of journaling, along with how you can try her journaling tool for free… to see the transformational power of journaling.

Listen below to learn more.

RELATED RESOURCES
Kim’s Journaling Tool
Interview About Kim’s Coaching Process
Stuck in Your Story

What Thriving People Know About Accepting What Is

Thrivers Accept What Is.Things happen, and we wish they hadn’t.  Then, we fight against what we think might happen.  And we even fight against where we are right now.

The struggle does nothing to change what is.  In fact, the more we struggle, the less we are able to respond.

The less we are able to respond, the more stagnant we become.

But thriving people know to accept what is.  It becomes the starting point for growth and change.  It becomes the foundation of thriving.

[tweetthis]Acceptance is not giving up. It is the starting point of getting up. – Lee Baucom[/tweetthis]

Listen below for why thrivers accept what is, and how we all can thrive more!

What Thriving People Know About Thoughts

Thriving people do things differently.  But like success, thriving leaves a trail.  If you want to thrive more, look at what thriving people are doing, and follow their lead!

So, I have isolated 15 things that thriving people do differently.  And each week, we will be examining one of these traits.  Ready to thrive more?

Remember, thriving is not binary:  you are not either thriving or stagnant.  The question is can you thrive more?  Can you move toward a more thriving life, and away from stagnation?

Thriving is not about money, success, good looks, or even being happy all of the time.  It is about growing toward a greater, more fulfilling life.  It is growing into the person you were meant to be.

So, let’s get started.

A thought is a thought.First up, thrivers understand thoughts for what they are:  thoughts.

Listen below to discover what this means, and why it is so important in your life.

A Life of Regret or A Life Reset?: #24 Thriveology Podcast

A life of regret or a life reset.Regret.  It keeps us locked in the past.  Yet we all struggle to let it go.  Why?

If I had a friend that told me what I tell myself about my past short-fallings, mistakes, and missed opportunities, I would send them away.  I would never speak to them again.

So why do we listen to that voice that keeps reminding us of the past?  Why do we stay trapped by what has happened and can’t be changed?

Or perhaps more importantly, what can we do to make a shift?  How can we go from a life of regret to a life reset?

In this podcast, I explore 5 steps to leave regret behind and make a life reset.

Join me, won’t you?

Are We Allergic To Struggle?: #22 Thriveology Podcast

Are we allergic to struggle?  Or do we just misunderstand what struggle means?

Do you find yourself avoiding or embracing struggle?

Perhaps a shift in mindset will give you a shift in life.  Living a life of impact cannot happen — thriving cannot happen — when we avoid struggles.

Instead of embracing struggle, discover how to embrace a challenge in this week’s podcast.

Fear Series, Part 1: Authentic versus Existential Fear — Thriveology Podcast

dealing with fear and thrivingFear:  it is not just a figment of our imaginations.  Sometimes, we need to be afraid.

But the need to be afraid, the reaction to a very real threat, is much less common than when our irrational, existential fears kick in.  When that happens, we live small.

In today’s podcast, we take a look at what happens when fear rules our day.  We look at the roots of the conflict.  Are we predator?  Are we prey?  Because we are both, we are left with some remnants of fear avoidance.

That little voice whispering for you to play small, to not take action, to not pursue a life you crave?  That is fear talking.  Fear is pretending to be your friend.  But your fear is betraying you and keeping you stuck.

Learn how to identify the fear for what it is and take action to limit fear in your life.

Let me know what you think in the comments area below!

Giving Thanks: Thriving Through Gratitude (Thriveology Podcast #4)

givethanksgratitudeIn the United States, we are in the midst of avoiding the crush of commerce for just a few moments of giving thanks.

Perhaps we gloss too quickly over this opportunity on our sprint to the Holidays. We miss the opportunity that gratitude brings in transforming our lives.

I remember the blessing before our Thanksgiving meal, where we were in a circle and said a word about something for which we were thankful.  I often felt put-on-the-spot, saying something quickly to move onto the meal.

Partly, that for which I was most thankful was too private.  Partly, I missed how important gratitude could be.  Now I know.

Gratitude can create powerful shifts in our lives.  In can transform our lives, if we tend to it.

In this podcast, I discuss how you can bring a thankful attitude into your life, tell you about some research that demonstrates why you should do this, and even tell you a story about how someone was transformed in the process of being grateful.

Please listen and let me know what you think!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Rule 4: Fear Is A Fact Of Life

Fear is a fact of life.  We may as well get used to it.

I say that because we all spend an inordinate amount of energy avoiding fear.  For what?  We still feel it.  In fact, very often when we avoid fear, we really only grow that fear.

Let me be clear:  I am not talking about the fears that keep us alive (our survival instincts), but about the fears that rule our lives.  Someone gets anxious around others, so he or she stays away from people.  Someone fears speaking in front of others, so she or he turns down a great job to avoid that.  Someone fears a broken heart, so he or she avoids getting close to someone.

Fear pretends to be our friend.  It whispers in our ear that it is only protecting us, but fear restricts us.  It keeps us from living a full life.

Unless we learn to accept it and move on.  As Susan Jeffers says, “feel the fear and do it anyway.”  What powerful, and counterintuitive, advice!

This rule fits into the previous rules about thoughts because fear is tied into our thinking.  We use our thoughts to stay caught in our fears.  In this way, we misuse our thought capacity.

Just for a moment, let’s think about fear.  Remember the old “fight or flight response” from Biology 101?

Imagine yourself living millenia ago. The world was far less safe to you than it is now. Replace our city streets with small paths running through the jungles or forests. Imagine miles and miles between safety. Imagine not being at the top of the food chain (that’s a big one!). You are, literally, at the mercy of the elements! In some ways, it is amazing that our genes are even still around.

Through the process of natural selection, those capable of getting away, steering clear of danger (in other words, quick to feel danger and fear) survived to pass on their genes. Those more reckless or those unable to detect a threat no longer have genes to pass on. Those genes became extinct.

Now, in evolutionary terms, it has only been a blink-of-an-eye since then. While we have used our intellect to tame the wild, pushed back nature and its threat to the edge of town, we still live with those genes that were selected way back! In other words, we are wired to have a fear response.

Not only are we wired to have that response, it is a response that happens automatically. Remember that class when you heard how animals have a fight-or-flight response? That response is also a part of our make-up. Not only is it a part of our make-up, it still happens as automatically as it does for that animal.

For survival’s sake, our bodies do not need for our minds to take the time to consider a risk analysis. It needs for our minds to go on automatic while our bodies get out of the way. Imagine again, being alive millenia ago. Imagine walking down that path we mentioned. Imagine seeing a shadow move across the path. Our body does not need for us to have this thought: “Hmmm, I wonder if that was a saber-tooth tiger? Or maybe it was just my imagination? Perhaps a bird flying by?” By this time, if it were a saber-tooth tiger, our questions would have ceased, and a very satisfied tiger would remain.

And if we determined that it was, indeed a tiger in time, our mind does not need for us to ask the question: “should I run away? Or perhaps I should climb that tree? Or maybe I can scare the tiger away?” Our body needs us not to think, but to act. And in order for it to act, our body goes on automatic. It responds in ways that are almost impossible (notice the “almost” part) to control.

We see the shadow, and our pulse quickens, our breathing becomes more rapid. Our stomach tenses, and our palms become sweaty. Perhaps we even feel our feet take on a life of their own: they want us to run, move, get clear of the danger!

Our brain and body need for this to happen nearly instantaneously. That is what is necessary to survive. So we perceive a threat, and we respond.

Now, fast-forward those millenia. There are no saber-tooth tigers. Rarely do we find ourselves below the top position on the food chain. And our threats have become much more difficult to ascertain. Who is the enemy? Is it that person around the corner? Is it the boss? Is it our spouse? We still feel that immediate and automatic response to a sense of threat, even if that threat turns out to be nothing more than someone who had a bad day, someone who is not a threat but a grouch!

We have this automated system that scans for threats.  That is true for all crawling, flying, swimming and walking creatures.  There is only one difference for humans:  we add our thoughts into the process.  We feel some natural anxiety, but decide there is a threat.  Then we move into fear mode.

Think about two events for a moment.  Recall something that made you excited, gave you an adrenaline rush that you would seek out.  Now recall something that scared you, made your stomach do flip-flops and that you would avoid.

Got it in your mind?  For your body, there is no difference between those two reactions.  Your body is doing the exact same thing in either case.  The same chemicals are being released.  Your muscles are responding in the exact same way (including your heart)!  The difference between those two events?  Only the thoughts you attribute to each item.

And the same event may be interpreted in opposite ways by different people.  For example, I SCUBA dive.  I love it.  I find the experience to be exhilirating and freeing.  My wife does not care for the water.  The thought of being 80 feet below the surface is more frightening than exciting.

The task is to work through whether the fear is really protecting us, or if we are adding our thoughts in.  In other words, it is once again about becoming aware of our thoughts.  Once we are aware of the thoughts, we can choose to act in spite of feeling fear.  The presence of the fear is non-negotiable.