You Are NOT As Stuck As You Feel

Getting Unstuck Series

You are not as stuck as you think!Stuck.  We all feel it sometimes.  We can’t get ourselves in gear, out of our own way, moving in the right direction, or even moving at all.

There are some reasons we get stuck.  But I truly believe we are never quite as stuck as we feel.

When I feel stuck, it is sometimes helpful for me to remind myself of why I am not quite as stuck as I feel.  When I do that, I get a little momentum.

A little momentum is what I need to begin the process of getting unstuck.

And after you listen to the podcast, you will realize:  you have LOTS of momentum.  LOTS is changing. . . if you are looking.

Introduction To Getting Unstuck Series

How You Get Stuck

Get Unstuck Series, Ep. 2

How you get stuck:  4 reasons we all get stuck, why and how.We all have those times when we feel stuck.  And we tend to get stuck for the same few reasons:

  1. The Past
  2. Limiting Beliefs
  3. Lack of Clarity
  4. Fear

Sometimes, we stay anchored in the past, to the old stories and old scripts — and we don’t even realize it.

Other times, we carry around limiting beliefs about what is even possible.  We don’t tap into the possibilities and potentials, but fall into believing our own limited perspective.  We believe the self-imposed limits.

And still other times, we just don’t know what to do.  We stand at the fork(s) in the road, not sure which to choose.  So, we fail to choose.

And many times, fear keeps us stuck.  We fear the unknown, fear change, fear failure, and even fear success.

Let’s explore those reasons we get stuck, and begin to get un-stuck.

Grab a pencil and paper!  I have a little exercise for you to do!

PREVIOUS UNSTUCK:
Intro To Unstuck

 

Getting Unstuck Intro

New Series Introduction on How To Get Un-Stuck

How we get stuck.  And how we get un-stuck.During my career as a therapist, person after person came to figure out why they were stuck.  As I transitioned to coaching, I realized my focus was on how to get unstuck.

How we get stuck is merely a starting point.  The real task is how to get un-stuck and moving toward our aspirations.

When we are stuck, we can’t be thriving.  But the process of getting unstuck is also the process of thriving.

I believe that we all have the capacity of being un-stuck, regardless of circumstances and situations.

How you are stuck is similar for all of us.  What you do when you are un-stuck, that can vary greatly.  But the process of getting unstuck is the same.

Today, listen in as I tell you how Bill got stuck.

If this strikes a cord in you, please share this episode with the social sharing buttons below, and consider giving a review of the podcast in iTunes or in Stitcher.

Let’s thrive!

Dealing With Anxiety

How to beat anxiety and conquer those awful attacks

How to deal with (and beat) anxiety.Anxiety.  It sometimes seems to surround us.  Sometimes, it can even overwhelm.

But anxiety doesn’t have to hold you back.  You can learn to walk through life without allowing anxiety to control you.

Remember that we have “anxiety” wiring in your brain.  But we get to choose how much strength we allow that circuit.

Don’t let anxiety rule your life.  Learn what causes anxiety, how to short it out, and how to move beyond the anxiety.

And yes, panic attacks are all about anxiety.  They are storms of anxiety.  Learn how to keep the attacks from striking, and what to do if they do strike.

Take back your life from anxiety.  Learn how in today’s podcast.

[ALSO:  Let me say a BIG thank you to my newest patrons (through Patreon):  Robert, Tracy, Aarti, Derek, Mimi, Ted, Jeff, and Susanna.  If you find value in Thriveology and would like to help support us, please consider being a Patron.  CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE]

RELATED RESOURCE:
Defeating Depression Series

Is Comfort Killing You?

Is comfort killing us?  What we can learn from discomfort.We all often seek comfort.

But is the comfort we find killing us?

Is the comfort, perhaps more subtly, holding us back?

Here is the problem:  we find something comfortable, something “better,” something bigger.  Then, instead of bigger, better, more comfortable, it just becomes the routine.

Habituation is the process by which anything becomes the normal.  Buy your dream home/car/watch/whatever.  Quickly, it is “just” a home/car/watch/whatever.  The dream disappears.

Or go the other way:  lose a job, have to downsize.  At first, it hurts.  Then, it becomes a new normal.  You “habituate,” either way.

The problem is, our insatiable move toward comfort becomes more and more limiting:  “I’ll only fly first class,” “I have simple tastes:  only the best,” etc., etc.

Food gets richer, exercise has to be “comfortable,” and we find ourselves unable to tolerate discomfort.

Here is the problem:  every life has discomfort and struggle.  When we are always looking only for comfort, we tend to avoid the discomfort.  And over time, we become uncomfortable about any discomfort.

But what if we could be more comfortable with discomfort?  What if we could take on some small discomforts as inoculation against big discomfort?

Listen below and see how that might help, and how to do it.

Don’t Take The Bait!

Don't take the bait!My son and I were off the coast, fishing in some pretty chilly water.  We kept pulling up little fish, but nothing that would serve as dinner.  While we were bobbing out there, I was wondering what those fish were thinking.  They were hanging out, trying to stay warm, when suddenly, there appears a tasty morsel, tempting them to grab a quick bite.

Once they bite, they are hooked!  They are now in a fight with that line, and ultimately the person fishing.  They may get away, they may get eaten.  Either way, the day changed drastically for them.

But fish aren’t the only creatures that “take the bait.”  I did it just last night.  There was a Facebook post that tweeked me.  I knew better.  Even while I was commenting.  I knew I should just delete my comment, back out of the post, and keep on swimming.  But I didn’t.  I clicked to post.  And. . . I took the bait.

Would my comment change ANYONE’S mind?  Nope.  Would it help me?  Nope.  It only raised the volume of an argument.

I took the bait.

And I got hooked.

Which led me to spend some time reflecting on how to better NOT get hooked.  Whether it is someone on the internet, a colleague, a friend, a spouse, a parent, or a child, we get bait dangled in front of us every day.

Our choice:  will we bite or keep on swimming?

I offer 4 strategies to keep from biting.

Can’t Change The Past So Stop Trying

Let your past stay in your past.  Focus on the present and future.It is an interesting human characteristic that we spend lots of energy trying to rework and change the past — at the same time, we fail to believe we can change our future!

A belief that the future is unchangeable (and actions/inactions that often reveal this hidden belief) is called fatalism.  It is a belief that fate is set.  The ancient Greeks and Romans believed in the Fates, three women who created the thread of life for each person, measured it out, then cut it, when it was time to die.  No beating the fates.

Que sera sera.  

“Whatever will be, will be.”

I think I much prefer (please excuse my attempt at translation),  Que fuera era. Whatever was, was.  That might be “reverse fatalism.”  The past has happened and can’t be changed.  But we do have some choice about how the future plays out.

We don’t have FULL control of our futures.  But we have much more than we often like to claim.  And that might be the better focus:  changing what we CAN change, what we CAN control.

The past is NOT part of what we can change.  The future (starting in the present) holds much more potential.

Join me as I explore this “Reverse Fatalism.”

RELATED RESOURCES:
Interview With Jack Canfield
Accepting What Is
The Control Paradox
Forgive
Show Up
Responsibility
Gratitude
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You’re Gonna Die!

You are going to die.Let’s just say it and get it out of the way.  You, I, and everyone else, is going to die.  An inescapable fact of life.  We will die.

A morbid thought?  I don’t think it has to be a morbid thought, as much as an organizing thought.

Reality.

It brings things into focus.

Years ago, I met a man who was dying from cancer.  He was focused, determined.  His prognosis was terminal, so that was not his determination.  He was determined to live out the rest of his life to the fullest.  He spent his time working on projects dear to him.  He made apologies and amends to those whom he felt he had hurt.  He was letting his loved ones know they were loved.

His imminent death gave him focus.

One day, he turned to me, after I told him how much I respected how he was facing death, and said, “What about YOUR death?”

“What?,” I asked.  I wasn’t the one dying, after all.

Then he said, “YOU are going to die, too.  Maybe after me, maybe before me.  But you will die, too.  Don’t wait.  There may be no waiting.”

Death has a way of rearranging your priorities.

Listen to this week’s podcast to ponder death and YOUR life.

Solving The Control Paradox

How to solve the Control Paradox.Control.  We all want it.  We strive for it, wrestle for it, grab for it. . . and end up trying to control the wrong things.

Human nature.  We try to control the things we can’t control, and abdicate control over the things we should control.

When we try to control people, events, and things external to us, we are headed for frustration and failure.

When we seek to control things within ourselves, we discover resolve and build a thriving life.

And yet, we generally seek to control those external things.  That happens out of fear.

At the same time, we fail to control those internal things within us.  That happens out of blame (and fear).

Time to solve the Control Paradox!  (Listen below for how to solve it.  And hey, if you find it useful, could you SHARE so that others can find it?)

 

2 Words To Thrive

2 words to help you thrive:  persist and resist.All the way back to the first century, one philosopher suggested 2 simple words to guide a thriving life (he didn’t really call it a thriving life, but that was what he described).  Those 2 words are still crucial for building a thriving life.  And they are 2 words that you can easily practice and build.

Think of each word as representing a muscle.  The more you practice, the stronger it gets.  More than that, think of these 2 words as coordinating muscles.  Kind of like the muscles you use to push and the muscles you use to pull.

In fact, one word is all about pulling something toward you, and the other is all about pushing something(s) away from you.

That first century philosopher?  Epictetus.  The 2 words?  To quote Epictetus, “persist and resist.”  Keep moving through the hardships to get where you want to be (persist) and keep resisting the pleasures that pull you off your path (resist).

Learn how to apply those two words in your own thriving life in this week’s podcast.