Control What You CAN Control. . .

Control what you CAN control.We spend lots of time trying to control our Fears, Feelings, and Thoughts.  But, we can’t.  We can decide how long they will keep us stuck, but we just can’t stop them from popping up.  And yet, we spend LOTS of energy trying to avoid them.

Why not spend your time on what you CAN control?

You do have a choice about your Aspirations, Attitude, and Actions.  Focus there.

Let go of the things you can’t control and then choose to control what you CAN control.

Listen below for details.

Choosing Plan C

Time to choose Plan C, Option 3.Too often, we get stuck in “either/or” thinking.  We believe that our choice is either A or B.  And usually, the magic is in plan C (or D – Z).

Our “binary thinking” trips us up.  We just see things that way:  left/right, yes/no, good/bad, up/down, even Democrat/Republican.  And because of that binary thinking, we start missing the myriad of other options.

Unfortunately, that leaves us with few (well, 2) options when we make decisions.  Usually, those two options lack in potential for getting us anywhere new.

I have often found myself acting as if there were only 2 choices.  But one particular experience of being stuck between option 1 and option 2 taught me that option 3 was what made all the difference.  It changed my entire trajectory of life.

Want to hear about it and how to find your option 3/plan C?  Listen below.

“We Aren’t Getting Out Alive” – Make It Count!

We won't get out of life alive.  So make it count.No, I am not predicting a huge catastrophe, destroying the world.  And I am not stuck in a disaster area.

But I remember hearing someone say that about life:  “We aren’t getting out of here alive.”  Simple.  And profound.

Between birth and death, what is life about?

I have come to believe that we humans have a unique gift:  we are built to make an impact, a difference in life.  We can make a negative impact or a positive impact.  But we WILL make an impact.

As I have watched people, when you aim at positive impact, your life takes on purpose and meaning.  It becomes significant to you.  And you begin to move toward something bigger and greater.

Are you standing in the impact zone, or are you still stuck?

The Change Matrix – Dealing with Change

Change.  So many times, I hear people say, “I don’t like change.”

But it seems to me that we like change,

  1. when we choose it, and
  2. when we want it.

Over the years, I noticed that change doesn’t always come in the ways we want it, and the time the want it.  Change chooses us, and sometimes challenges us.

That creates the “Change Matrix.”  In my little schema, change falls into four quadrants:

Lee Baucom's Change Matrix

Each quadrant has opportunities and challenges.

Change isn’t optional.  Change comes to us, no matter how much we resist.   Sometimes, we chase it.  Sometimes we avoid it.  But it still comes.  That is the nature of life.

What can YOU do, in the midst of change?

Your Thoughts, Your Story, You’re Stuck (or not)

Your life is created by the story you tell. The story you tell is made by the thoughts you have. The thoughts you have come from beliefs you hold. And those beliefs? Not as true as you think.You are telling a story, to yourself or to somebody else.  In your mind, you are just telling the facts, “telling it like it is,” and “just the facts, ma’am.”  But rarely is it just the facts.  It may include facts, but there is a “fiction” that is added on — the fiction comes from your beliefs and perspective.

We have this running story in our minds, that creates the narrative of our lives.  And that very narrative is what gets us stuck.  Those thoughts come from a set of beliefs.  Those beliefs come because we repeatedly think the same thoughts, coming to believe them as fact.

But it is possible to get unstuck, simply by stepping back and noticing those thoughts.

Your life is created by the story you tell.  The story you tell is made by the thoughts you have.  The thoughts you have come from beliefs you hold.  And those beliefs?  Not as true as you think.

Listen in as Kim Ades (expert coach in your thinking process) and I discuss a real-life situation of someone stuck in a thought process.

And learn a simple technique you can use to get yourself unstuck from those thoughts.  Check it out in this week’s podcast below.

(And you can listen to the earlier interview I had with Kim Ades by CLICKING HERE
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Change 1 Thing

Change 1 thing.  Just one.Change.  Not a favorite of many people.  Life is constantly changing, but that doesn’t mean people like change.

When people decide to change:  lose weight, exercise, get out of debt, or some other worthy goal — suddenly, they want to turn everything upside-down.

Which lasts for a few days.  But many times, they return to right were they were.  No real change.  Just lots of energy.

There is a better way.

Let me be clear — there are times, due to health or finances or a relationship, where you have to turn everything around at once.  But for everyday life, there is a better approach.

Change just 1 thing.

Learn why in this week’s podcast.

Are You Focused On The Problem Or The Solution?

Are your a Problemer or a Solver?Are you focused on the problem or the solution?  I’ve noticed that people fall into one category or the other.

The “Problemers” tend to be well aware of why something can’t be done.  They can give you the reasons why, the limits of anything, and tell you why it won’t change.

And then, there are the “Solvers.”  They are the ones who are actively doing what others say can’t be done.

Which are you?  Do you focus on the problem or the solution?

When we focus on the problem, we find our Problem Horizon getting tighter and tighter.  We see far less of the possibilities and opportunities when we are stuck on the problem.

You may have heard the quote, “Those who say it can’t be done should stay out of the way of those doing it.”  Let me suggest that it is possible to go from being the one saying it can’t be done, to the one doing it. And you can do it in 4 steps.

In fact, if you think you can’t do that, please pay attention!  You can, and I can tell you how.

Learn how to move from being a “Problemer” to being a “Solver.”  It is an important trait of thrivers.

Why Self-Compassion Is More Important Than Self-Confidence

Self-compassion is more important than self-confidence or self-esteem in having a thriving life.So much press on self-esteem.  And so little evidence that self-esteem predicts success or mental health.  A higher-than-average level of self-esteem is, however, associated with juvenile delinquency and narcissism.

Then why do we find schools, parents, and other organizations focused on building self-esteem in ourselves and our children?

There is something else that has been demonstrated to help with mental health and well-being.  That “something else” is self-compassion.

When things are tough, do you give yourself a break?  Not “let yourself off the hook,” but remind yourself that you are doing the best you can?

My guess is you have the same thing in your mind that I do:  a critical voice that is happy to point out my shortcomings and foibles.  You might even listen to the same critical voice that you would tell a friend to ignore.

Self-compassion is about understanding that you (and others) do the best you (and they) can do, given current state-of-mind and situations.  Instead of listening to the critical voice, how about the loving voice that knows you are, like it or not, human.  And that you are trying.

This is not about saying “I have no need to change, here I am.”  But it is about saying, “here I am, and I need to accept that.  I need to give myself a break!”

Learn about self-compassion — what it is and how to extend it to yourself.

Curiosity And That Cat: Killer or Thriver?

Curiosity did not kill the cat.  It helped the cat to thrive!Does “curiosity kill the cat?”  Hardly.  In fact, that is a mis-quote.

The actual quote is “care killed the cat.”  And that is probably MUCH more accurate these days!

Yet that same phrase about curiosity and death has been used to shut down the curiosity of many children and adults.

Too bad.  I would argue that curiosity is a cornerstone of a thriving life.  It leads us to new and different places.  It pushes us to take on challenges and to learn new things.  It stretches us beyond the current stuck place.

Curiosity is central to thriving MORE in life.  If you have forgotten how to be curious, listen in as we discuss just how important your curiosity can be.

Extend Your 3 Horizons to Thrive

Extend your 3 horizons to really thrive.Sometimes, the horizon can seem to stretch in front of us forever.  Sometimes, it seems that we are smack up against the world.  We can’t see beyond where we are.  We can’t see past our problems and struggles.

Time to extend and expand your horizons.

There are three horizons we can all expand:  our problem horizon, opportunity horizon, and growth horizon.

When we can’t see past our problems, our problem horizon is limited.  At those times, you can believe that there is nothing on the other side of a problem or situation.

Sometimes, we just can’t see any opportunities.  Our opportunity horizon is too small, too close.  There seems to be no options, no possibility, no opportunities.  At the same time, others are seeing an opportunity everywhere.  The difference is their opportunity horizon.

And there are times when we just don’t believe we can grow and change.  Our change horizon is too small.  Maybe you tell yourself that “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”  But in reality, we are ever-changing and ever-growing.  The question is only on how intentional we can be about that growth.  Do we embrace change or run from it?  Do we see our place of growth, or hide from it?

Learn more about your 3 horizons.  And then learn 5 steps to expanding and extending your horizons.