Does Everything Happen for a Reason?

Does everything happen for a reason?In recent days, I have been with people in the middle of horrific losses.  Inevitably, someone steps up  and in an attempt to comfort, says, “Everything happens for a reason.”

That comment is rarely comforting in the painful moments.

But deeper than that, is it even true?

Many people default to this as a reaction to something that happens and is outside of our capacity to understand.

Sometimes, we want to think that there is something behind it — not just some random event.  But what does that phrase mean?  Does it mean that some force is trying to teach some lesson?

For many people, the answer is yes.

But does that make it so?

Does everything happen for a reason? Given all that is going on these days, this question seems particularly important.

Let’s chat. . .

RELATED RESOURCES:
Moving Through Grief
Living The Big Stuff with Kristine Carlson

Look Up!

Look up!World got you down?  Maybe even looking down?  It can feel overwhelming, like you just need to keep plodding ahead, keeping your head down.

But often, that is just the time we need to look up.

To the sky.

Physically and metaphorically.

When I am feeling a bit overwhelmed and flustered, when it seems there is just too much going on, too much to get done… I take a step back and look up.

And then I have a little more perspective.  Little ol’ me in this big ol’ universe.  In a world with lots more troubles than I have.  Not that mine aren’t important.  They just aren’t as grand as I can make them feel.

And metaphorically, I look up.  To a higher perspective.  My higher Self.  I remember that it really isn’t all about me, but how I bring myself into the world.

It also reminds me to be grateful.  To be grateful for being in this moment, in this space.  Who I am, with what I have, where I am.  And to see that as “enough.”  It is too easy to let the “not enough’s” call out to me, call me down, scare me.

But then, I look up.  To pivot me out of my little thoughts and into bigger thoughts.  From a higher perspective. From a place of connection.  From awe.

Look up.

I discuss this more in this week’s Thriveology Podcast.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Meaning/Purpose Triad
Finding Your Meaning
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Dealing With Stress
Everyday Spirituality
Book:  Thrive Principles

 

Fear Life or Fierce Life?

Live the fierce life! Not the fear life.I used to wish for a fearless life.  You know, that place where you no longer have fears.  Only confidence and drive.

Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t want to live a life of fear, held back by fears and concerns.

I just no longer believe that a “fearless” life is possible.  Fear is too important and too deeply embedded in us.

In fact, I want to have some fear around.  Something needs to make me pause and say, “Is this safe?  Should I be doing this?”

And more importantly, for a full life, I need fear to point out the important areas and important directions.  As I have stated in other trainings and podcasts, fear is NOT an “Avoidance Indicator.”  It is an “Importance Indicator.”  Fear serves to point out when something is important.  It may be of safety importance, or it could be of epic importance.

If the goal is not “fearless living,” then what is the goal?

Fierce Living.

Living fiercely.  Focused, clear, intentional, and courageous.

How do you make the shift?  Listen in to this week’s training.

And then, live fiercely!

PREVIOUS PODCASTS IN THE FEAR SERIES
The Other Side Of Fear
3 Myths of Fear
4 Steps to Taming Your Fear
Worry Less, Live More
2 Magic Questions To Live Beyond Fear

Why Chasing Happiness Chases Happiness Away

Chasing happiness chases happiness away.Have you noticed all the books, articles, and stories about increasing your happiness?

Sounds great, doesn’t it?

I am certainly not opposed to happiness.  I just think that chasing after happiness only chases happiness away.

Oh, sure, we may feel a few fleeting moments of happiness.  Just enough to lure us into the next book or article.

But it doesn’t stay.

Happiness is elusive.  At least when you chase after it.

It arrives, though, when you allow it to be the after-effect or side-effect of something else — something that will transform your life, and transform the world.

Seek a life of impact.  Go for discovering your purpose.  Find your meaning.  Happiness will show up.

Learn why in this week’s Thriveology podcast.

Finding Your Hero Within: #39 Thriveology Podcast

Tony Edgell PicDo you believe there is something heroic within you?  Is there a place of bravery within you, calling you to a higher purpose and a place of meaning?

My guest today is speaker and auther, Tony Edgell.  Tony is a self-described “former bully.”  Tony told me he was a bully in school — an extension of the treatment he received himself at home.

Then, Tony graduated to bar fights.  Still, Tony was responding to the hurt from his past.  Tony was still caught by the hurt in his own life, completely disconnected from his heart.

One day, Tony says he took a long look “at the man in the mirror,” and realized he needed to change.  Tony stopped believing the world required him to respond in angry ways.  Tony found he no longer had to defend himself from threats that were never there.

It was then that Tony came to understand Gandhi’s famous quote,

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

The Hero Inside You coverSoon, Tony was discovering a new path for himself.  Tony found himself called to help the rest of the world move from injury and hurt to growth and bravery.

According to Tony, this is the path of discovering your internal hero, the hero within.

Join me as Tony and I discuss the hurts of life and how they leave us limping, and how we often work from our place of hurt.  But more importantly, Tony and I discuss how to work from your place of “heart.”

Discover your hero within, find your purpose and power, and become the person you were meant to be!

Visit Tony Edgell at his website and grab his free video.

Find his book, The Hero Inside You at Amazon.

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Your Uncomfortable “Comfort Zone”: #20 Thriveology Podcast

Our uncomfortable comfort zone.Last week, we began a new series on making an impact in the world.  I revealed my belief that we are built to make an impact.  I firmly believe that we are designed to make an impact.  And yet, we often stay stuck, not making the kind of impact for which we are capable.

In this week’s show, we look at the 7 biggest excuses we use to NOT make an impact.  All are based in our attempts to stay in our “comfort zone.”  Yet, a comfort zone can be very uncomfortable.  It is just the world we know.  It can be uncomfortable, but feels safe.

Yet our truest self, our most centered part of our existence, our Spirit, calls us to a higher place.  We can avoid that voice in many ways.  But it keeps on calling us.  It keeps on trying to pull us forward.  We may pull back.  But there is another option.

Where will YOU make an impact?

Rule 12: It’s never too late to be what you might have been.

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” — George Elliot

this is one of my favorite quotes.  He reminds me that we are never finished developing into who we want to be.  Who we are becoming is a constantly changing and developing piece.  We are always growing, changing, and becoming more and more of who we are.

Were reading about how Michelangelo talked about his creating a sculpture.  He said that he looked at the rock,  decided what was in it, then chipped everything else away.  In other words, he was looking to see what the rock was supposed to be.  That’s what we do.  We are constantly seeking to find what we are supposed to be.  Then our job is to get rid of everything else.

We grow up becoming who others want us to be.  Then one day we look around, realize that the path we have been on has not been ours, and we have to make a decision.  We have to decide whether we will continue following someone else’s path or whether we will start our own path.  Sometimes, people decide that it’s too late in life to change paths.  Too bad.  When we realize that we were on the wrong path, then we have a chance to take the right path.

Sometimes, we just know that were not on the right path, but we don’t know what the right path is.  That’s when we have to get rid of the things that are in our way of discovering a new path.  That’s when we have to chip away all that doesn’t belong.

Once we do that, our path becomes much more clear.  In fact, what we discover is that fear has kept us off the right path.  Fear has kept us from doing and being who we want to be and what we want to do.

Until we face that fact, we keep ourselves from being who we could be.  More importantly, we keep ourselves from the being who we want to be.  Perhaps, we even keep ourselves from being who we should be.

It’s never too late to be what you might have been.  Decide if you are on the path you want to be on, or if it’s time to change paths.

The Rules: A Starting Point

OK, so let’s set some parameters for these 99 rules of thriving.  You see, these rules are not pulled out of thin air.  They come from my frame for what I understand are the elements of a thriving life.

As I have studied this, four areas of concern emerge in the pursuit of a thriving life.  Each area is important, but it is the presence of all four that really put the whole thriving life into motion.  Here are the four areas:

thriving life graphic

thriving life graphic

So here is a brief overview, and we will begin to enlarge as we move through the rules:

Thoughts and Mind: This broad category basically means that a thriving person understands the role that thoughts play in creating our reality, weaving our paradigm.  In fact, I maintain that the majority of people misuse a major resource in life:  their mind.

I believe that we have come to have very poor mind hygeine.  We let our thoughts rule us, not us ruling our thoughts.  We fail to notice that we are just thinking, and instead believe that our thoughts are reality.

Let’s face it:  our mind was designed to think, to create thoughts.  But it is up to us to decide on whether this will be a productive or destructive process.

Letting Go and Moving On: Our capacity to let go of something that is on our mind, has happened to us, or has not happened to us, is in direct ratio to our capacity to thrive.  I would use the term “forgiveness,” but there is a great deal of extra baggage attached to that term.  So I will say that forgiveness is a subcategory of this.

And in order to thrive, we must be able to take the next step past letting go of something; we must move on.  People who thrive have discovered how to keep moving forward, regardless of the circumstances around them.

Gratitude and Appreciation: A hallmark of thrivers is the ability to experience gratitude.  No, let me change that:  to choose gratitude.  Not only do they live in gratitude, they live in appreciation, the application of seeking out gratitude.

This is a choice in the stories we tell.  Am I upset that I don’t have a big bank account, or am I grateful I have been able to pay what is necessary to keep going, for instance.  This is partly about optimism, but is slightly different.  Optimism is about how things will be in the future.  Gratitude is choosing to be grateful for what already is.

Gratitude and appreciation helps to shift us out of the scarcity “what I don’t have” model to abundance.  This keeps us from feeling desperate, which then leads to creative responses.

Meaning and Purpose: This is the final element of my model.  It is the most important, and yet the most difficult to master.  It is not the question “what is the meaning of life?”  Instead it is the question of “what is meaningful to me?”  Having a sense of meaning keeps us moving ahead, regardless of what is going on around us.  Purpose is the way we live out that meaning.

When we have discovered our sense of meaning and how we find it, our purpose, then life becomes a joy to live.  Too often, we pursue happiness, forgetting that this grows out of a meaningful life, lived with purpose.