Does Everything Happen For A Reason?

Does everything happen for a reason?In recent days, I have been with people in the middle of horrific losses.  Inevitably, someone steps up  and in an attempt to comfort, says, “Everything happens for a reason.”

That comment is rarely comforting in the painful moments.

But deeper than that, is it even true?

Many people default to this as a reaction to something that happens and is outside of our capacity to understand.

Sometimes, we want to think that there is something behind it — not just some random event.  But what does that phrase mean?  Does it mean that some force is trying to teach some lesson?

For many people, the answer is yes.

But does that make it so?

Does everything happen for a reason?

Let’s chat. . .

RELATED RESOURCES:
Moving Through Grief
Living The Big Stuff with Kristine Carlson

Healthy Midlife Transitions

Mid Life Transformation Series

How to have a healthy midlife crisis -- transition and transformation.Not every mid-lifer manages a crisis.  Many make a healthy transition to the new stage of life and development.

The difference?

There are several factors that come into play.  Central is a misunderstanding about what is happening.

Many people refuse to admit some change is happening.  They hold onto old models that no longer work.  They cling to old habits that no longer help.

When people come into my office and tell me they think they are having a midlife crisis, I congratulate them and ask, “What took you so long?”  The longer their delay, the deeper the crisis.

Let’s talk about some strategies of dealing with a midlife crisis in a healthy way.

MID LIFE TRANSITION SERIES
4 Myths of a Mid Life Crisis
The Heart Of A Midlife Crisis

4 Myths of Mid Life Crisis

Mid Life Transformation Series

4 myths of mid life crisis.This week, we turn our attention to mid-life.  Maybe because that is where I am!

Many clients come to me in the midst of a midlife crisis.  But that term carries so much baggage that many people are even embarrassed to consider the fact that it might just be. . . a. . . mid-life crisis brewing!

Too bad.  In reality, mid life is all about transformation.  New opportunities abound.  Possible growth and change is on the horizon.  Deeper meaning.  Greater purpose.  Huge impact.  All the possibilities of a midlife transformation.

In the last couple of years, headlines blared, “Mid Life Crisis Is A Myth.”  But they missed the point of a midlife crisis.  The scale used in research was “happiness.”  Wrong scale.  The right scale is about meaning.  Besides, nobody has figured out how to define or measure happiness with any clarity.

Instead of focusing on the “myth of the midlife crisis,” this week, I turn my attention to 4 myths about midlife crises.

Care to join me?  Listen below:

3 Thoughts To Turn Around Tough Times

3 thoughts to turn around tough times.In the midst of my own serious illness years ago, I had friends who were more than willing to share with me the many ways I might die from my illness.  They seemed to have missed the fact that I had the same information.

But they also missed the fact that I refused to play through every potential scenario.  Not because I was in denial, but because it did not benefit me to focus on it.

In reflection, I used three specific phrases to stay focused on my life (and not my potential demise).

And in fact, these same thoughts and reflections are strong sources of me thriving to this day.

Let me tell you about the thoughts I held and continue to hold when dealing with life circumstances.

Are there other thoughts YOU use?  Share in the comments below.

Choosing How You Live It

You DON'T Have A Choice In What Life Sends Your Way. . .

You don't have a choice on what life sends your way.  You have a choice in how you live it out.If there is one thing clearly evident:  we do not have a choice in what life sends our way.  Sometimes, things happen.  Good things, bad things, in-between things.  “Stuff” happens.

Sometimes, we have zero control over what happens.  Sometimes, we have some influence on what happens.  Sometimes, we have control.  But what about the things that just happen?

We have no choice about that.

But we do have a choice in how we live it out.

After the initial shock of adjusting to something, we get to choose how we move forward.  We can choose how we respond, who we choose to be, and what it teaches.

Listen for more details on how to choose your living when “stuff” happens.

(Learn more about Responsibility HERE.)

 

“What Is” IS What Is

Immutable Law of Living Series

"What Is" is what is:  Immutable Law of LivingEver notice how much time and energy we spend (waste) struggling with “what is?”

We want things to be different than they are.  We want things to have happened differently than they did.

Yet here we are, and those things DID happen.

And we still spend time and energy thinking about how things “should” be different, trying to somehow “make” them different.  All to no avail.

We are better served coming to terms with “What Is,” and then choosing how to move forward.

Do you find yourself struggling with What Is?  Do you find yourself struggling to accept where you are and what has happened?

Let’s talk about how to stop wasting that time and energy.  What Is IS what is. . .

Immutable Laws Of Living Series:
Life Isn’t Fair
Life Has Challenges
Life Isn’t About Happiness
A Thought Is A Thought
Every Perspective Is Limited
Change Is Inevitable
People Do The Best They Can
We ALL Have Fears
Life is YOUR Responsibility

Change Is Inevitable

Immutable Laws of Living Series

Change is inevitable:  Immutable Law of LivingThere is one constant in life:  Change.  It doesn’t matter if you hate change (most people) or love change (a few people — but usually, only when the change is going their way!).  The change happens.

Watch the seasons of the year go by.  Summer just blew through.  Fall is, inescapably (at least north of the equator) coming in.  Watch your kids.  Like it or not, they keep right on marching toward adulthood.  And (painfully, I might add), watch as your body continues to age — no matter what you do to stop it.  It just keeps on coming.

Change.

It is inevitable.

So, do we ignore it?  Do we hate it?  Or do we accept it and learn to grow with it?

Listen below for my (thriving) opinion.

Immutable Laws Of Living Series:
Life Isn’t Fair
Life Has Challenges
Life Isn’t About Happiness
A Thought Is A Thought
Every Perspective Is Limited

Life Has Challenges

Immutable Law of Living Series

Immutable Law of Living:  Life Has Challenges.  The challenges and struggles are inevitable.  How you respond and react, that is up to you.Last week, I discussed the fact that life isn’t fair.  That is the first immutable law of living.  Because when you struggle against it, trying to make life fair, you lose.  When you accept life isn’t fair, you shift.  Life isn’t about fairness.

In fact, one of the reasons we believe life isn’t fair is because tough things happen in life.  Challenges and tragedies strike.  We believe these are anomalies, things that shouldn’t happen.  So we start struggling against those challenges.

Which leads us to the second Immutable Law of Living:  Life Has Challenges.  No way around it.  Challenges come our way.

We have no choice about the challenges.  We do have a choice on what we do when the challenge comes our way.  We can protest that “this shouldn’t be happening,” even continuing that “this isn’t fair.”  And yet, those things still come our way.

How do we respond, then, to the challenges that come our way?

Immutable Laws Of Living Series:
Life Isn’t Fair

Life Isn’t Fair

Immutable Laws of Living

Immutable Law of Living:  Life Isn't Fair.  That's not the point.If you follow my marriage podcast, you know I am in the midst of a series on the “Immutable Laws of Marriage.”  These “laws” are violated at the expense of the relationship.  There are also Immutable Laws of Living.  And this week, we start looking at those laws.

No, you won’t be in legal trouble if you violate these laws.  You will be in thriving trouble, though.  These are laws that help us to thrive, if we abide by them.  And these laws hold us back, if we push against them.

The first “law” is also a cry I hear from many people, “Life isn’t fair!”  Indeed, it is not.  And that is not the point of life.  Life is not about “fair” or “unfair.”  People cry out about the unfairness of life, hoping that will change things, shift things to be fair.  That shift doesn’t happen.

But instead of shifting views, people continue to proclaim and protest, “Life Isn’t Fair.”

They are correct, and that is OK.  Here’s how to abide by this law.

Get Unstuck Wrap-up

Final Installment in the Get Unstuck Series

BeyondStuckPeople get stuck for several reasons:

  1. The Past
  2. The Future
  3. Your Energy

None of the 3 have to keep you stuck.  First, you have to identify the source of “Stuck,” and then decide how to move through it.

Unstuck becomes a choice — but only after understanding the Stuck.  Stare at the Cost-Benefit and decide if you are just choosing to be stuck.  Or if you are ready to move beyond it.

As we wrap up the Get Unstuck series, I provide some specific steps to take in order to be free from the pains of the past, the anxieties of the future, and a lack of energy.  Join me as we move beyond Stuck.

GETTING UNSTUCK SERIES
Intro To Getting Unstuck
How You Get Stuck
You Are Not As Stuck As You Think
Give Up Your Goals & Get Unstuck
Loops
Shift Your Perspective
When Fear Has You Stuck
The KNAC Protocol For Getting Unstuck
4 Steps To Changing Limiting Beliefs