The Important Influence On Children

Raising Thriving Children Series

There are so many influences on kids these days.  They are pulled in so many directions.  This has always been true.  The influences might change, but the fact that outside influences pull at kids is consistent.

In the 1950’s, resilience research started to emerge.  It came about because some researchers who were looking at societal ills noticed that some people managed to navigate the same difficulties, and move into normal adulthood.

Once they had examined the societal problems, some researchers turned to the resilient people.  They wanted to know why the same problems did not cause the same outcome.

Several factors emerged.  One factor is the basis of our discussion today.  It is the single, biggest influence on children — and is an essential factor in learning to thrive.

(Here’s a hint — you are a lot closer to it than you think!)

Raising Thriving Children Series
Introduction
Eggs, Balls, And Turtles

Eggs, Balls, And Turtles

Raising Thriving Children Series

Raising thriving children.  Are they eggs or balls?  Lessons from baby turtles. . .Summer has flown by!  Here we are, already at Labor Day in the States.  That kind of marks the end of summer for many.  Most schools are back in session and schedules start to be a wee bit more important.  Structure returns.

And parenting may be ratcheted up just a bit.

It’s a great time to be thinking some about your hopes and goals of your parenting.  I’m guessing that your hope is NOT to be the rescuer for life.  Maybe more like coaching from the sidelines while the kids run their plays.

Or maybe like volunteer turtle patrols.

Know what I mean?

If not, maybe a listen to this week’s podcast will clarify for you.  Remember, there are two models of viewing kids:  Eggs or Balls.  I’m leaning toward balls.

Let’s think about it in this week’s podcast, below.

Raising Thriving Children Series
Introduction

Finding Your Confidence

Tools To Thrive Series

The truth about self confidence.  How to find it.  How to build it.  How to have it.Confidence.  We all want to feel it.  We are in a culture dedicated to the importance of strong self-confidence.  And yet, it always seems out of grasp.

Why is that?

Because we want confidence to be “there,” already present.  We want it to be a preset of living.  You know, just an innate part of you.

But it isn’t.

If you have self-confidence that you can do something — regardless of preparation, training, knowledge, or skill — that is false self-confidence.  And it will fail at the first moment of challenge.

Which is the innate problem in our current model of raising “self-confident children” (and, by the way, next week is the start of a series on Raising Thriving Children).

And it is why we keep hoping to feel confidence, first, rather than having to build it as we go.

Listen to this week’s podcast for the Thriving Tool of Confidence — and we will be wrapping up the Thriving Tool Series with this tool.

Tools of Thriving Series
Introduction
Thought Awareness
Only Control What You Can

The Responsibility Formula
The Perspective Shift
Your Built-In Importance Indicator
The Importance Matrix
The Appreciation Approach
A Thriving Breath
Systemize Your Life
Using Mindfulness To Thrive

Using Mindfulness To Thrive

Tools To Thrive Series

Thrive tool of mindfulness.It’s a hot topic these days:  Mindfulness.

It has been touted as a stress reliever.  But it is far more than that (although it does relieve stress).  Mindfulness is really an awareness your experience.  In other words, instead of lost in thought or distracted, you are experiencing the world and you in it.

When you are mindful, you are more engaged with others.  You taste the food you are eating.  You feel the environment around you.

And you are not as lost in thought.  Do remember that your emotional state is a derivative of your thoughts (NOT your experience of your environment).

Stress is really about fear.  Fear comes from thoughts.  Not the experience, but your thoughts and interpretations of the experience.  Reconnecting with the experience disengages the thoughts.

Give it a try.  I give 3 simple mindfulness exercises in the podcast below.

Tools of Thriving Series
Introduction
Thought Awareness
Only Control What You Can

The Responsibility Formula
The Perspective Shift
Your Built-In Importance Indicator
The Importance Matrix
The Appreciation Approach
A Thriving Breath
Systemize Your Life

A Thriving Breath

Tools To Thrive Series

Using your breathing as a way to thrive and be healthy.It happens automatically.  You don’t even think about it.  Unless you choose to notice it — or even change it.  And it’s a good thing it happens automatically.  Otherwise, you would not last long.

Breathing.

Even if you don’t ever think about it, your breathing will keep oxygen coming into your body and carbon dioxide going out of your body. In and out.  All day long.

No big deal, right?

Wrong.

HOW you breathe determines whether your body acts as if there is a threat or whether your body assumes everything is alright.  One way causes stress.  The other way creates calm.

One way is how you likely breathe on a regular basis — and especially when there is a perceived threat or stressful situation.  The other way allows you to calm yourself down, increase your oxygen supply, and shift away from fear/stress.

Ready to shift to a thriving breath?  Listen below

Tools of Thriving Series
Introduction
Thought Awareness
Only Control What You Can

The Responsibility Formula
The Perspective Shift
Your Built-In Importance Indicator
The Importance Matrix
The Appreciation Approach

The Appreciation Approach

Tools to Thrive Series

The Appreciation ApproachYour brain is really only capable of being in one of two modes:  fear/threat or love/appreciation. Unfortunately, the fear/threat mode is pretty much the default and automatic.

Fortunately, changing to manual and shifting to love/appreciation is not complicated.

More than that, there is plenty of research to point to the specific benefits of that shift:

  • Better emotional health,
  • Higher pain tolerance,
  • Higher sociability,
  • Greater life satisfaction,
  • More sleep,
  • More exercise,
  • etc., etc., etc.

There really isn’t much of a downside to gratitude and appreciation.  It just requires a shift in habits to get there.

Got 10 minutes or so per day, just for the next month?  YOU can build your appreciation/gratitude  toolkit and add it to your Thriving Toolbox.

Tools of Thriving Series
Introduction
Thought Awareness
Only Control What You Can

The Responsibility Formula
The Perspective Shift
Your Built-In Importance Indicator
The Importance Matrix

The Importance Matrix

Tools To Thrive Series

The Importance MatrixDo you find yourself chasing after all of those “urgent” tasks, only to discover that they really don’t matter?

President Dwight Eisenhower said, “I have to kinds of problems.  The urgent and the important.  The urgent are not important and the important are never urgent.”

Sometimes, the urgent things ARE important.  They probably get done right then and there.  But then the urgent (but not important) tend to crowd out the important (but not urgent).  For example, those meetings and tasks at work that you take on can seem urgent.  But they might not be important.  On the other hand, relationships with a spouse or children can get pushed to the side because they are not urgent.  Yet they are important.

The sad part is when the important (but not urgent) get shuffled off to the side for so long that they become no longer important.  Broken relationships, hurting spouses — they drift away.

The Eisenhower Box is named for President Eisenhower.  It is a powerful tool in your Thriving Toolbox, as you work to get priorities clarified.

Listen in to learn how to use it in your life.

Tools of Thriving Series
Introduction
Thought Awareness
Only Control What You Can

The Responsibility Formula
The Perspective Shift
Your Built-In Importance Indicator

Your Built-In Importance Indicator

Tools To Thrive Series

Your Built-In Importance IndicatorWouldn’t it be nice if you had a built-in detector that let you know when something is important?  Kind of like a treasure detector to point out when to pay attention and dig in?

Guess what?

You do!

But you probably aren’t using it the way it was designed.  Most people aren’t.  In fact, most people use this indicator as an Avoidance Indicator — using it to AVOID things, even important things.

Used correctly, this built-in indicator will help you decide what is important and what is trivial.  It will also guide your choices.  Used incorrectly, and it will keep you stuck, small, and missing opportunities.

Ready to learn how to use it?  Listen below. . .

 

Tools of Thriving Series
Introduction
Thought Awareness
Only Control What You Can

The Responsibility Formula
The Perspective Shift

The Perspective Shift

Tools To Thrive Series

Shift Your PerspectiveAs I ran through the woods, I could only see the trees and path right in front of me.  I had no idea how far up the mountain I had climbed.  I had no idea about the turns in the trail ahead.  And I couldn’t even see very far back, given all the twists.  My vision was only the few yards ahead.

Sometimes, life is like that.  We are so close to something, we lose perspective.  We can only see the next little period of time.  Which means that some things seem bigger than they are, and some things seem insignificant, but prove important.

Fortunately, one tool in your Thrive Toolbox is the capacity of changing perspectives when you want.

This week, to equip you, I want to provide you with 4 perspective shifts you can use.  Then, you can see the forest, even when the trees are right in front.

Tools of Thriving Series
Introduction
Thought Awareness
Only Control What You Can

The Responsibility Formula

The Responsibility Formula

Tools To Thrive Series

Being 100% Responsible:  The Responsibility Formula

E + R = O

It’s one of my favorite formulas.  And it isn’t even math!

Well, it kinda is.  It is the Responsibility Formula Dr. Robert Resnick developed, and Jack Canfield popularized.

And it is powerful.

Like most formulas, all the parts must be present.

Many times, people assume that what happens around them determines what happens to them.  They miss a piece of the formula.

Sometimes, people assume they have full control of life, that they can choose their path, without outside interference.  They also miss a piece of the formula.

Master this formula and you will have a grasp on responsibility in your life — and how to work the formula in your favor.

Tools of Thriving Series
Introduction
Thought Awareness
Only Control What You Can