4 “Can’ts” And How To Change Them

Can't or Won't?I used to be the King of Can’t.  “I can’t do this,” or “We can’t do that” seemed to roll out of my mouth.

Almost all of them were lies.  Well, kind of.

They certainly were not true.  Instead, my “can’ts” were more about mindset and perception than reality.

“I can’t do this” is often less about an impossibility, and more about a lack of skill, lack of desire, or lack of responsibility.

In this week’s podcast, I want to share with you the 4 types of can’ts.  All but 1 are solvable.  And the one that isn’t?  It is the background noise, the given of life.  You simply move forward, in spite of that “can’t.”

Can I share with you the 4 “can’ts” and how to escape the “can’t” trap?

Join me as I try to abdicate my throne of Can’t.

Built For Impact: #28 Thriveology Podcast

You are designed for impact.Do you wonder why you are here?  Are you wondering what purpose you have in the world?

You have something unique to offer to the world.  It is something only YOU can do to impact the world.

Life satisfaction comes from being a person of impact.  Change in your own life and in the life of those around you only comes from being a person of impact.

As humans, we are designed for impact.  We are designed to create an impact in our own life, the lives of those around us, and in the lives of others.

What?  You don’t think you are impacting the world?  You don’t think you have anything to offer?  Let me prove you wrong!

In this week’s Thriveology Podcast, I tell you several reasons why you may not be making an impact.  But more importantly, I give you several ways of becoming a person of impact.

Let me know what you think in the comments area below!

Dealing with Roadblocks and Life Knocks: #26 Thriveology Podcast

life roadblocks and how to copeYou can guarantee life will hand you lumps.  You can guarantee there will be roadblocks and tough times.

How will you respond?  Will you believe “this just isn’t meant to be?”  Or will you believe something else is possible?

In this week’s podcast, I share some of my own life struggles and talk about how we can cope better with roadblocks and tough times.

Let’s learn how to thrive better together, and discuss some strategies for dealing with those life challenges.  You CAN face life, even when life seems unfair and challenging.

In fact, a thriving mindset equips you to thrive EVEN BETTER BECAUSE OF the life struggles, not in spite of.

Release From Resentment: #25 Thrive Nation Podcast

In the last podcast, we took a look at regretFreeYourselfFromResentment.  Regret ties you to the past.  And so does resentment.  Resentment keeps us tied to past events and hurts, keeping us from living in the present.

More than that, resentment keeps us tied to pain and anger.  It causes us to keep our distance, protect ourselves, and close ourselves off.  Resentment ends up being a cage.

But you don’t have to be caged by resentment.  you can free yourself and let go of your resentment.

You are designed to be free of resentment.  It is a natural process, once you get out of your own way.  Learn why resentment sticks around and how to release it in this week’s podcast.

Your Equation for Thriving: Thriveology Podcast #9

Success EquationMath.  It was never my strong point.  I suffered through equation after equation, and was glad to leave math behind in school.

But there is one equation that has proven to be incredibly helpful in learning to thrive.  And don’t worry — it requires no math skills.

In this week’s Thriveology Podcast, we take a look at this equation.  I hope you find it as helpful in your life as it has been in mine!

Here’s to thriving in the New Year!

Let me know what you think in the comments below.

Your Basic Fears And How To Beat Them: Thriveology Podcast Ep. 7

Conquer your fearsWe all have some basic fear responses to certain stimuli — in other words, everyone has things that scare them.

But there are some deeper, more existential fears, that seem to trip ALL of us up.  They are based in some deep beliefs that we carry around from very young ages.  At the same time, these fears have followed civilization through the ages.

These three basic fears can keep us stuck or keep us struggling, even when the fears are unfounded and useless.

Ready to discover these fears — and how to move beyond them?  Join us for the Thriveology Podcast as we explore these three basic fears and how to deal with them.

Let me know what you think!  Leave a comment or ask a question.

Fear Series, Part 2: The Fear Holding You Back — Thriveology Podcast

Fear Holding You BackFear isn’t something you can just turn on or off.  It is a fact of life.

The only real question is how much fear is going to run your life.  Unfortunately, fear is pretty good at acting like a friend, pretending to protect you.

Instead, fear just keeps you playing smaller than you should.  Fear keeps you from giving the world all that you have.

Oh, and here is the interesting thing:  the bigger that task, the bigger the fear.  The more important it is to you, the more you will feel the fear.  And the more the fear will pretend to protect.

There is not enough time, though, in life, to not live fully.  There is too much that each of us has to give, that each of us needs to become.

Join me in this podcast as we explore the ways that fear holds us back. . . and what to do about it!

Let me know what you think.  Leave me your thoughts in the comments area below — and spread the word!

Rule 9: Mistakes Don’t Matter

OK, let me say just a bit more:  “Mistakes don’t matter.  How you deal with them does.”  You see, we often get so caught up in fearing that we will make a mistake that we don’t stretch.

We stop ourselves before we even begin, or we freeze up in the midst of trying, all because we might make a mistake.  But that really is the nature of life.  We make mistakes, pick ourselves up, learn from the mistake, then move on.

Well, that SHOULD be the rhythm of life.  In fact, when we don’t live that way, we have trapped ouselves into what Carol Dweck refers to as a “fixed mindset.”

Dweck distinguishes between the fixed mindset that refers to our expectations that we have innate skills, natural abilities.  A mistake would seem to be an indication that we lack in skills or ability from this frame.  So, for instance, a child is told that she is a “natural athlete.”  As time goes on, the child fears that she cannot live up to that, so she either quits trying or constantly works to prove others right.  In either case, she comes to fear making a mistake.

The “growth mindset,” on the other hand, is the (correct) belief that we are all growing, developing individual capable of learning new skills and ideas.  In that frame, a mistake is just part of the process of learning.  In fact, mistakes may be one of the best ways of learning!

I help teach SCUBA classes.  In the beginning, I ran around trying to make sure the students made no mistakes.  Then the instructor pointed out that the students needed to make these mistakes in our controlled environment, so that they did not make them when it mattered.  I broke myself (mostly) of that habit, and instead turned to the idea of helping the students learn and recover from the mistakes.  I believe they are much better divers now.

As Wayne Gretzky said, “You miss 100% of the shots you never take.” Start taking the shots!  Make some mistakes, then decide what to do about them!

Rule 8: Ask “What’s The BEST That Can Happen?”

In the last rule, I proposed that the question “what’s the worst that could happen?” can be a useful “reality check” when fear grabs and limits you.  This rule goes from the opposite end.

My wife brought this question to my attention, and even if I tease her (when my son said he was nervous about a basketball game, my wife asked this question, “what’s the best that could happen?”, I suggested that my 12 year old son could be spotted by an NBA scout and called up!), she is right.

Too often, we get caught in the fear and dread.  And while asking “what’s the worst that can happen?” helps us stay in reality, it can also keep us on the down side of a situation.

What about the upside, the opportunity?  The question “what’s the best that can happen?” brings the upside into perspective.  It provides an openness to possibility.bungy-jump

For example, you are thinking of that bungee jump.  Your fear grips you, and you find yourself unable to step up to the edge and take a leap.  So, you ask, “what’s the worst that could happen?”  The outfitters have only stellar reviews, the cord is in good shape, the harness is secure.  Given the safety record, it is safe to say the worst would be a little soreness tomorrow from the swing.

Still, you find yourself rooted in place, unable to command your feet to move.  Now ask “what’s the best that could happen?”  And you find you might just prove to yourself that you can tackle your fear of heights.  You can get a huge adrenaline rush.  You get a t-shirt.  You get to jump off a bridge with no injury!  Now, we are into possibilities.

In the previous rule, we talked about speaking in public, given how high this fear ranks.  So, let’s take a look at that one.  You have already established the worst that could happen, and you know you will not die giving the talk.

Now, what is the best that could happen?  Perhaps you could make a difference for the organization?  Maybe someone will see you give the talk, be impressed by your willingness, and give you even more opportunities.  Or at a minimum, the best would be you face your fear, do the talk, and walk away more confident.

So use this question to balance the fear.  It helps us to both test our reality (risk assessment in Rule 7), and think about opportunity.

Rule 7: Ask “What’s The Worst That Can Happen?”

Today, the question that can help you challenge your fears when thinking about doing something.  You see, fear pretends to befriend and protect us.  So it whispers into our ear all kinds of thoughts about not doing something because “something could go wrong.”  But in actuality, there isn’t much fact behind the images of utter destruction.grand-canyon-jump

So, the question is “what’s the worst that can happen?”  Then think through the answers.  Are they really that bad?  If they are, and it isn’t your exageration from fear, then perhaps you shouldn’t do it.  Say you are standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon and you want to jump to a rock outcropping 6 feet out from you.  You are scared, but still thinking about it.  You ask the question:  “what’s the worst that can happen?”  And you answer “Oh, I don’t know, a 5000 foot drop.”  Then, your fear was well-intended!

But let’s face it, that is not the typical situation.  No, our fears are normally about non-lethal situations.  In fact, our fears often only serve to constrict our lives, keeping us from growning and developing.  That is when the question is magic!

How about this one:  someone asks you to give a short speech during a business gathering!  Fear whispers in your ear “I’ll mess that one up. . . that’s scary!”  Quickly, you find a conflict on your schedule, a reason why that is not going to work out.

But what if you asked the question “what’s the worst that could happen?” and you were realistic?  The worst may be that your words don’t come out as clearly as you would like.  Or people won’t agree with you.  Or you will die of embarrassment (there has never been a verified case of this!).

OK, so maybe your words don’t come out as clearly as you would like.  Maybe your tongue gets tied, but haven’t you seen others do the same in a speaking situation?  Even presidents get tongue-tied and say the wrong things.  But they are still presidents.  In other words, there is likely far less risk than you think.

You answer the question, you face your worst fears, realize that they aren’t so bad, and you decide to take a risk.  That is the nature of life, growth, and learning.  That is how we develop into better humans.  So ask the question, question the answers, and see that fear isn’t the friend it pretends to be.